Nostalgic

Was transferring some of my stuff from my old Nokia E71 phone, u know, contacts, smses.. stuff like that. Got to reading some of my old smses frm when i started to use that phone and not much of it were happy stuff .. :(

Its times like this which made me feel sad that i lost the msgs i got from u when u 1st left and when i was in KL..

I really wonder who is the one who has really changed? Is it really me or u? In a way, i know ive changed.. bt only cause u have too...alot.

There was a time in our lives when u would always seem to care how i felt about things and felt upset if i were to stay silent. It felt like you were genuinely concerned. Times how u told me u missed having me ard (the jokes, the playin hookey frm work lolz :x), and how u would call me everyday just to tell me how your day went.

Slowly it disappeared...hence i felt left alone.

I tried to get through to you, tried to reach out and find the cause of all this sudden change. And i found out why. Almost a year ago today, my world fell apart, or rather our friendship did. Maybe distance played a part, and the fact that i was no longer there made u seek out alternative friends. Or maybe it was always like this with you, hot in the beginning and cold towards the end.

The constant denials and anger of what was going on even when i confronted you, and later finding out it was all true. The doing things behind my back and hopin i wont find out, but i always did in the end..the blaming me for intruding on your space.. sudden mistrust and coldness.. Lolz.. i nvr really saw it coming :)

Thus i tried holding on, guess my desperation gt the best of me, coz it seemed u hated me more n more. I wonder if ur still ard coz of how long we've known each other and not coz u really want to.

And i really wonder why u cant seem to talk to me abt things u used to talk to me abt anymore. One qn puts u in the most foulest mood. U might think im judging you and by telling others they wont, bt its only coz ive known u too long. I wont ever understand the things uve done, and why ur still with the ppl i really will nvr respect, do you really care abt them so much?

Its been almost a year and still they're very much part of your life and u reprimand me for condemning them. But yet i stick by it, i shall nvr look at them with anything but disgust. If u should hate me for that, so be it.

I wonder, the day u made the vow to not talk to me anymore, and if i had not said anything, would u have gone through it? U might. Maybe :)

The reason why im putting this all here is coz i dont want to fill my phones with sad and hurtful smses anymore, smses gone unreplied, smses of anger and sadness. Not from you.

I really really miss those msgs, from the person who really cared and didnt mind the attn from me, but i dont need them to remember how things were, coz they will stay in my heart for always. Its just time to clear some space for the bad things from my heart so it wont hurt as much..not anymore :)

Maybe fate is telling me something?

I really hope ull read this, really :)