The thin fine line between..

emo'ing and real depression..

I knw alot of u out there think im juz emo'ing again..but believe me.. it was not..

When i made that post.. i was really depressed..

There is a difference between the 2..

Coz the depression was really...more like hopelessness on me..

I knw u might nvr get..coz ur nt me...but its ok :)

Happy buttons are not actually back yet but trying to get there..

At least on Fri i found out i was gonna be transferred to another manager..

Which im hoping will be better for me..

The previous one was..ermm..shall not talk abt it anymore..

I mean she was nice and good to me..but dam kiasu..and nvr looked after her staff..

Sigh..let that be that..

I don like being controlled at work.. i mean..to some point its juz ridiculous..

and i feel trapped..kpi's and faxes out a day..sure they're there for a reason..

but at the end of the day..it doesnt matter whether u made 300 calls or 150 calls out..

It juz takes that one person..and Luck.

I always believe sales is abt luck..other stuff are juz crap.Seriously.

Although it may seem that i dont give a damn abt anything..

I really actually am very competitive..of myself..

I push myself everyday...in every single thing that i do..

and i want to be better than the last..i stress myself out..so that i keep moving..

Its not healthy i knw..but i do it alot..esp at work..

Thats why im here where i am now..Lost.

My saturday was spent..in bed the whole day..slept at 10pm the night before..

and well didnt wake up till the next morning..lolz

Havent slept so long in awhile..was so tired x.x

Actually left my cave at 9.30pm! coz i was hungry and been eatin junk for the whole day

._.

Well at least, by keeping to myself these 2 days..ive thought alot..

And also realised somethings..and seen others in a diff perspective..

And i also know nw who matters and who doesnt :)

Well, whoever u are..don make me emo again!

or i will definitely keep to myself longer this time.. ISK!

Sorry guys..

..but will stop ths blog for the time being..

I have reached my lowest point for the 1st time in life today..

I have nvr been so discouraged, emotionally wrecked, mentally tired before..

and alot of other emotions which are like a storm inside of me..

A feeling that i have let everyone down is so clear in my head..

And though i may seem nonchalant abt stuff, i feel that i let myself down the most.

There was one point when i was standing on the balcony of my 21st flr office..

and i remember looking down and thinking..how far is down?

And until (as a fren put it) my happy buttons back, i shall not return.

Also during this time, i shall be unreachable.

Not on audi, not on msn, no sms'es except to my family..and i mean everyone..

I have learned to accept the fact that by nt expecting anything, i will not get hurt.

Not in work..not in life. Nothing.

Therefore i do not need sympathy nor concern,

I don need to talk coz talking is overated nor do i want to listen.

Until i am able to get out of my depression, i will not return.

Sorry for not being a good fren to u guys and take care :)

YAY!

At first it was Gold...

And then......Jeng jeng jeng..:P

Hahaha...yeng bo? ^^

All thanks to my zhu :P! After i did like 5 of the stories for red..he completed it

for me le...so sweet :)

I knw its a lot of work lor..thats why sayang u so much x3333!

So bling wor...hehe..

<3's~!!

Something to think about...

Early ytd morning, my mum suddenly called me..while i was standing in the lrt..dazing away..

Was surprised and abit worried coz she doesnt normally call so early..

Actually she juz went to bed i think ._.

Anyway, she was worried...coz i din answer the phone the nite b4..

*Sorry mum..fell asleep x.x*

Apparently my bro's shop was robbed, set on fire and worse part is..

Someone was murdered...it was my bro's boss' brother..They said they heard

him screamin for help inside the house :(

Those of u who live in M'sia, esp in Penang would have heard abt it.

Its scary to actually be someone you knw..

Someone u've met..though only a few times..

And it was a Sunday, normally my bro would go to the shop..

But tis time he was busy with his PS3 that he forgot to..

He actually mentioned it to mum...

What would happened if he had gone?

What did happen?

Apparently, someone broke in, stole the luxury cars and burnt him alive..
And i asked my mum..was he the kind who would get into trouble?
He was the nice kind, a manager from a local factory who resigned to help

his brother with his car business..the kind ppl liked and helped
out.. Did someone do this to get back at the bro?

Why would anyone harm him?

I doubt when they woke up that day..to think that this would happen..

A life altering moment...There will nvr be the answer to this incident, juz alot of "what if's" ...I thank god my brother is safe bt i feel sad fr the family who faced it..

As i always say..life is so unpredictable..one min ur laughing..the other cryin so hard..

Dont take anyone u love for granted..ever..u might nvr knw when u will lose them..

To the Lim Family : I pray that the ppl who did this will suffer as u have, if not more..i hope they pay for their actions..My condolences to you and God be with you so that u will be strong in this dark time.

ARGH!

Kenot pass my dam license!

^%%##&&(*#

Always so near le....

Then the dota players all start shouting..

Gah!

Dont believe i cant pass!

Sleep better ._.

Bla!

=)

Saturday was spent sleeping, sleeping, watching dvd, sleeping, and erm..

Sleeping? Lolz..

Come to think of it..i cant seem to remember wat i did..Wait lemme think..

Hmm..yeah..slept :S

Did laundry, cleaned my room, and watch dvd..

Oh..had to walk under the hot sun to get something from fren ;x

Dam hot day ytd @_@

Finally went out to cc at abt 8plus...wanted to get my gold lor..

And somemore managed to get ppl to help me :)

And guess wat? I GOT IT! Woots! xDDD

So happy sia ytd..

Thanks to these ppl lor :

My hani who else lol, she was using alu's acc to help me

AHP lolzz..who would have guessed that kuku would help =x

And bassy who purposely reinstalled audi juz to help me...even when i din ask..

So gan tong !! <33

And a Baka lol..who came in to see see nia but end up helping :S

First few rds were saddening..we chained but nt together ._.

Then Ahp wanted to try, so let him do lor..

He managed to get 3 done for me..

Haha..but i was already warmed up..and when using my low lvl acc..

I did this..

I did a x13 combo LOL! Ahp say i took his 1st place :( say i shd play bek :P (Re-edit..coz ahp say he nvr complain :( ... he happily gave me the 1st place xP! RELAX LAH!)

Anyway he had to leave le..and he apologise fr nt being able to help much..so sweet...He did alot liao lor :)

Also poor bass..whose comp died after installin audi :S.. When i come sg i belanja u k?

And nt gam jia zui lol :P

Am happy that i gt what i wanted to get ytd..and will continue to get the next..Well until i get stuck tat is lolz.. wanted to post my gold but my blogger givin me problems ._.

Cheers and have a fun week ahead!

Ermm...

Well..its the weekends. Finally lolz..

But time certainly does move fast..

Havent been audi'ing since sunday fr a few reasons..

1. Stupid cc kenot patch

2. Too tired from work

3. Don like playin alone (u knw who u are -.-)

Well, finally went in on thurs..

Nothing much, oh ya..there was this clubber who won me in beat rush

(107bpm song k plus the fact that i cant BR?)

And said "Yay i won master!"

I said " Good for you man :)"

And then suddenly 131 bpm song came and i pawned his ass?

He said " Aww lost to master" and left -.-"

Am i suppose to say "Good to me?" Lolzz

Aaannywayssss....

Played till almost 3am last nite..crazy huh.

Had to much on my mind..had to destress..and still sick to top it off..

Plan to get my gold e1 tonite..if i can find the ppl..hopefully..

Then can quit d.lol..

And babe, playin audi doesnt make me happy..its who i play with that does..

Its always been like that and will stay like tat, got it?

Don have much to blog abt.. or rather no happy stuff to blog abt..

Work has been really down this week..

Getting demotivated sigh..

So, wont be posting here for the time being..

or until my happy happy thoughts come back..

Will be bloggin emo stuff thats been bugging me :)

Cheers peeps and have a great weekend!

<3s~