Have you ever..

felt so helpless, hopeless, lost and dont knw wat to do to make it better

that u end up juz sitting there staring blankly into the 4 corners of your room?

Im so not in the mood now..

Not in the mood to talk,

Not in the mood to audi,

Not in the mood to care,

Not in the mood for anything.

I feel like the Queen of Bad Timing...

No matter wat i do, it will nvr be enuf..

Im so tired.

__________x3__________

I juz pray that it will be alright..every single day.

My doggie loves whip cream!!! =X

Hmm..ignore the title, its a random thing

coz i was spraying whip cream from the can to my mouth and my dog ran up to me,

stood on its hind legs and wanted some..

Awwww..so cute can? xD

Anyway, another update on my mundane yet somewhat blissful life..

Im back in Penang..yup, home sweet home :)

Mum actually cleared the back room for my pc n lappy..so sweet

Maybe they scared i make too much noise until very late =x

Life is calmer for me these few days..at least im nt as lonely or as stressed..

I did some very stupid things during my last few days there..

Things i did coz i felt i didnt knw who i was anymore..

Or how to listen to my heart, that it was juz telling me lies and hurting me..

How my perceptions of ppl are becoming horrible..trusting wrong ppl :(

In the end, though there were alot of heartaches, alot of drinking, alot of crying..

I also learnt who are the ppl who truly cared..who really was worried..

And i love them more for it..

I love u..

The 3 words which i thought i wont say so easily again...

When i thought abt it, i was being unfair to the ppl who truly deserved those words..

All i needed was time to climb over that mountain of hurt..and i did :)

The only that sucks now is my pc doesnt work T_T

asddafsdgktjhlkjnfggjpgmdfhg...=x

NVM! I WILL GET IT FIXED!

Blablablabla..

__________x3___________

Im ok..at least i knw i will :)

Food Trip!!! xD (Part1)

Okok, this is a very late update..since the actual food trip was last saturday..

But hey, better late than never rite? xP

Alot of things have happen when i was goin to blog abt it..

But ive managed to put it behind me..

So after 1week, here is the update =x

Anyway the idea came from an ex coll who was planning to back to his hometown,

and also had in mind to open a satay celup restaurant xD

Satay celup? Never had it before :p

So finally the plan materialised and he was gonna take us to other food places in Melaka as well..

Hence, FOOD TRIP!! xDD

Left in the morning, had lunch and reached at abt 3plus..

Before that, he brought to us a famous satay place, to let us try out..

(He kept complaining coz i kept commenting on the food, im from Penang leh..cant help it :p)

It was okok lo..maybe coz we took it back to his place and it gt cold d...

Anyway his mum made Nasi Lemak! NICE xDD

Then rested abit, and we headed back to hotel for rest b4 the next food place x.x

Oh ya, we also had cendol, really not the same as pg de wor...:p

Full le at tis point x.x

Oh well, have to have dinner rite? hahaha =x

Oh ya, b4 i forgot, my coll brought his cousin along, he's german chinese..very cute^^

NEEEWAYYSS, thats another story rite? lmao.. back to food stories..

Ok, he brought us tis place..shyt cant remember road name x.x

(Point taken, always blog after the event =x)

Starts with C something...dam it..nvr mind..

Anyway it was this back lane food place, and they had this low table and little chairs

and you can hv clams, sotong, basic seafood stuff..Yum!

They said there was another stall opposite which has better sauce..

but he wasnt open lo...awww

After that fulfilling dinner, we went strolling by Melaka river..

they wanted to take the boat ride...i don wan le..motion sickness..

So lousya la :p

Went to see lanterns, took piccys...*Snap snap*

Mind u, this is to burn off dinner so that we can hv supper =x

HurhurxD

Fren was like a tour guide..telling us abt Melake hotspots..

but he dono hw to get there de, knw hw to say nia ._.

Lousya again=x

Went Jonker Walk, walk walk walk somemore..hehe

Satay Celup time!!

Went abt 12plus, they say best time to have it wor..

i dono leh, juz anyhow follow hehe..

They wanted to go this shop called Continental de? But dam alot of ppl leh..

So went another place ba..

Hmm..in conclusion?

It was ok ba..the sauce abit too sweet..but overall it was nice..

I think maybe cz we ate too much le..then kenot appreciate the taste..x.x

Something different lor, think of lok lok with satay sauce as dipping^^

Went back hotel, feeling veli veli bladi full..no need eat for a few days d..

And to top it all, kenot sleep..coz fren snored the nite away =.=

Next morning, all kenot wake up x.x

Tot the Chicken Rice balls no more le, but we decided to try our luck..

Still got!! hehe..

Cute lor...balls of rice..:p

Then our table was next to the guy who was chopping up the chicken,

My fren ask him, uncle u one day chop how many? =.=

He say ok ok lo..LMAO! Uncle pian us!

We sit there awhile nia, he chop non stop le..

Then went souvenier shopping ba, didnt really buy much lo..

Jus walk walk and look..Hot day x.x

Then we decided to go Mahkota Parade to shop there and also wait for my fren to come..

Walked abit, was sleepy and hot haha..

Then went to tis HK themed restaurant and ate again =x

Finally fren came and we went to his place..

His mum made satay..HOMEMADE DE LOR! =x

Really really nice x.x

Really! Hehe..

I told my fren, u can open many types of shop le.. juz ask ur mum cook :p

Walao, although still full, but ate also...x.x

Please be reminded in between we had alot of other small stuff lo..=x

Full n sleepy...worse x.x

Slept awhile and then headed home at abt 8plus..

Reached home also almost 12 le...wahwah..

In conclusion..

Very nice trip..and enjoyed myself alot xD

Alot of places nvr went to lor..Nvm next time :p

And BLADI FULL! x.x

Thought i wanted to upload piccy's lor...but..

Dam streamyx! Dam dam dam!!

Nvm, part 2 :p

Later ppl say i don update again...x.x

UPDATE LIAO! =x

Hmmm..update?

Finally after 3 days of opening my blogger site..im finally posting..
Funny to suddenly think abt it..but i only manage to update when audi is down...
And guess what?
Its down...lol ._.

And also due to the fact that my life is so monotonous

that i can actually blog 2 weeks of stuff in one post

and still have the need to find things to talk abt..hmm..
Well i guess as i blogged in my last post, been spending sleepless nites,

and also stopped eating x.x
There was one time i actually audied till it was time to work =x
One week = less than 10hrs sleep
One day while walking back from work, had to smoke a cpl of ciggies so i didnt faint lol..
I like my walks, though it takes me roughly abt 1/2hrs to reach the lrt station..still..lol
Gives me time to think, to destress :)
Every day i think of wat i shd post abt..

and now when i think back, everyday is the same leh..
juz add here n there nia zzzz
(ah fug, trail of thoughts derailed with ppl spamming my msn =3)

Stopped eating?

Ya..didnt eat for 2 days..this time really fainted ._.

Hmmm..

Think im having tendencies to torture myself..bian tai le? Maybe..

The bad thing out of this? MY BOOBS ARE SHRINKING!! fug..T_T

Anyway been as said earlier..been audi'ing..alot..too much i think x.x

Until im lvl'ing 2 weeks after my last lic..and mind u i cant really play on lappy

And i only do 5 moves and stop..Point proven..ima sort of sick of audi? x.x

So finally...my beloved anoili is a KING!! o.o

Also been playin PetSociety..lol..actually if no money i wont play de =x

So thankx baby xmm fr playin for me :p

______

Well another chapter of my life is ending...supposed to end last week but

delayed it abit more...juz in case..

But then..ive sorta given up? And my heart is not there anymore..

All i knw is i will miss alot of ppl..

Time to move on :)

Omg la..this post is really ridiculous...so many days to finish x.x

There were also suggestions on wat i shd blog ._.

So here they are..suggestions from my loves..lol >.>

From baby xmm:

Dear blog, I've been fumbling with my words and finally salvation came in the form of baby..

From jf:

Dear shyt, i shyt ard today please clear my shytty shyt..

Sign off ; the one who shyts

Lol..fuggot ._.

Somehow there's this feeling that ive left out something..and i will kik myself after ive posted this.

But if i dont, i knw i will nvr remember wat it was..zz

So shall post this and fug myself later =x

__________x3___________

Somehow i cant tell which is worse anymore..

To live in regret in the choices i made..

or

To live in doubt of the ones i didnt..

x.x

For the past 48hrs, my sleep has nt surpassed 3hrs..

Bladi tired, almost fainted coming home lol..

Still.. alot of things on my mind

Played audi for 9hrs str8 last nite till abt 4am

Went hm and laid for 2 hrs and went to work..

Still it didnt help much..

Felt angry and disappointed at someone i considered a very good fren..

So mad im hurting myself?

Maybe..

__________x3__________

"Coz u left me, juz when i needed u the most.."

1st day of Work...

was horrible...

Before that..a summary of my cny hols...

Spent the first few days sleeping and eating and sleeping some more...

And then spent the remaining days out in cc till 5am and nt sleeping enuf..

Im sadistic that way :)

But that was the hols...and that was over fast..

Back to work..

..started out the day finding out my event was cancelled due to lack of response

and then finding out that i was given an event another had been selling for 2 months but

was nt getting anywhere also...sigh

I always get those...

Had my sales brief only to be called in for a meeting with 2 of my bosses.. i knw this was coming..eventually..

Came out feeling so numb, so sad, so hurt..so many things..

To Them:

Because i smiled when u said those stuff does nt mean im happy or blase or whatever shit u guys said..

I smiled because i made i promise to myself when my father walk out on us to nvr cry again..

I will keep that promise...i will only cry inside..

I smile coz i need to carry on..how do u think i get through the days?

By telling myself, "Yep its gonna be alright! Tomoro is another day :)"

How should i react when told i wasnt taking it seriously? By thinking its funny?

By saying i did not put any effort?

Should i say hw much i persuaded my family to let me go?

How i stayed in a hotel room for 2 weeks so i can work here?

How i travel to work in the wee hours of the morning and come home late and tired?

How i motivate myself each day?

How im so scared i will disappoint my family with promises i made when i left?

How i teared when they told me to hang on and believed in me even when i at times didnt?

How i gave up so much to be here?

I said it before i will nvr explain myself to anyone..those who knw me will knw wat i have done..

I feel so misunderstood, so wrongly accused yet i swallowed it down in one big gulp..

I have frens who understand hw much i have done.

I will nt let a few bad apples spoil my basket..

I have always done wat was told, even when it didnt make sense..

Given 1001% on the job..

Yea, maybe i wasnt serious abt the job like u all said.. yup maybe.

The only reason im spilling it here is coz those who really care will read it..

Those who dont and give excuses for it..

well its juz impossible for them to spend less than 5 mins of their week to care abt my life..

__________x3__________

I feel like a "kept" woman at times,

Only to be seeked out when someone's lonely or sad..

And completely forgotten after that..

Update la...UPDATE~! =x

Finally...ima here to update on the measly happenings of my life...

To prove how measly it is?

OK! End of post =x

Lolz..

Anyway the only reason why im bloggin is coz i cant patch audi ._.

And now uncle alu is sending me the patch via msn =3

So while waiting decided i shd be guai and update on the current news of me^^

Hmm..wats the date today? 22nd! wah 11 days bo post le =x

Neways nothing much to talk abt also ba..

Work sucks..

Life sucks..

Pretty much alot of things suck..

The only thing that isnt suckin is me =x

Okok..shall try to be decent :S

Pretty much been audi'ing when i come hm...since my lappy is strong enuf nt to dc

and can play decent games...

Guess i juz need a place to hideaway from reality..and to laugh and forget my tiredness from work..

But these few days horrible sia...play till 3- 4 am kns..

Its coz i gonna lvl that why...after lvl lazy again=x

1 more lvl to King..hmm..

Work?

Has been demotivating more n more each day..

The saying that hard work pays off really does nt come to mind..AT ALL!

Im so unlucky im starting to get depressed...sigh :(

Been tryin to talk to my manager but i dono wat to say also...

Time to run n hide under a shell =x

Wat else...?

Oh...Chinese New Year is almost here =3

Another week off from work...time to sit and think of wat i shd do next..

Yeah rite =x

Ill be sleeping my hols away nia i think :p

And i havent even bought my bus tickets yet!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! IM SO FUCKED =X

Wat else...? hmmm..

Bo le...my life so empty de..sigh :(

Oh ya...lately have been acustomed to walking to the train station instead of taking one stop monorail..

Its quite...well..its good to breath FRESH AIR of KL after work hours..

With all the cars and carbon monoxide..wow..

(Pun intended ._.)

Not all is bad...at least i have time to calm down and think :)

To you..

Im like a can of plaster..something to mend the holes in ur wall of life with...

Once mended i am once again invisible and forgotten..

__________x3__________

"Who shall be my sweet salvation to lift me out of my bitter damnation?"