Tuesday, November 6, 2007

Brain dead...mind lost...soul?

Juz realised that i havent been blogging for awhile..therefore in an attempt to wake up my blog again..here i am..blogging x.x..lolzz..

Why havent i might be the question..the answer? I dont really know why...maybe its a case of writers block or nothing interesting has been happening to me or i jz dont the heart to say anything...

Loneliness is a state of mind..or so i have always said to myself..at some point or another i always feel alone...i know i shouldnt..i have ppl ard me that loves and cares for me..but i juz cant help it at times...im insecure and lack confidence in ppls concern for me..i doubt when ppl say they care for me..im always thinking..why should they care for me? im nt a good person enuf to deserve it..

Im always anyhow thinking..anyhow worrying..its driving me insane at times..im afraid to care alot for ppl.. and when i do..im afraid i might lose them..no matter how they say i wont..i juz cant believe in never..am i losing my mind? Trusting someone is so hard for me...it kills me at times..

Work has been depressing as usual..getting worse by the day actually...constant remindals of how useless i am at work is slowly making me totally incapable of believing in myself...i want to leave and yet i feel guilty and sad for leaving a good friend of mine there..im so full of shit..

Suddenly i feel that the only times i do blog is when i feel lost and screwed up and there's no one ard to listen...oh well tats juz me..when will i be able to be the person i was once was..? happiness is all im seeking in this life...is tat so hard?