I feel...blank?

Uneventful day, as usual lol..

Went to see doc again today..swelling has gone done but still needed to rewrap..

He said shd take at least 2 weeks more b4 the ankle heels x.x

Follow mum to see rattan chairs (she's been buggin for ages lol)

..and went home. L.O.L =x

What else did i do today? Hmm...

Oh. No more. Sad.

Oh oh..watched anime yay! =x

Now realised i might hv watched in wrong order.. tmd tmd tmd x.x

Oh ya, fr ppl who are wondering who "The arguement hubby" is..

He's non other than mr ricky c lol...my former partner in crime at ME,

the reason he calls himself that is coz, we argued alot in office...ermm..debate alot..

and one day my boss said, "U two sound like husband n wife la"

O.O!!!

I told her.."Thats the worst thing u can say T_T"..

So yeah, that why he calls himself that >_>

He's finally an auditioner, but i doubt he'll stay long..LOL! =x

Never chionged today, actually watched quite alot of tv instead..

Sigh. Moodless.

Oh well, shall attempt to change my blog background tomoro..

Somehow, i feel scared..feels like im losing ppl i care abt..

Or maybe they dont need me anymore..

Am i useless for anything else?

-Silence-

______________________

"ive learned that by not expecting anything,

i wont get hurt.. as much.."

Random thoughts..

As usual, my blogger page has been opened fr the past 2 days

and i have yet to see a single word typed out...

So, it shall not stay empty anymore..i shall attempt to update! =x

Am currently multi-tasking..

As in playing with my facebook (PS shd have new stuff today lol),

my sis asking to look after her restaurant in FB ...she say she want to cut her fren's

level, so ask me look after fr her until lvl 14 at least =_=

and also my very frail attempt in updating my blog..

These past few days has been somewhat eventful,

even with me being not able to walk alot..

Proud to say, Im, or at least anoili is lvl 49 in Audisea xD.. 2 more lvls to WS..jyjy~

And all this juz to cut some1 who cut my lvl earlier..lol=x..why u so kiasu??

Anyway the main reason was cause, we said whoever reach WS ,

the other person will mega for them...and i want him to do it 1st..LOL!

Other than that, my leg is still swollen..was suppose to go see doc today but

i was worried for someone and decided to stay home in case he needed me..

Shall go tomoro.. :)

Been checking out some stuff, so been walking out alot as well..

not very cool coz it hurts when i reach home x.x

Other than that, have been rotting at home..really bored..to the point i find things

to argue about ...i dono why..but its not all senseless k?

Its juz when i have alot of time of my hands, i tend to think more than i normally do :(

Today, watched Sex in the City - the movie, Hancock (Will Smith, yum :p)

Old movies, but then again i havent watched movies fr abt a year?

Thanks babe fr passing them to me =3

Also been tryin to company some1 who was feeling really down..and i felt useless

coz i couldnt help with anything...and i couldnt be there for you :(

Trust.

Been hearing alot of this word recently.

One thing i knw for sure, once its broken..it will nvr be the same anymore.

U said to me, don always dont trust you, and think negatively..

Its becoz of the past..

Dont deny it, coz that would be like treating like im a fool who didnt know..

I dont like finding out things frm other ppl, i juz want u to be able to

tell me the truth..even if it hurts me.

Ppl have said, maybe its coz i tend to overreact, how can i not sometimes?

I knw wat u can do, coz uve done it before..

how can i not treat everything u do now with a little bit of suspicion?

Im sorry i turned out this way. Im trying to change my thoughts..

Wanted to say these things to you, but didnt want to make u feel worse..

so i kept it in..until now..

I dont knw whether u will read this part, but i needed to get it out.

When i said there was no reason for me to go back, and u said ok..

It hurt me, coz i felt unwanted, not needed anymore.

Maybe as you said i am the single candle will shine through the darkness,

but all im trying to do is to light it so that u can find your way out..

In time.

_________________________________

"somehow, i feel..im not who i used to be

not anymore..

i dont even know if its a good thing.."

Maybe.

Well, its almost 4am now, am actually feeling quite sleepy lol =\

Been sleepin early these past few nites, b4 3am sleep le..

maybe coz my body is really tired.

Really straining to walk properly, i feel so useless at times.

So many things i cant do for myself, even bathing is a problem,

walking to get my own food or drinks, i need to think twice.

I feel like a burden :(

Im frustrated, angry and stressed out.

Anyone who says they want to be in my position, please come n take it.

Anyway, had my second visit to sinseh today..

Unwrapped my foot coz the med was making it itch x.x

And the swelling hadnt reduced, they say quite serious coz of the fracture.

Sigh.

So had it wrapped up again.. hope it doesnt itch.

Thought wanted to cancel my dinner appointment with frens but ive been stuck

at home so many days and i really missed them, so i went.

Had to have mum drop me, though she grumbled abit she took me anyway :)

Well, they had alot of seafood courses..something which i cant eat of the leg thingie.

So had to eat veggies nia x.x

Laughed alot, lamed alot..really missed those times.

Went on to cafe after dinner to continue our chat..coz one of our fren

was back frm UK for 2 weeks.

It was quite a cool nite, and enjoyed myself outside of home xD

Well they dropped me home almost 10plus and i came back to an empty home.

Family went out shopping (seriously my family shops alot x.x)

Chatted with bass n a fren, played abit of audi, and here i am now..

My cpu is giving me problems, as in it wont detect the monitor..haiz

i dono wats the problem, bt i tried fixing it juz nw and hit my leg coz i slipped zz

Floor slippery + my bandage + my sis wide table = pain

Nuf said.

Shall try again tomoro...lol.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

"would you be happier if i wasnt there anymore?

juz say the word and ill be gone "

=_=

Sry guys, but these few days de posts wil have a lot of ramblings and grumblings from me..

Lol x.x

The reason, you all shd knw by now right?

Im very moody n restless, esp when the size of my toes are like oversteamed cocktail sausages..

I think they wrapped abit too tight, bt then again i guess to make sure the plate don move ard..

And to top it all off, it itches where u cant scratch dao..

It itches now @_@ Great!!

Am now watching anime in hopes that i will forget abt it..

Even audi'ing doesnt help, coz it only reminds me that ur not there :(

-----------------------

Dont push me away at times like this,

Dont hide ur pain from me,

Dont keep silent and keep me worried,

Dont do all that and expect me to keep calm.

Unless..

What I thought never mattered in the first place.

x_X

Slept for more than 10hrs ytd o.o

The nite before couldnt sleep a wink, anywhere i turned to, my foot hurt..

Well, went to see the sinseh ytd..and he said my ankle bone was cracked T_T

He kept asking me to relax my foot while he aligned the femur, i tried lor..

But dam! Really painful k? I even tried looking elsewhere and thought of happy thoughts..

But in the end, it still came back to the stinging pain in right foot zzz..

Anyway, i knw have a steel plate on my ankle, and walking properly is a bitch.

Sigh.

Slept my record earliest in a long time, b4 2.30am lol =_=

And im suppose to having with some frens who juz came back frm UK tomoro..

Hmmm..wonder how im gonna do that.

There goes my plans for awhile..

And i thought i was gonna get my monitor by this week d..bla.

Oh well..

Pain! T_T

Im feeling so dizzy, so faint...

Why?

Coz i juz bladi fell again.zzz..wtf sia..

My slippers were abit too big n the pavement was not flat..thus T_T

I sat there fr awhile, coz i couldnt stand up and the minute i did..i almost fainted @@

The pain is unbearable..tried to lie dwn but it was stinging..now im sitting here..drowsy..

Fk sia..sigh..:(

Will need to see sinseh tomoro, coz i think i heard it snap x.x

Arghhh!

These past few days have been feeling down..

More of dispppointment ba..

Trust..such a fragile word..once its broken, it wil nvr be the same again.

As frens, i try to listen as much as i can, help as much as i can,

be there as much as i can, in short..try to be a good fren.

But i realised, somethings we cant control..like wat other ppl say..

And if those frens choose to believe them rather than their hearts,

Well...i have nothing to explain right? I mean..wat is the point?

If deep inside they don believe us, wat u say isnt gonna change much.

I guess i was dumb. To think u understood.

So, thats that then. Goodbye?

I can only take so much..

Saturday was spent feeling down..tot it was over..

Sunday was spent with family, from morning till late night..

Did alot of things, did my stuff, family furniture shopping lol=_=

Ate alot! omg omg omg.

Then came hm to bad news again frm darling..

Oh well.

I leave it to fate..

All i knw nw is..my trust is not the same fr now..

:(

_________x3__________

"why do people never appreciate when they have it,

but mourn when they lose it?"

The aftermath.

Slept earliest ytd, ard 4.30..lol..early for me k?

Laid down n juz fell asleep..weird..didnt roll ard like im so used to doing..

Woke a few times in the morning, thought i heard my phone sms..K garden's Hope of Spring lol..

Thought it was you.. and then ard 1 plus..it was..

You knw, i was happy when i saw wat u did for me..i really was. Honest.

I juz realised, language, spoken words, written words are very powerful..

How a simple qn, could be misunderstood..how a simple reply could be too.

It shows what a person is feeling at that moment, tells u what their emotions are like..

Its not always correct..bt if u knw someone long enuf, it normally is..lol

I would be happier if u didnt take ur anger out on me.

Really, i cant take those things u said and the way u said , it hurts.

Sometimes, things can be put in another way, and not the way u did it.

Im sorry if i seem sarcastic.

Oh ya..on a lighter note..my pc is back :)

Now the only fuggin problem is, i don hv a monitor =_=

Dam it!

Need to go scout fr one d..hehe.

And and and...audi came out with the new cpl 31 hearts mode..

Cute moves, cant do much on my lappy though..

And stil don get how it works..lol

Bt i like the animations for it, esp the winners heart thing..haha =x

Heavy rain this afternoon..hmmm..

Shall go watch Pirates of the Carribean, the 3rd part ba..

<3s~

__________x3__________

"& im sorry i hurt your feelings,

but you hurt mine too..."