..and an emo'ing new year~ {Post-XMas, Pre-NY}

Nothing much to tell.. lonely celebrations as usual..

Not lonely as in alone..but even when im surrounded by ppl..i still alone..

Been in Penang since Wed and all ive been doin is sleep, watch tv, play audi n sleep somemore..

Hmmm..i shd stop complaining =3

Oh ya..Sat was eventful..hahaz..Went to a bbq/steamboat thingy at nite with some ex colls..

It was fun..i guess..lost touch with alot of stuff since i left for kl..alot of stuff i couldnt really relate to..

So, that was wat i meant by feeling alone even when i have frens ard me..

Neways, it was good to be out there with ppl..in a way :)

Sunday ~ slept in

Monday ~ lazed ard

Tuesday? Beats me..lolz..

I knw wat im craving for though :p

Will be here till Sunday..time sure flies when ur havin fun =x

Im sure im gonna have a crappy n emo new year..

Unless by s-o-m-e miracle some wonderful happens...

Which i seriously doubt ._.

Dont matter, im happy im back home :)

Will be happier when i get...

Okies..time to watch more supernatural..=x

Enjoy ur New Years guys~

Truly, sincerely and erm..just enjoy la..xD

Not everything..

..is about you.

Ur not the only one who's sad,

Ur not the only one who wants to be happy,

Ur not the only one who feels depressed.

When u finally realise this and when u finally start to listen,

Then i will talk again.

._.

Wth la...i kena tagged for these ._.

Tagged by..Ivan Tan..u good la..make me use my brain =x

1. who is more important to you?

#MY MUM! she rocks man..xD

2.how often do you think of committing suicide?

#erm..many times this year..then a fren did it and it changed my life :(

3. do you think you have enough confidence?

#hmmm...full blast when im at work..not really so in life..=x

4. how many babies do you want?

#OMG! do you knw how painful it is?? do you? do you??? Mothers rule! for now..1?

5. do you believe in seeing the rainbow after the rain?

#i always wanted to think so..but..i like the rain! =x

6.what is your goal for this year?

#this year? 2008? wanted to earn lotsa n lotsa $$..if 2009? still earn lotsa lotsa $$ :P

7.do you believe in eternity love?

#hmm..ima hopeless romantic, but no i dont think it exists..maybe only to me ._.

8.whats a perfect girlfriend/boyfriend like to u? (List 5)

#listens, makes me smile, knws when im down, be there when i need him n is my bestest fren :)

9.list 3 characteristics of ur best friend

#lame (in a gud way:p), spontaneous and an idiot =x

10.what is ur bad habit?

#i think too much..and i mean alot! hee...

11.what is your opinion with distance relationship?

#dont think it shd happen bt if it does? trust plays alot..

12.what does flying mean to you?

#crash boom bang'ing? :P

13.what do you crave for the most recently?

#alot leh...most? hmm..attention..n lovin :(

14.Are you single/relationship?

#hurhur...single lor..^^

15.describe the person who tagged u in 7 words.

#ur so gonna get it! roflmao..kidding la..hmm..lame:p but in a funny way and cute(don explode pls ._.)

16.what have you done to yourself to make yourself happy?

#OMFG! i spend! =xx thats why needs number 6....alot!

17.what will u become in another 10 years to come?

#eee..i don think so far de..i believe in livin the day as it come..i think..dono la=x...NEXT!

18.where are your desired destinations?

#i don mind whr it is..as long as its with the person i care the most...awwww=x

19.do you play Gunbound?

#seriously stupid qn..wat are the chances of ppl sayin yes? erm..used to :S

20.(Mag's secret question..) have you cried recently?

#yes...:(

Tagged: ange, cheryl n yilin...:p (enjoy guys...^^)

Instructions:

Remove one question from the above and add in your personal question.

Make a total of 20 questions and tag 3 ppl..

List them out at the end of the post.

Notify them in their cbox that they have been tagged.

Whoever does the tag will have blessings.

Untitled..

"How can you see into my eyes like open doors

Leading you down into my core

Where I’ve become so numb without a soul my spirit sleeping somewhere cold

Until you find it there and lead it back home

Wake me up inside(I can’t wake up)

Wake me up inside(Save me)

Call my name and save me from the dark(Wake me up)

Bid my blood to run(I can’t wake up)

before I come undone(Save me)

Save me from the nothing I’ve become

You can't just leave me

Breathe into me and make me real

Frozen inside without your touch without your love

Darling only you are the life among the dead

all this time I can't believe I couldn't see

kept in the dark but you were there in front of me

I’ve been sleeping a thousand years it seems

got to open my eyes to everything

Without a thought without a voice without a soul

Don't let me die here

There must be something more

I’ve been living a lie, there’s nothing inside (Bring me to life)"

I wonder who shall save me..

Anyway this will be my last post for the year.. after this i will not be ard for awhile..

Too many things have happened in my life for the past 2 week..

Some, more than i can actually handle..im losing grip on my life..

I dont blame anyone..even ppl who said they would be there for me..

Coz i knw in the end its all up to me :) (or at least im trying to tell myself..)

Sleepless nights and endless staring out my 4 walled box windows...

Im afraid..for the 1st time in my life..i admit it..

Sorry guys fr cancellin my trip to sg..bt i really tried..

too many arguements...too many problems.. too many things happening..

I'll try to make it on Chinese new year..but no promises..not till i sort out my problems..

Sry pea..for not attending ur wedding...i wish all the happiness to u and ur hubby kays?

If i do come on CNY, we must meet ya? Hope u wont be angry with me..

..and tazz, mich, ange and bass too :(

Sigh..

I wont be able to say this when it comes, so shall do it now..

Hope u guys have a VERY MERRY X'MAS AND A BLASTING NEW YEAR!

Dont miss me when im gone..life goes on..with or without me :)

Lotsa luv <3's~

_____________________________

"..i cant pretend that this tears arent overflowing steadily,

i cant prevent this hurt from almost overtaking me,

but i will stand to say goodbye

for you'd never be mine

until you know the way it feels to fly.."

Another update on my life...

Actually intended to blog ytd.. but i opened the page from 10pm to this morning

and still it was empty...juz like me..

I knw, i knw..emo posts are not meant to be put here..so will not continue...

The week actually went on quite uneventfully..but here it is anyway :)

Wednesday

Wanted to look for dinner dress, but mood swings and rain made me go str8 home..lol

Other than that...work was as usual..

was supposed to have last rehearsal for xmas party performance..but was postponed..

Thursday

Dinner dress!! need to get today le!! omg =x

went after rehearsals after work which was almost 8.30 liao ...dam i hate shopping x.x

why do i do this to myself? must stress myself out de always lol..

hey! don judge me...thats for me to do nia :p

S0 went to KLCC and see...wtf the ppl? ._.

Saw a few that i liked but STILL i nvr get..omg la me..pls slap me..no time still wanna choose..

LOL! DON CARE =X

The fuckin trip back hm was longer than my stay in KLCC >.> bah..

Dam legs like not connected to body liao..

Still have to tomoro........erks!

Friday!!!

OMGOMG! panic liao =x

Went out during lunch and guess wat? gt a dress from a place i tried in sg wang earlier in less than 30 mins! LOL!! i was like walao lo..no time liao..keng or not? :p

And they all said the dress so nice...and shocked when i told them hw long i took to get it..lmao

But then..pls..don be like me...im very experienced and pro d =x

Actually at the end..boss let us off at 4pm..could have gotten it then also x.x

Party Nite!!

Gt ready, me and 3 other gals actually booked a room in Parkroyal (whr the party thing was)

so that we didnt have to worry abt getting back.. and also could change and stuff..

Room was like omg de nice lor..esp the bed =x

Finally went down at 7.30...cocktails started at 6 liao lo...but wat to do...need time ma..haha..

supposed to have sound check bt dono wat happen..nvr did..

had briefing during the lucky draw and they told my name was picked for trip for 2 to Bangkok de!!

WTH!! they chose other ppl coz i was not there T^T...sadded la..

Had a one rd of dinner (buffet lor) then did the performance..ppl were shocked and shouting lmao..

after that they came to me and said didnt knw i could all those singing and dancing stuff..

hahaha! yeah..my show nt free k? :p

then forgot abt dinner and drank the nite away..dancing, booze and alot of erm..other "shows"

Ppl at marcus evans work like mad and party madder!

Anyway didnt even get drunk..but my frens were lol..so left at 1am (end d anyway lol)

and slept x.x wahahah..we all tot can talk till morning..bt all drunk liao..sleep lor..

Saturday~

Slept in...so nice.. and checked out at abt 12...reached hm abt 1pm..ate lunch...

quickly did my laundry and SLEEP MORE!

Sunday...

Is almost gone...been raining the whole day..is it cryin with me?

somehow i feel...so on the edge..so pressured..coz of work, coz of family..coz of me..

i want to hide under my shell again...and not think...when i always think i will get through it..

somethin else brings me down..

Will i ever be able to feel happy..i mean truly happy for more than one day?

_____________________

"when u get caught in the rain,with no where to
run, when ur distraught and in pain without
anyone..when u keep crying out to be saved.."

Back in KL...Home sweet home? =x

3 days past so fast... i remember Friday nia then suddenly Monday d..

Time well spent..sleeping most of the time lol..

Sis said felt like i wasnt there =x

Wth!! I got do stuff with u guys lor! Juz dont ask me wat...i don remember.....=x

Well at least i didnt have to take bus back..took flight! heee...

Ok..don jump to conclusions ya..im nt rich..took firefly back..

No no not the insect x.x... the new carrier lolz..

And as my brother put it when i asked him hw its liked

"Its feels like ur a movie star"

Doink...small plane la he means zzz..cozy =x

But bladi noisy..like taking those fighter planes.. lmao!

Anyway.. reached 9pm.. cab'ed to Lrt station and begin my ard 20plus stops of train ride..

One end to the other ya...almost 1hr .. fell asleep during the journey x.x

In all? Flight from Pg to KL - 1hr, Cab and train ride to hm - 1hr plus, the exp? Priceless ._.

Reached hm tired, back pain, neck pain, stomach pain...*grumble grumble*

Will not talk abt work coz, well, erm.. nothing to talk abt?

Fk! i don have a dinner dress for company dinner yet..die die die!

Worry abt it tomoro...cant do much now..wahahaha=x

Im really quite fked =x

Xmas come soon!!!

Argh!!!! x.x

Cant do much abt it so..

Have a greatttt week guyss!!!

BAH!

Been having diarrhoea d whole morning ._.

Dono wat i ate.. but am pissed

Sorry fr those who have been calling and not gettin me.

Was busy.. in de toilet

'Nuff said >.>

What happened this week? :)

Well...finally im awake enuf to blog x.x..

Slept the entire day d actually =x

Bleh...

Anyway a summary of ma week^^

Sunday

No electricity! wth...

Hot hot hot..temperatures rising and mine also..

The better part of Wangsa Maju was screwed...lolzz..

Monday

Finally after Sun's hot weather.. i had fever x.x

Couldnt even get out of bed and had to take mc :(

Slept of the day..well tried..

Tuesday

Uneventful, stressful, crapful..lolz.

Wat else is new..

Oh still no pressie from my SS T^T..

And my recipient had resign, so new person to send my gifts to..

And when i wanted to take back the old one de..someone stole it!

WTH! CHEAPO!

Nvm..season of forgiving =x

Also alot of rehearsals for Xmas party..im involved in a skit..

Doinks.

Wednesday

As uneventful as Tues..

Still no pressie from SS...

Someone told me, don hope and it will come..

Yah....right! =x

Rain, and more rehearsals...

And gettin irritated calling hongkies..zzz

Realised i needed a hobby.. so went hunting for Brick bears..lol

Its true that when u are lookin for something u can nvr find it. x.x

Found it last min when i was almost givin up :)

Then saw another monkey collectibles..dilemma..

Monkey = cutesy cute

Bear = sickening cute

Guess which one i chose? LOL!

I like to be different and ima sick sick girl :(

Here it is..

So guys...knw what to gt for my xmas pressie d? *bhb* but don care =x

Then *imagines ppl closing blog* T^T again...

Thursday

Boss on mc...so slacked abit..

Still i was true to my KPI's and did my job :)

SS finally came true le! Woots!

I think they knw today last day and we can complain liao.

LOL!

Frens asked me not to be so negative.....BUT I KNW ITS TRUE HOR!

Newayss..tis is wat i gt..

Ferrero rocher was friday de...and another choco bar was on Thurs de..ate d =x
Hehe =3
And this is wat i gt as a SS..

Cute rite? :P

Friday!

Half day today! Did all my work quickly coz i had to leave sharp..

Fren waiting for me and i had to take the monorail and the train to her place..

Public transportatin fuggin with me ! zzz!!!

Heng i nvr gt lost..hurhur xD

Reached Penang still gt sun wor..lmao! Thanks woman for driving decently =3

Ate dinner with family :) and studied abit..early exam on Sat x.x

Sat..

Took exam..easy =x and came home and slept the entire day x.x

So sleepy wakao.. now in a daze and don get why my audi doesnt work..

RAWR!

And vara...neh u.. i dono..tomoro i nt free liao..gt other appointment..bleh..

Ok, tired d...zomg almost 1 and 1/2 hrs posting this..

Waiting for food and wondering wat to do next...

Hmmm..

Cheers and have a great weekend peeps!

I...

want so much to blog...so many things to talk abt..

but im so tired...everytime i opened it up..im at lost for words..

my mind is blank..

even tonite..

maybe i shall do it tomorrow..

Goodnite..

~.~.~.~

..my heart cant possibly break

when it wasnt even whole to start with....