T_T

MY SECRET SANTA IS A MEANIE!! :(((

Ok, b4 u ask wat the hell is a secret santa..let me tell u..

My company has this annual thing they do...everyone in office gets to pick

a name and for 2 weeks until the company xmas dinner,

we are to get gifts and be the best secret santa (ss) possible..

We wont knw who tat person is until the dinner and if they did a

good job, we're supposed to get them something too :)

But bad santas will be punished..lol..

Today was the 1st day of gift giving..i did my duty ady..

but but but...

Waaaaaa.....i didnt get :(

Ok la..im over abit la :P..but i wan ma :(

Blek...we'll see on Monday ba ^^

Anyway was bored, so went audi abit again lol...

Manatau..play play until 2 le x.x

Oh well..moving on..

The week was stressful as usual..

my new event has me calling hongkies which are almost impossible to get

but hongkie directors? Absurdly difficult! Doink.

But i will wont falter...i will bitch abt it though :P

*Pray pray* that i will get something soon :)

Still alot of stuff on my mind...everytime mum calls sure gt something de..

My head hurts..so bad..

Never..

regret ur choices made...coz its urs..

Though some were made on the spur of the moment..

its nvr wrong to follow ur heart

how silly they may seem to be at the time..

i dont regret mine, work or life or frens..

they had some happiness in them..

juz sad that it didnt last...again :)

...

For the past 2 days during the weekend,
Ive been feeling down and depressed..about work
and why i cant seem to make it..
First of all, my 3 month probation was coming to an end.. in abt 3 weeks and
it seemed hopeless and i really could not come to terms that i was failing..

Then ytd morning, as i was walking to work...it suddenly hit me..
A revelation? lol..

Anyway..ive accepted the fact..whatever fact that may be..

But im proud of myself for being able to do it.. alone.

And ive done all that could have been possibly done..

The only sad thing is that i was nt rewarded for my hard work..

But then, that's life.

All i can say is that im embracing whatever shit that comes my way..

There is only so much i can do, and im wont be ashamed to say it..

But i was a hard worker.. :)

So whatever that might happen, i wont feel sad abt it, coz ive done my very best^^

Gt my new event ytd, and normally i would hope that this would be my big break..

but i wont expect as much and juz do what im supposed to do and only hope

for the best :)

Wish me luck ya?

Anyway drowned my self in audi over the weekend, even on Sunday -.-

Npc'ed till even my noob acc is rich lol..

Last nite, audied awhile also.. helped ivan with 2 of his stories :)

Jy to gold ya^^

Well am at work now...was supposed to blog last nite..

opened the page and fell asleep >.>

yeah, dead tired...gt irritated with someone, also with my lappy..

and ended sleeping and waking up at 1plus to bath ._.

Oh well, got to go work now..

Have a great week peeps!

Hmm..

Ive opened my "New Post" in Blogger so many times, and everytime i end up not posting

anything..juz coz i dono wat to say anymore..

This has been the longest period that i have nt had the energy to talk abt whats

goin on in my life anymore..

Even as of now.. i still dono wat i shd be writing here.. but here goes..

Its Sunday, last day of my so called weekend..

Days were spent in bed, with my only 2 companions,

My lappy (if it didnt hung so much..really goin to upgrade..tomoro!) and

my purpur PSP :) been playin alot of Dj Max lol..

Guess it was coz i have been playin alot of BU in audi..

Well, its raining..always rains when i feel like goin out to cc..its a sign maybe?

Crap -.-

Life has been, well work has been..a heavy load on me :(

Mentally mostly...getting depressed every day..and at the end of the day..

I drag myself home..

On Friday, i did the unthinkable after so long...i smoked 3 ciggs in less than 2 hrs..

Sigh...

With my current health condition, its like begging fr death..

And the worse part is?

I cant let go..i refuse to believe that i am so unlucky, that i cant do it..

Maybe that will be my fall in the end..

Stubborness.

Im angry with alot of ppl.

Always angry and disappointed..at myself.

And the ppl who are suppose to care and listen.. are nvr there..

Im... speechless.

The thin fine line between..

emo'ing and real depression..

I knw alot of u out there think im juz emo'ing again..but believe me.. it was not..

When i made that post.. i was really depressed..

There is a difference between the 2..

Coz the depression was really...more like hopelessness on me..

I knw u might nvr get..coz ur nt me...but its ok :)

Happy buttons are not actually back yet but trying to get there..

At least on Fri i found out i was gonna be transferred to another manager..

Which im hoping will be better for me..

The previous one was..ermm..shall not talk abt it anymore..

I mean she was nice and good to me..but dam kiasu..and nvr looked after her staff..

Sigh..let that be that..

I don like being controlled at work.. i mean..to some point its juz ridiculous..

and i feel trapped..kpi's and faxes out a day..sure they're there for a reason..

but at the end of the day..it doesnt matter whether u made 300 calls or 150 calls out..

It juz takes that one person..and Luck.

I always believe sales is abt luck..other stuff are juz crap.Seriously.

Although it may seem that i dont give a damn abt anything..

I really actually am very competitive..of myself..

I push myself everyday...in every single thing that i do..

and i want to be better than the last..i stress myself out..so that i keep moving..

Its not healthy i knw..but i do it alot..esp at work..

Thats why im here where i am now..Lost.

My saturday was spent..in bed the whole day..slept at 10pm the night before..

and well didnt wake up till the next morning..lolz

Havent slept so long in awhile..was so tired x.x

Actually left my cave at 9.30pm! coz i was hungry and been eatin junk for the whole day

._.

Well at least, by keeping to myself these 2 days..ive thought alot..

And also realised somethings..and seen others in a diff perspective..

And i also know nw who matters and who doesnt :)

Well, whoever u are..don make me emo again!

or i will definitely keep to myself longer this time.. ISK!

Sorry guys..

..but will stop ths blog for the time being..

I have reached my lowest point for the 1st time in life today..

I have nvr been so discouraged, emotionally wrecked, mentally tired before..

and alot of other emotions which are like a storm inside of me..

A feeling that i have let everyone down is so clear in my head..

And though i may seem nonchalant abt stuff, i feel that i let myself down the most.

There was one point when i was standing on the balcony of my 21st flr office..

and i remember looking down and thinking..how far is down?

And until (as a fren put it) my happy buttons back, i shall not return.

Also during this time, i shall be unreachable.

Not on audi, not on msn, no sms'es except to my family..and i mean everyone..

I have learned to accept the fact that by nt expecting anything, i will not get hurt.

Not in work..not in life. Nothing.

Therefore i do not need sympathy nor concern,

I don need to talk coz talking is overated nor do i want to listen.

Until i am able to get out of my depression, i will not return.

Sorry for not being a good fren to u guys and take care :)

YAY!

At first it was Gold...

And then......Jeng jeng jeng..:P

Hahaha...yeng bo? ^^

All thanks to my zhu :P! After i did like 5 of the stories for red..he completed it

for me le...so sweet :)

I knw its a lot of work lor..thats why sayang u so much x3333!

So bling wor...hehe..

<3's~!!

Something to think about...

Early ytd morning, my mum suddenly called me..while i was standing in the lrt..dazing away..

Was surprised and abit worried coz she doesnt normally call so early..

Actually she juz went to bed i think ._.

Anyway, she was worried...coz i din answer the phone the nite b4..

*Sorry mum..fell asleep x.x*

Apparently my bro's shop was robbed, set on fire and worse part is..

Someone was murdered...it was my bro's boss' brother..They said they heard

him screamin for help inside the house :(

Those of u who live in M'sia, esp in Penang would have heard abt it.

Its scary to actually be someone you knw..

Someone u've met..though only a few times..

And it was a Sunday, normally my bro would go to the shop..

But tis time he was busy with his PS3 that he forgot to..

He actually mentioned it to mum...

What would happened if he had gone?

What did happen?

Apparently, someone broke in, stole the luxury cars and burnt him alive..
And i asked my mum..was he the kind who would get into trouble?
He was the nice kind, a manager from a local factory who resigned to help

his brother with his car business..the kind ppl liked and helped
out.. Did someone do this to get back at the bro?

Why would anyone harm him?

I doubt when they woke up that day..to think that this would happen..

A life altering moment...There will nvr be the answer to this incident, juz alot of "what if's" ...I thank god my brother is safe bt i feel sad fr the family who faced it..

As i always say..life is so unpredictable..one min ur laughing..the other cryin so hard..

Dont take anyone u love for granted..ever..u might nvr knw when u will lose them..

To the Lim Family : I pray that the ppl who did this will suffer as u have, if not more..i hope they pay for their actions..My condolences to you and God be with you so that u will be strong in this dark time.

ARGH!

Kenot pass my dam license!

^%%##&&(*#

Always so near le....

Then the dota players all start shouting..

Gah!

Dont believe i cant pass!

Sleep better ._.

Bla!

=)

Saturday was spent sleeping, sleeping, watching dvd, sleeping, and erm..

Sleeping? Lolz..

Come to think of it..i cant seem to remember wat i did..Wait lemme think..

Hmm..yeah..slept :S

Did laundry, cleaned my room, and watch dvd..

Oh..had to walk under the hot sun to get something from fren ;x

Dam hot day ytd @_@

Finally went out to cc at abt 8plus...wanted to get my gold lor..

And somemore managed to get ppl to help me :)

And guess wat? I GOT IT! Woots! xDDD

So happy sia ytd..

Thanks to these ppl lor :

My hani who else lol, she was using alu's acc to help me

AHP lolzz..who would have guessed that kuku would help =x

And bassy who purposely reinstalled audi juz to help me...even when i din ask..

So gan tong !! <33

And a Baka lol..who came in to see see nia but end up helping :S

First few rds were saddening..we chained but nt together ._.

Then Ahp wanted to try, so let him do lor..

He managed to get 3 done for me..

Haha..but i was already warmed up..and when using my low lvl acc..

I did this..

I did a x13 combo LOL! Ahp say i took his 1st place :( say i shd play bek :P (Re-edit..coz ahp say he nvr complain :( ... he happily gave me the 1st place xP! RELAX LAH!)

Anyway he had to leave le..and he apologise fr nt being able to help much..so sweet...He did alot liao lor :)

Also poor bass..whose comp died after installin audi :S.. When i come sg i belanja u k?

And nt gam jia zui lol :P

Am happy that i gt what i wanted to get ytd..and will continue to get the next..Well until i get stuck tat is lolz.. wanted to post my gold but my blogger givin me problems ._.

Cheers and have a fun week ahead!

Ermm...

Well..its the weekends. Finally lolz..

But time certainly does move fast..

Havent been audi'ing since sunday fr a few reasons..

1. Stupid cc kenot patch

2. Too tired from work

3. Don like playin alone (u knw who u are -.-)

Well, finally went in on thurs..

Nothing much, oh ya..there was this clubber who won me in beat rush

(107bpm song k plus the fact that i cant BR?)

And said "Yay i won master!"

I said " Good for you man :)"

And then suddenly 131 bpm song came and i pawned his ass?

He said " Aww lost to master" and left -.-"

Am i suppose to say "Good to me?" Lolzz

Aaannywayssss....

Played till almost 3am last nite..crazy huh.

Had to much on my mind..had to destress..and still sick to top it off..

Plan to get my gold e1 tonite..if i can find the ppl..hopefully..

Then can quit d.lol..

And babe, playin audi doesnt make me happy..its who i play with that does..

Its always been like that and will stay like tat, got it?

Don have much to blog abt.. or rather no happy stuff to blog abt..

Work has been really down this week..

Getting demotivated sigh..

So, wont be posting here for the time being..

or until my happy happy thoughts come back..

Will be bloggin emo stuff thats been bugging me :)

Cheers peeps and have a great weekend!

<3s~

To: Ange-Mei~

Dont worry abt me..

I will take care of myself =)

As you said..i dono why i cant seem to eat or enjoy food as i used to..

I know im hungry and yet when faced with food, i juz feel sick x.x

Its becoming harder and harder for me to finish my food..

And even if i forced myself to finish it..i regret it when i get home..

Coz the pain is unbearable..

Food use to be my outlet to release stress..

Now its my cause...

Because of You - Kelly Clarkson

I will not make the same mistakes that you did

I will not let myself cause my heart so much misery

I will not break the way you did

You fell so hard

I've learned the hard way, to never let it get that far

Because of you I never stray too far from the sidewalk

Because of you I learned to play on the safe side

So I don't get hurt

Because of you I find it hard to trust

Not only me, but everyone around me

Because of you I am afraid

I lose my way

And it's not too long before you point it out I cannot cry

Because I know that's weakness in your eyes

I'm forced to fake, a smile, a laugh

Every day of my life

My heart can't possibly break

When it wasn't even whole to start with

Because of you I never stray too far from the sidewalk

Because of you I learned to play on the safe side

So I don't get hurt Because of you I find it hard to trust

Not only me, but everyone around me

Because of you I am afraid

I watched you die I heard you cry

Every night in your sleep I was so young

You should have known better than to lean on me

You never thought of anyone else

You just saw your pain

And now I cry In the middle of the night

For the same damn thing

Because of you

I never stray too far from the sidewalk

Because of you

I learned to play on the safe side

So I don't get hurt

Because of you

I tried my hardest just to forget everything

Because of you

I don't know how to let anyone else in

Because of you

I'm ashamed of my life because it's empty

Because of you

I am afraid

Randomly blogging..

On mc today...and for the 1st time in a long long time..

i slept for more than 14hrs..

Last thing i remember from last nite was..

i had my dinner while watching a movie..

And...ermmm...well thats all..lolzz

Oh yea..woke up at 11plus and saw a few msn messages..

Read and fell back into my slumber :P

Woke again at 4am to realise my movie was still running x.x

My headache is still ard..comes and goes..

I really wonder why im still having it...

Startin to think im really stressed out at work..

And my taking mc today, i really feel bad abt it..

I shd have gone to work :(

Its almost 3pm now and havent eaten yet...

Lookin outside my window and its raining...dam..

Thinkin of goin to audi but lazy..

Thinkin of eating..no mood..juz ate 2 pks of mamee..hmm..

Thinkin of so many things..yet im still sitting here..

Why do i have a feeling i juz blogged? Oh..ok i remember d..lolz =x

Well one good thing abt tomoro would be thats its a Friday..

but then again..

Tryin to be happy...truly i am..

<3's~

x.X

My throat is swelled up and i cant even talk without coughing..
imagine i have to make ard 200+ calls per day at work >.>
Nothing else to blog abt as my life at the moment as it has taken a nosedive
all i have to say for now is..
Im so GG...

My head...

..hurts like hell..

It feels like its gonna explode and i almost fainted while i was walking back from work

Yes..its that bad..

As soon as i reached home..i couldnt even do anything else..

I didnt even eat the dinner that i bought and str8 fell asleep..

Even the voices of my housemates talking outside made it hurt..even more.

And no one knows...

Saddening :(

Sunday...came and gone x.x

Thats it..

The end of my weekend..

The end...lolzz

Its nt that dramatic..but i like to make it that way :p

Alot of sleeping and quite abit of audi'ing occupied my weekend this time..

Coz of the new season, the old songs, old friends coming back..yadda yadda..

Think ima gonna quit audi...lolz=x

Though i slept alot..but still it wasnt really sleepin...

Juz had a lotof nightmares..weird ones..i dono why im having those recently..

Then woke up and thought of this..

Have u ever been surrounded by ppl and still feel lonely?

Have u had a grp of frens with u and yet u don feel like ur there? Like u dont fit?

Like ur life is a big jigsaw puzzle and somehow along the way..pieces gt lost?

I do. I feel it now.

I dont know how or when i started to feel this way.

But i do feel alone. No one who will really listen.

Maybe coz im so far away from home. From my comfort zone.

I feel like a stranger..

I dono if u get wat i mean..its juz how i feel..

I dont knw..im juz confused and stressed..

I need familiar faces, ppl i can relate to..

Although im a nice person to everyone (at times lolz)

Im still very much a loner.. antisocial? haha..

Anyway..

It was juz somethin i needed to say out..

Life goes on..

Cheers peeps and have a great week ahead!

I hope i will.....

<3's~

Hiak hiak :)

Guess where im bloggin from??

HOME!!

No no..not Pg home...KL home!

Yay! Woots!! =x

Haha..was excited when they told me ok le :)

And true enuf here i am..hehhe..

After almost a whole day of audi'ing in cc..this was really really good news..

Hopefully the line is stable though, coz apparently service provider co told them our condo nt so..

Hmm..we'll see hw it goes..

Juz in time, juz when i was thinkin of doing some siggies..for audi chars lol :p

AUDI!

Falling in love with it again..well the songs i mean xDD

Brings back alot of memories...alot..

Everytime i play an old song..it reminds me of something..

BU also so many songs..walao..hopefully the songs are there until im done playin all..

Which also means, never! LOLZ!

Now the only thing i want is my lappy reformatted and upgraded..

so hopefully ill be able to audi at home..well..sometimes ba..

Eh, i also need a laptop cooler..for ma poor lappy :(

Other than a few, not so happy incidents..today has been a great day!

Hope it will be the same tomoro :)

<3's~