Monday, May 28, 2007

I am..? am i..? maybe i am....

These past few days..i have been aimlessly direction..

Im lost...

Im starting to close myself up to the world..maybe i have given up hope..promises that will never be kept..not by me..not by one is hurting and yet i smile to the world..cheer those who needs the daugther and sister that im needed to be..

I am an empty shell of wat i was before..i hate it, hate myself for feeling like this..trying to so badly to be happy again..maybe im expecting too much in that so wrong? to expect something for oneself..or we shdnt be so selfish..i nvr tot i was..

Trust..such a powerful word..trusting someone with ur life, money ..ur heart..given to the person who u know will treasure it and nvr misuse it..betrayal has been a common thing in my life..but i still trust in ppl..i will not let one bad apple ruin the whole basket..

Wats today blog abt u ask? do u feel depressed reading it? i have no idea..juz a place to spill my tots and release wateva that has been inside of me so i can move on wit my life..ramblings of a lost soul u might call it..

Lolz~ as i sit here listening to Brandy's "Have you ever"..the words suddenly makes sense to me..will i ever feel the same..i have, i think..i have..

"..there is fate..but it only takes you so far..once ure there..its all up to you.."

My dearest frens..even if u feel unloved and alone..nvr feel tat way..for i am always here..will always be in your hearts..and always remembered..

<33's and kisses from me to you..

Tuesday, May 22, 2007

This thing called......


Hmm..been coming across the matters of heart a lot, ppl around as i was mindlessly driving home today,this topic suddenly came to mind..and though im half awake now (no thanks to audi..cannot log in >_>)and a long day of using my brain..tis is the oni time i think to myself..

I realised there are a few types of love..and here there are (in no particular order..juz as it came to mind)

1) Puppy Love - fumbling type of love..young hearts and young minds..not sure wat their doing but think they're in sweet...

2)First Love - ahhhh..the most wonderful and unforgetable of all loves..whr ur mind is still young and carefree, the world is in your nonetheless..pure and simple and innocent love..(do u remember urs? :P)

3)Lusty Love - hmmm..raging hormones..mostly not thinking wit their hearts ok..of wat u ask? wat else is there?? lol~

4)Love at first sight - arrrr.. refer to no 3? sorry folks, it might have worked for sleeping beauty or snow white.. but not in this world..anyone there wish to show me im wrong, please feel free to do so..

5)True Love - hmmm..a very difficult one..tis one i do believe exists..but very rare..i mean staying wit the same person for the rest of ur life..definately a lot of love (lmao)..i mean seriously..ive seen it..and i hope for it..XD

6) Taken for granted Love - haiz..sad but does happen..when someone is so comfortable wit the other person and takes each other for granted..tat they will always be there..

and the kind tat i believe in....

7)Friendship Love - always frens before...always..ive always believed tat..and i still do..tats whr u gain trust, understanding.i dono..its always something ive based my past r/s on..i suppose if the guy is not fren material..tat juz turns me off :P:P...

The conclusion? well there is none..juz my opinion and my opinion is "LOVE SUCKS!".. it makes ppl become total idiots, funbling and stumbling, make u weak in the knees, and stark raving mad and insanely jealous(for some ppl^^)...but....

The fact is..we cant live witout fills us up..makes us do things we would nvr do..and as much as we deny it by saying how lucky we are to be alone..deep inside we yearn for it.. hurts..and makes u cry at times..but tats love..and life..we search and search in hopes to finding our perfect my case..i hope i will find it some day..and forget my past and wat it has shown me..hopefully it will make my heart strong enuf to fill another person completely..

I suppose..we shd always feel happy..happy to be in love and be loved..if thats not there then i don know wat else is there to hold 2 ppl together...I believe i am alone now coz i choose still afraid to let open my be loved..been hurt too many times and still picking up the day i know..i will..

Well its a long subject..i suppose there shd be a part 2? lolz~...anyway anyone who reads tis who are total advocates of love..and are sorry..but i merely stating my point of i sit in my car and try to complete my quest to reach home as soon as possible and audi (LMAO!!)am totally getting sick of the jam =.=!! and i still look like a HONG BAO!! T_T""...

Last but not least..cherish ur love..but keep in mind love makes us selfish..its not wrong..i always wish for the ppl i love to be happy..

Oh darn..its 2.30 >_>..diediediediedie....cya all peeps...<3333 muakssss^^

Friday, May 18, 2007

TaDaiMa Pt.3??? LMAO... blogs..veli slow hor..sorry laaa..writers block luh >_>...

Lets see wats new..


okok don be shocked k (i was too lo :P)..hun loves to shock ppl wit his spontaneity...lols..all he said was "lets get some stones to put beside our names"..i was like huh??!? wat stones?? :P:P.. too bad i suck at cpl mode..kept missing (>.< sorry babee) long time nvr play the middle of the thing i got so nervous i couldnt even press T__T.. boo to me..too many ppl and i was scared to let them down...I DONT PLAY WELL UNDER PRESSURE ><.. lalalala~ giving myself excuses..hehe^^

ooo..waitin for ppl to come..mostly play members^^ thx guys for coming XDD..xiao mei (xiao xing was like OMG wait for me..lols) too last minute le..lots of ppl not on..T_T

Me veli veli bad..T_T cannot me..poor hun..

WOOOTZ pass le =DDD.. hug hug..lmao^^

In our wedding suit.. see the bling bling by my name name?^^

Wedding Cert^^ lmao

Back to rl...

After avoiding it for 2 months..finally i have succumbed to it..MY OFFICE UNI ><.. haizzz.. its was a bit discreet, i wouldnt mind..the thing is now i look like a darn HONG BAO k???? so freakin red >_>...been giving excuse for not wearing.. in the end, im out of not joking, i really look like a Hong Bao packet..T__T..

Been really tired and working like crazy..time is like nvr enuff..non stop working from 8.20 to 5.30 and still not enuff..staying after work for these past week..reaching home almost 8pm..eyes tired, back pain, and sick of the not to mention my fingers has actually protested and not listening to my brain my audi playin is really starin at the arrows as they pass by..keke..

Oh..went out with collegues too for farewell dinners (hmmm..doesnt sound good does it?), other than that..nothing much..ima boring person..o? i choose to be tat way? blek~

One thing tat is making me happy as i write tis is tat i do not have to wake up at 7am..IM SOOO HAPPPYYYYYYYYYY..2 days gonna, gonna, gonna SLEEPPPP..YAY!!! PREEEEEEET!!

Okie..sleeping timeee..<33 muackss..and thanks again babe..muaks:P

Thursday, May 10, 2007

TaDaiMa Pt 2? O.o

Im back...again? MIA again?? huhu..haizz..

Din mean to disappear for so long but was nvr in a good enuf mood to blog..always felt moody and angry..maybe im losing it..i think i am...frankly been getting pissed off so easily..angry at alot of things..myself and ppl.. (sorry for those who was at receiving end of my wrath..esp hun >< sorry luh)

The world can be a cruel place..whr ppl are judged by the 1st not the world..ppl can be cruel..why do we live in a society who has double standards on ppl? yes we may say..screw the ppl who does tat..but sincerely arent we all judged that way first? i always believed in looking at the person inside..who they are..but i suppose tats the fool i am..i trust too much and put myself as unworthy of being cared for :( wat a fool...

A fren of mine used to say.."what ur heart desires the most is the one thing u will nvr get" .. i used to tell him "you will get everything u desire the most if u put ur heart to it.." im starting to believe wat he said...

Its raining again...been raining alot.. a sad person might say..that the world is crying wit them.. but i suppose another way of saying it would be..maybe the world is washing away ur hurt and pain and when the sun comes out it will be a new day and a new still waiting for the rain to stop..

Perhaps im feeling lost..ive lost my way in the quest of looking for myself and my tunnel seems dark again...someone said to me that they felt invisible to the world..tat no one knows they answer to that person is... we are all living our own lives..even though there are ppl around us..we are actually alone in our journey..nobody can walk it for us...only with us..loneliness is a state of mind...we need to speak up if we felt abandoned or left one will ever know wat we think or wat the heart feels...if they choose to stop and wait for u then treasure them with all your heart..but if they walk further away then let them go.. emo level so high today..but no goes on..sad or happy..maybe i shd be more moody and whine more..then i can be a grunge song writer :P:P...kakaka..

Dedicating today's post to that person who feels lonely and invisible.."even if u feel that the world has forgotten abt u..there's still a fool who's ur fren and always been beside u.. i might understand wat ur thinking but ive walked tat road too at times..the rain will go away.." lolz

<333 and kisses~ muacksss...