Tuesday, November 6, 2007

Brain dead...mind lost...soul?

Juz realised that i havent been blogging for awhile..therefore in an attempt to wake up my blog again..here i am..blogging x.x..lolzz..

Why havent i might be the question..the answer? I dont really know why...maybe its a case of writers block or nothing interesting has been happening to me or i jz dont the heart to say anything...

Loneliness is a state of mind..or so i have always said to myself..at some point or another i always feel alone...i know i shouldnt..i have ppl ard me that loves and cares for me..but i juz cant help it at times...im insecure and lack confidence in ppls concern for me..i doubt when ppl say they care for me..im always thinking..why should they care for me? im nt a good person enuf to deserve it..

Im always anyhow thinking..anyhow worrying..its driving me insane at times..im afraid to care alot for ppl.. and when i do..im afraid i might lose them..no matter how they say i wont..i juz cant believe in never..am i losing my mind? Trusting someone is so hard for me...it kills me at times..

Work has been depressing as usual..getting worse by the day actually...constant remindals of how useless i am at work is slowly making me totally incapable of believing in myself...i want to leave and yet i feel guilty and sad for leaving a good friend of mine there..im so full of shit..

Suddenly i feel that the only times i do blog is when i feel lost and screwed up and there's no one ard to listen...oh well tats juz me..when will i be able to be the person i was once was..? happiness is all im seeking in this life...is tat so hard?

Thursday, October 11, 2007


Hehe...as the title implies..yes i am officially on leave le...well now i am...wanna know why? It because i had to work until abt 5am last nite to finish up my work before i could be OFFICIALLY on leave =.="

Dam tired...tot it would never finish..at one point..i really felt like crying..as childish and stupid as tat may sound..if oni u were in my shoes, you would totally get wat i am talking abt..never in my entire working life has a job got me so depressed and work up at the same time..most of the times we are juz doing double if not triple work.. and it keeps on coming and coming and coming...wah seh neverending k?

Oh well tats is the past..and at the moment im enjoyin my hard earned rest..hope it doesnt go too fast...Havent been doing much actually..watching dvd'd (CSI :P:P) and well if im reallyyyyy into it..audi ba..it jus feels weird that everyone else is working and im not..seriously? i dont think ive ever taken leave from work before..honest to God..i never really have...unless its an emergency and cant be helped or if im really really really sick..i mean the type tat u cant get out of bed from..lolzz..if not ill still be working...zhu rite? tats wat everyone says...yea yea..

Ooo..ok juz spotted my sis's magazine..Oct copy some more..Slurp! Well keep it short and sweet tis time around...since i have a few free days to blog :P

Lotsa lotsa luv and hugsss..muacks!

Sunday, October 7, 2007

counting down the days...

I wish at times i was a little more dumb..i dont mean stupid but just abit less alert and sensitive abt ppl..even by the slightest body language or they way they talk..i would say 9 out of 10 times, i totally know wat they're getting at..Its not something to be proud of, not a gift as ppl would say to me..its more of a curse..

Most of the times..i act stupid and pretend not to understand..i do this because i hope that what im thinking of it not true...and i respect ppl's privacy..if they chose not to tell me wats going on..who am i to say otherwise..? even the closest of frens have been affected by it..

Im sorry guys..it was never done intentionally...to know wat you were always up to before telling and making you all feel defensive and protective..its juz a very strong sense of gut feeling..


Life would certainly be more simpler and happier...maybe its becoz im a sensitive and very emotional person..or maybe tats juz me..and no my judgement is nvr based on strictly emotions..as angry or sad as i am .. my mind is always rational..its indeed a curse... to feel pain and not be able to let it out..to always feel for other ppl's hurt and sadness before mine..i will always be there to listen.. but who will listen to me..?

At times i feel that ppl find it hard for me to be sad..and that im strong enuf..maybe its coz i always seem to be happy and laughing..even when its really nt ok..but no one ever notices...and on some occasions i do try to say how i feel..and most of the times..they would ignore wat i have to say...and so i have learnt to keep quiet..is it a joke when i say im sad? even as i blog here..believe u me..there will nvr be sympathetic smses or calls to see how im doing...

Maybe i expect too much from ppl..juz because i can do it..doesnt mean everyone else can..its not an obligation or a must for them to care for me..i do it not for recognition...perhaps im not a good enuf fren..maybe im too selfish..maybe...i don deserve to be cared for..

And now..i stand at the crossroads of my life..a decision to make..that will change my life..and im afraid..will i be ok? will it be the right choice? my family supports me but there are things i cant let go off...will i regret it?

No one will know..its my choice to make...but i will have to confide in myself only..and no one else to turn to..the rain is reflecting my the emptiness i feel inside..my sadness..

Heartbroken..and torn..

~still counting down...7 days to go...~

Saturday, September 29, 2007

memories.. :)

it is a saturday again...fast fast fast...

these past few days have been recalling a lot of the past...old memories of when i used to work in the music school..though it was long hours and hard work and lots and lots of travelling..i must admit, those were the happiest times in my life ever..

even though i was alone at times, it was my best company..i never felt lonely..seriously i nvr did :) ... learning the saxophone, the viola, violin, and at one point the french horn..lolzz..and so much more..learning how to handle the sound system for performances..so much i learnt..and the truth is..it was always my dream to learn all that...

ever since i was a little girl..i remember my first singing competition, and my first public performance at a fren's uncle's wedding..lolz..i still remember the song i sang..it was a NKOTB song...rofl!

straight after form 5, when i started working and studying part time, i still had the desire to learn music..and so i went to this newly opened school and there i stayed for almost 8 years..a student and then an employee..hehe..

btw..like the background music playin now? it was a sampling done by a group frens and me years back when i was still very active in playing..guessed who played the sax here :P.. urs truly^^ nice leh..hehes..it was rendition of an old classical piece..sounds familiar? didnt know how similar it was to the original and that i even had this..lucky i had time to spring clean my stuff.. my frens were good! LOL!

mehh..now all my instrument are kept in the cabinet..need to start playing again liao:P...sheesh even the notes look alien to me >.>..need to find tat joy of playing again XDD

oh well..tats that..now how am i gonna spend the remaining of my weekend? SLEEP!!! WAHAHAHAA=x=x

"..dont say u care only when u need me..."

Love, hugss and muacksssssss^^

Sunday, September 23, 2007


2 days of pure zhu'ing =x...

i slept like there was no tomorrow k..but then at nite cannot sleep le..end up watching dvd after dvd to make myself sleepy.. at the 3 or 4th movie..it finally got me...but then at tat time it was already almost 6 am -.-"

Its been a nice weekend..quiet and relaxing..and uneventful..somehow i have a feeling it will not last :( .. as paranoid as i may seem..my gut feelings are normally quite accurate...hopefully its wrong this time...lolzz

omg? suddenly out of things to blog =x=x .. i blame the tv..its a distraction from my thoughts..pure and innocent thoughts :P wahahaha....okok i'll stop being lame..actually wanted to work on my blog this weekend..wanted to change the look abit..but as i said earlier.. too much zhu'ing >_<" oh well.. will work on it later when i come home..hehes.. going out to buy stuff in town.. YAY!

Suddenly realised that recently have been buying alot of orange coloured stuff..until a colleague of mine asked "is orange ur fav colour?" hmmmmm..actually its not lor..coincendence lar..juz so happen alot of stuff i got looks nice in orange...but then i do like brite colours..brightens up my life ;)

These past few days..have seen a lot of sad incidences..not to me.. but my heart goes out to them..it goes to show how unpredictable life can be..how the sweetest of memories can be gone in juz a second..tats why im learning to take a day at a time..learn to love each day as it comes..as much as i like to plan my ways..eh wait..i don really plan :P...anyway be thankful for wat u have today..it just might not be there tomorrow..

"..close your eyes and feel me hold you..can you lead me through this ordinary world...let the sky cry restless rain..to wash away the miles between us..till love can come redeem us..coz without you its just an ordinary world..."

~21 Days and counting^^~

Will post some pics again soon :P till then <33333 muackssss^^

Tuesday, September 18, 2007


26 days left...slowly counting down...

life has been pretty slow..work has been the same..was on sick leave ytd..something suddenly came up -.- don feel like talking abt it..don feel like talking abt anything actually..sighzz..

at times im amazed at myself,
the things tat i go through, the days i live,
i know that there are other ppl who are not as better off,
i am truly grateful for wat i have,
honestly i am..,
and yet a part of me,
yearns to see new things,
to break away from this ordinary life,
to breathe in new air,
to know new people,
to be alive again...
to feel really loved,
to be cared for, to be remembered in sad and happy times,
to be...
wishful thinking it may seems,
but not all hope is lost,
for i believe it will be mine some day....
until then,
i will keep waiting, and praying,
for the people i love to feel exactly the same way...
happy....no matter wat...

Sunday, September 16, 2007

screwed up (*&(*$)_%+_^(*(&!&

I have recently realised that no matter wat you plan, wat you do, somehow someway it will always bite u in butt..lolz..

had a few bad days at work.. and one word sums it all up..screwed..to make a long story short.. no matter wat i had done and said to avoid all of it..it was still my fault..i suppose the oni reason why it was mine was because i newbie..someone easy to put the blame on..and wateva i had to do to defend myself did not matter anymore..i was sad and angry.. the main reason was because i felt i had done anything i could do and yet it was not enuf......

i confess that i dont like this job but i have always believed that these are the choices we make.. like it or not we have to live through it..and i had made mine knowing perfectly well the consequences...so i had put in all my efforts and mind in to it..it is only work.. but to me..i always believe in finishing wat i have started..and doing the best that i possibly can...it was certainly a dissapointment..

many thoughts came to mind at the time...things i was gonna do which not have been any good for my health now...felt like it din matter anymore...yea..i know i know..im too emo..luckily i din follow through wat i wanted to do..(thanks to ur sms and wat u said <3) 'n thanks to one who accompanied me tat nite...

i had time to think later..and tot it was silly of me to be angry at such stuff..tat's life...tats ppl..i now know i dont have to be upset of wat had happened coz i had done everything i could..and im proud of it..they will have to live with themselves for wat they did..and i pity them...wat they had done has made me lost respect for them and i always believe respect is something u earn..

so..ive put tat all behind me and carried on wif my work..and be happy abt it (still looking for new job though :P) wont pretend im not angry still..ima b1tch, bite me! lolzzz...

its been raining like crazy here..non stop rain...but its a sunday..so nvm^^

taken outside my house..heavy ritee? yawn~ sleepy le.. lol!

not very clear lar.. but still heavy lorrr..rofl..

ok..now tat i have gotten this off my chest.. im gonna go watch my death note2 le...and find lunch..

lotsa lotsa luv and hugsss..muakssssssssssss^^

Thursday, September 13, 2007



hehes..say tat all the time and yet sleep late =.=" slap me pls...so bo guai..rofl..actually been sick for the past week or so...cold cough bla bla..and my ashtma came back :( nvr told mum though.. scared she will worry.. and din wan to bother them also..i remember the problems i gave them the last time i had it..stupid me..keep getting sick ><..

oh well..feel im getting better though *fingers crossed* ...been rainin alot these past week too..especially the times when im suppose to go to work and leave for home..tms betul..know i cant see so well in rain le ma..^%&*^&)$!*% .. rain lar saturday n sunday!! zzz..

work has been busy lately..work work work..had an awful morning today..stupid manager..tell time donwan listen then happen le come scream at me..nehneh...i kept imagining her high pitched voice in some cartoon character..lolzz..cracked me up..scream lar..more funny XDDD..bleh~

took a photo of my table when i was working and suddenly spaced out..

lame rite? rofl...

and then....

took a photo on the longggggg driiiiveee homeeeee>< lolz

see so heavy rain :(((

have i mentioned that i truly, madly and deeply in love with my phone? i have? well lets hear it again.. I LOVE MY PHONE <333 =x=x

and lastly took a personality test earlier..actually someone sent me a simpson's personality test and my result? i am an advocator -.-" and took another and got this...

Click to view my Personality Profile page
interested? lolz... check out this site

lolz..oh well.. the best way to define me is..a dreamer,soft hearted idiot who loves the ppl ard her^^..not forgetting to mention im an advisor..WOW!
Slurp...lmao..yaya tat i am :P.. watevaaaaaa....

tired le...i go rest le b4 get sick again o..<3333 muackkssss^^

Sunday, September 9, 2007

huhu..ima sick x.X

As per title..i am officially sick..tms..and juz as the weekends are here >.<.. started with a headache which progressed to cold and cough and now the worse part..fever -.-

Have tried resting as much as i can..dono how many trees i have sacrificed becoz of my cold..lolzz.. slept a bit in the afternoon and end up at nite cannot sleep le..audi'ed myself to sleep..ended up sleeping at 6.30am..if it wasnt coz i kept dc'ing i might still be up until now @_@..

Oh well, it a sunday le.. times goes on even when ure sick..and tomolo is a monday T_T..sighz..shd i take mc? :P...

Hmm..how was my week? fast! time passes so fast!! rofl. oh ya..got my new phone le :P Nokia 6288..lalala..cool phone k..<3 it.. been dl its themes and stuff..cool, coolio~! hurhurXD.. will try to upload a pic soon^^

In middle of the week..a lot of tots came to mind..alot of things to say..was irritated with the ppl ard me..thinking how contraditory and how ironic life is..and yet i cannot change how they think..no matter how they deny the fact that that is wat it is..therefore i am going to do an experiment..i will try to prove that wat i know is indeed the truth, even for them..as much i hope it will not be proven, i am not doing this to debate wif them or in spite..but to prove to myself n others why i think this way..we will all know b4 the end of the year coz tats long it going to take..don worry..time passes so fast you wont even feel it :)

OK..its 1pm and im falling asleep >< really tired sia...gonna take a nap :P

<3333 muakss and hugss^^

Sunday, September 2, 2007

and so comes September....

a new month..new plans..new beginning..

learning the importance of having a stand in things..having a strong will and heart.. learning to accept and move on..learning more abt myself..although it may seem impossible now..it always is..but you will always learn to carry on..

was disappointed in myself for the past few weeks..felt so hopeless and alone at times..no one could share my thoughts..my feelings..i may seem like a strong person..tat is sometimes is juz a facade..

but i still have a few good frens..who will listen to my ramblings and to them, Thanks XD..u know who u are..im slowly recovering <3..

the weekends pass by so fast.. feel like i havent rested at all..nt enuf sleep..nt enuf sleep @_@..but the thing is, if i love my job..i wouldnt mind tat its a mon..its nvr bothered me b4.. i guess i really hate my job ba :P..quickly saturday againnnn =x...i always say i wn to rest de..in the end..end up more tired..tms =x

aiyayaya.. 1.30 le.. i need to go sleep x.X..

b4 i go..im ending tis post with a song i feel i can relate too in so many ways..read between the lines and see if u can relate to it too ^^

When you love someone so deeply
They become your life
It's easy to succumb to overwhelming fears inside
Blindly I imaged I could
Keep you under glass
Now I understand to hold you
I must open my hands
And watch you rise

Spread your wings and prepare to fly
For you have become a butterfly
Fly abandonedly into the sun
If you should return to me
We truly were ment to be
So spread your wings and fly

I have learned that beauty
Has to flourish in the light
Wild horses run unbridled
Or their spirit dies
You have given me the courage
To be all that I can
And truly feel your heart will
Lead you back to me when you're
Ready to land

I can't pretend these tears
Aren't over flowing steadily
I can't prevent this hurt from
Almost overtaking me
But will stand and say goodbye
For you'll never be mine
Until you know the way it feels to fly

So flutter through the sky
Spread your wings and fly

<3333 huggss mwarkssss^^.....

Friday, August 31, 2007


Lolzz...as the title implies.. yes we are having our 50th Independance Day.. 50 years a free country..of being able to rule itself and not be under another's to say what they can or cannot do..im not being patriotic juz because of today..juz as much i am not happy with things here..i am still proud to be Malaysian..jyjy Malaysia..make us proud too..hahas

Days have been uneventful and yet im not complaining..i have been a bit reserved lately..too many things happening ard me..within me..discovering many things abt myself and the ppl ard me..understanding more..forgiving more..and though there is disappointment, that will soon go away..but i will nvr be the same person as i was before..

Saying less is more i suppose..learning not to care too much and take things too seriously..although it might seem impossible..i know me..ive been me for 20+ years..even mum said before.. friends are always before everyone else..even family..which has always been true.. should tat change? should i change..? we will see bah..

Being sleeping alot today..its a nice day to sleep^^..relax and take things easy..later maybe going to meet up wif a fren :P...if im not lazy..hehe..days seem to be moving faster lately..juz realised its gonna be Sept tomorrow..3 month to the end of 2007 and welcoming of 2008..how time flies..

Oh well.. no use dwelling in that.. however we think abt it or dread it..it will still come..so the best we can do is live everyday like there's no tomorrow and cherish wat u have..


Found another test to take..i like taking tis type of tests..not always true but amusing nonetheless :P... enjoy guys^^

You are The Empress

Beauty, happiness, pleasure, success, luxury, dissipation.

The Empress is associated with Venus, the feminine planet, so it represents,
beauty, charm, pleasure, luxury, and delight. You may be good at home
decorating, art or anything to do with making things beautiful.

The Empress is a creator, be it creation of life, of romance, of art or business. While the Magician is the primal spark, the idea made real, and the High Priestess is the one who gives the idea a form, the Empress is the womb where it gestates and grows till it is ready to be born. This is why her symbol is Venus, goddess of beautiful things as well as love. Even so, the Empress is more Demeter, goddess of abundance, then sensual Venus. She is the giver of Earthly gifts, yet at the same time, she can, in anger withhold, as Demeter did when her daughter, Persephone, was kidnapped. In fury and grief, she kept the Earth barren till her child was returned to her.

What Tarot Card are You?

TIll my next blog..<3333 hugssss and muacksss^^

Wednesday, August 29, 2007


Ima pro liaoz...lol^^ finally.. actually been pro for a week le...but too lazy to blog so so so.. :P
but then.. don audi as much as i used to, mainly coz the ppl i know and play wif don play as much liao :( .. but then i still do go in to release stress once in awhile..

life has been pretty much the same.. work, come home, watch tv, fiddle wit comp and sleep..routine routine.. but trying to break out of the cycle tat i have gotten so used to..trying my best to leave the hse and meet up wif frens..had my company annual dinner last sat..it was fun..will post some pics when i gt them :) after dinner.. went to Starbucks and sat there till 1am..laming wif a fren abt life or my lack of it..lolzz..fell asleep when i came home..though i was in audi.. i think i fell asleep on the kb =x

the main reason i was so tired was becoz the nite b4 i was out till 4am.. went out to find a fren and ended up bought a cpl of beers and sat by the beach =x=x .. dono wat got into me but juz a lot of stuff on my mind.. and din wan to be at home n seriuosly needed a quiet place to think..so yeah..

oh well..life is such..juz living through it day by day..oh yeah found tis pic in phone ytd while i was back-uping the data to my pc..its my work cubicle..so nice rite..lolzz..

my work table^^

ah well..gtg go liaoz..need to do something for mum...

until my next blog..<33 hugss n muackssss.... oh b4 i forget..below is my fav song lyrics for the moment...read it and weep ppl..lolzz

To the song here in my heart
A melody I've start
But can't complete

Listen, to the sound from deep within
It's only beginning
To find release

the time has come
for my dreams to be heard
They will not be pushed aside and turned
Into your own
all cause you won't

I am alone at a crossroads
I'm not at home, in my own home
And I tried and tried
To say whats on my mind
You should have known
Now I'm done believin you
You don't know what I'm feelin
I'm more than what, you made of me
I followed the voice
you gave to me
But now I gotta find, my own..

You should have listened
There is someone here inside
Someone I'd thought had died
Sooo long ago

Ohh I'm free now and my dreams to be heard
They will not be pushed aside on words
Into your arms
All cause you won't

I don't know where I belong
But i'll be movin on
If you don't....
If you won't....

To the song here in my heart
A melody I've start
But I will complete

Now i'm done believin you
You dont know what I'm feelin
I'm more than what, you made of me
I followed the voice, you think you gave to me
But now I gotta find, my own..
my ownn...

Saturday, August 18, 2007


life is so contridicting... or should i say ppl are...we say one thing and though it seems like we mean it.. its rarely the case..it only applies if we are not the person affected..when it does happen to us..we beat ourselves up and so the same advice tat we gave comes back to us..lolzz..isnt life ironic?

why do we depend so much on wat other think abt us? abt how ppl view us?when im dissapointed its normally how i see myself and not because of wat other ppl think of me...why should words of a perfect stranger bring us down? it nvr should...if the ppl around you.. ur frens, ur loved ones thinks the world of u.. tats all that matters to me.. even if they dont..always trust urself... it doesnt matter wat i think...its wat ur heart tells you..so wat if u fail..pick urself up, dust urself off and start all over again...

u might say.. yea we work for recognition, we present ourselves to be accepted, we mould ourselves into something other than ourselves to adapt with the majority.. is that how it works now?

life will nvr be wat u want it to be..it will nvr be a perfect world..u can complain, whine, shout out..it will not change the way it works..fate is always in your own hands..

i have never given up on anyone before..to see the positive side of someone..and though they might have their flaws..who doesnt..my heart is open to the beautiful side of that person..

"..life is never what it seems.."

until my next post..lotsa of luv and hugss^^ muacksssss

Friday, August 17, 2007


ima bored... its almost 2am and here i am sitting here wide awake and bored senseless... all of a sudden feel like there's not much i can do...tonite is the 1st nite in a long long long time i did not play a single game in audi...a miracle!! wanted to test wat other things could possibly occupy my time and make me busy.. apparently not much :(

im wide awake..maybe coz i fell asleep for 1/2 hr after staring at comp for abt 2 hrs...

hehe..stopped blogging for 1/2hr..had the sudden urge to spam forums...juz randoms forums :P ..trying to get piccys up.. but tat might not happen tonite..still trying to understand my updated photoshop...mehhh..at tis hr brain a bit slow..

its 2.30 now.. and its raining..going to love the smell of rain in the morning..will be wishing i was still sleeping..but its a FRIDAY! wootsss..brb.. *continues spamming*

3am...body tells me im tired, worn out, brain says dont sleep, heart says ure nuts..so many contridictions in me...

work today was tiring..again :( feel like my boss a bit bian tai.. always when almost time to go home nia wan meeting le -.-! then talk talk no ending de..btw today also got..end up finish at 6.30..rawrss!! the oni good thing tat came out was he gonna get 19inch screens for our team (officially called UK team :P) hope tats something tat will happen.. coz he quite niao de >.>

gah..wanted to put photos leh...now no ideas le..sadded...ohmigosh brain starting to die on me also>< ... I WANNA CHANGE MY HANDPHONE =x totally irrelevant i know..but juz saw mine and tot of it :P:P

okok sleep time..tomolo be the undead again ;) walk around aimlessly..lmaozzz

huggzzz, lovess and muakssssssssss^^

Thursday, August 9, 2007


hey guys...its been awhile...lolx.. i wonder if anyone ever comes here anymore...its ok i suppose...i havent been here myself too..

times passes so quickly nowadays...i remember it being january and now it almost halfway through august...how time flies...and yet i wonder wat i have truly done this year...i have had my ups and downs... more downs than ups..but nonetheless i cherish all the ups that i have had..it will not be overshadowed by sadness and hurt i have experienced in the past..


is it the hardest word to say? i suppose its only hard when u dont really mean it..if you dont believe it...to forgive..that is the hardest part..how does it feel when u have truly forgiven someone who has hurt you..disappointed you..

hahas...i suppose when ppl come here..they feel depressed..i hope that not how hey would feel..but it is a place i say wat i feel...and when i let it out..i let it go..so guys don feel depressed.. feel enlightened :P

life is beautiful...cherish it with all ur heart.. whenever i feel down and sad.. i try to look deeper into things and there are really alot of things i will be thankful for...i love my days :)

will update some piccys soon.. wait i not so lazy 1st :P

*loves* muackssss

Tuesday, July 24, 2007

At last......

It has been raining lately....so much rain...over the weekend...love the smell of rain in the morning...especially if u don have to rush of to work :) love the rain...

stayed at home completely for 2 days i was off...played audi most of time ;)...and rested.. this was one the best weekends i have had in a long time...

rain...means so many things in life...for the sad..it means the world is crying with you...for the happy..it means there's going to be better times after it goes away.. for me...i juz wish to look at it..the same i used to when i was little girl...the rain would be my company...my avid listener...would know how i felt at tat time..and even with all the things tat i have gone through in life..it has always been there for me...

the fact is..i suddenly feel that i have no one to turn to when i need to talk...when i needed to scream out loud.. to share my feelings..im so alone at times >_<".. i suppose someone's trying to tell me to wake up and be independant..why think negatively...i know that the way its suppose to be..but i am only human..and its not an excuse ok ( u knw who u are -.-)

hehe..its almost 3am now..and although im yawning alot.. cant find myself going to sleep..mostly because i had food poisoning today -.- and god knows how many times i ran to the toilet ><... gonna take mc tomorrow :P juz don feel like working...juz very very tired...

my plans for tomorrow? dono yet..lolss..see hao bah^^

Fav song lyrics for the moment? "One Last Cry by Brian Mcknight"

My shattered dreams and broken heart
Are mending on the shelf
I saw you holding hands, standing close to someone else
Now I sit all alone wishing all my feeling was gone
I gave my best to you, nothing for me to do
But have one last cry

One last cry, before I leave it all behind
I've gotta put you outta my mind this time
Stop living a lie

I guess I'm down to my last cry
I was here, you were there
Guess we never could agree
While the sun shines on you
I need some love to rain on me
Still I sit all alone, wishing all my feeling was gone
Gotta get over you, nothing for me to do
But have one last cry

Repeat Chorus

I know I gotta be strong
Cause round me life goes on and on and on
And on.....
I'm gonna dry my eyes
Right after I had my
One last cry

Repeat Chorus

I guess I'm down
I guess I'm down
I guess I'm down...
To my last cry...

Hehe..have a great week ahead peeps^^ <3333 & muackss...

Friday, July 20, 2007


i refuse to be treated like one of them,
i refuse to be like one of them,
think like them,
act like them,
do the things they do,
that will never be me,
i am who i am,
and i am not them,
if i am silent..it does not mean i am dumb,
if i am laughing..it does not mean i am happy,
my heart is soft..that much i know,
but it has never been weak,
it has always been strong to care,
to always be there,
to take in sorrows,
love me for who i am,
spare me a thought when you far from me,
and that will be enough,
my shoulder will be here to be cried on,
my arms will always be open wide,
to take you in if you ever need it,

but always remember i am not them...

Monday, July 16, 2007


As i walked out of my office today...the sunlight n smell of fresh had made me smile for the 1st time today..i was suddenly more calm and relaxed..not because of work..but of something else..

And as i walked to my car..i tot of the day tat had passed.. the truth is for the entire day i had been spacing in and out of conciousness..even when my frens spoke to me..i could not reply them and juz stared blankly at them as if i couldnt think of wat to say at all...

What happened u ask..? The thing is..a recent conversation wif a good fren n me suddenly realised wat they had told me...i couldnt understand it then but all of a sudden i knew wat they juz said...though i had hoped tat i understood them wrongly..the problem is..i think im certain of wat it is....

I suddenly felt utter disappointment towards them...and as the words kept repeating in my mind..i felt worse and wanted to tell them how i felt...and so i wrote a mail saying how i tot abt the incident...the mail is still in my draft box...i will delete it..

I realised all i needed was to let it out..

It was not my choice to be made and tat being the case i shall not judge...it they can live wit it and felt that they did no wrong..i shd too..im sorry tat im dissapointed..will take me some time to forget it but i shall not say wat they shd or shd not do...it is not my life to live...i have nvr ever given up on ppl..and nvr will..maybe it juz made me think abt stuff..

Life shd nvr be abt regrets..and even when you feel the whole world is against you...its almost certainly not...juz u against urself..even if u die tomorrow..think of wat u have done today and the days before...will u leave in regret...? We can nvr change the choices we have made...there's no take 2 in life..

I do not regret knowing you...and nvr will...ure still as close and dear to me as u ever were my dear fren...remember that..

"...do not say ure sorry unless u really mean it..."

Wednesday, July 11, 2007

Days like this.....

...are suppossed to be spent in bed..reading a good book and nice cup o coffee by ur table..alas tis is not a perfect world..we are living in a screwed up world whr we work for the money...but then...

im not complaining..juz stating facts^^...i love my days :) and although it seems sucky at times and i hate my boss :P still trying to forget abt the darker side of things and look at happier stuff..

and even now..as i sit here..and having no clue wat im blogging coz my mind so dead from the work that i do everyday and god knows how many brain cells i have killed today and might look in horror of the things i have written down tonite *takes deep breath* i still love it~

we are all human..we have our "stuff", our priorities in life...and even when there seems to be no other way..there is always one..we juz have to look in the rite direction..life will nvr be wat u want it to be.. its up to you to make things happen..u have to fight for ur dreams..always..

"..life is as ordinary as u make it out to be...with a little bit of love, hope, care, passion and ur heart will make it extra ordinary..."

Dam tired ler..will blog soon.. i promise^^.. <333 muakssssss^^

Tuesday, July 10, 2007

an addition to MIA.....

psps..i forgot to add in this interesting quiz that a fren sent^^...the results a bit..hmmm..i mean ppl do confide in me..but angel of guidance?? LMAOs...oh well...lamer do things without reason de :P... go try it out ba..

You scored as Angel of Guidance, You were the Angel of Guidance! Before you were sent down to Earth to be tested and be a human, you used to guide people in the right direction when they faced a problem or a seemingly hopeless situation. You looked out for humans using the stars as your eyes during the night when it was dark. Even today as a human, your friends and family often ask you for advice and always trust you because you know what is right and lead everyone in the right direction.

Angel of Guidance


Angel of Hope


Guardian Angel


Angel of Prayer


Angel of Good Fortune


Angel of Death


What kind of an Angel were you before your life on Earth? (kool anime pics)
created with QuizFarm.com


Hehe..miss me mar? :P

Haiz..ps la..lazy to blog abit..added to my no idea wat to blog = no blogging at all =x...

Work load has been horrible these past weeks..eyes are constantly dry and tired (where's my eyemo!!) so less aud'ing abit lo..nvr MIA lei..its u guys dont play^^.. Yes im still at the same place..nvr hand resignation..bla bla..but be informed.. due to some incidences at work..the impending resignation will be followed through..believe u me..long story tat is..and not in the mood to expose the incidents tat have occured..

Been watching movies again lately..its fun :P...there are some movies which i would like to watch again^^...*pouts* I WAN WATCH MOVIE!!! =X=X (being a lame shyt^^)

Had a nice weekend..it rained and slept in most of the time..slept until like 2+ in the afternoon on sat o.O..long time nvr do le..mum say 1 weeks rest all accumulate on sat then oni use...lols..yaya =x

The other reason din play so much also was because babe was away..T_T.. but lucky got souveniers for me :P and my demisoda!! (give me >.<)... but... to say i din play much is really an understatement... hurhurXD ;)

Omg..distracted by my mum's taiwanese serial..the type u see then can vomit blood de >< *vomits* ... dam irritating...why good guys so dam stupid de!!! walao bth..somemore its those old time serials (like chinese dynasty stories)...

O? writers block le so fast..i blame the serial..u all can also^^.. audi patching today..so ima got nothin to do :P...sleep? watch serial and be irritated? sit in front comp mindlessly? wah..list is endless of wat i can do tonite..lmao~

Okie..i shall go bath now and decide wat i shall do later..muacksssss^^

Friday, June 22, 2007

update lurh~~!

Ive come to realise tat the good things in life should be taken in small n slow doses.. in tat way you'll appreciate it more and feel complete satisfaction when you do find it..wat a wonderful feeling!! is it not??

Tat is why i realised i shouldnt blog as frequently.. so tat u guys wont feel bored and really read my blogs and not juz glance through...rite rite rite??? LOL!! omg bth sia...anyway its still true^^

Actually i have nothing watsover to blog abt..my life is boring..eh wait..ok got a theory abt tat..life is as boring and lifeless as u make it out to be...i choose to stay at home and not go out..tats my bad..my life is boring because i choose to be..i think it because, growing up ive always had the trust of my mum to do wat i wanted.. go out with frens and not have a curfew..coz she believed in me..that i will always do the rite thing..unlike other frens who had the worse time asking for permission to go out..all i had to do was tell her im going out and tat was tat..even when i started working..i always went out for drinks wit frens and came home after midnight..and my job which took me to all over Malaysia..i guess wat im saying is tat..ive sorta gotten tired of all tat...late nites and drinking too much..i wan a more peaceful life now..lolz...i suppose priorities change..

In a perfect world, i would be with the one i love..going out on weekends, hanging out at home on weekdays..curling in front of the tv and juz chilling..but this is a less than perfect world and ppl are not really nice at times..not to say all are bad..there are good ppl out there..juz hard to come by...i suppose everyone wants to feel loved, to love...to have tat someone when it really counts...someone to confide in when u feel angry or depressed...someone to hold ur hand and tell u everything will be ok coz they're there for u...someone so much a part of ur life..who makes u complete..

All of us struggle to look for tat one person who will do all tat...to make u feel tat even if you don seem important in this world to others..you actually matter more than anyone to them..

I would like to be angry at the world and everyone ard me..to take out my pain and dissapointment out on everyone near to me..but i will not..not to say tat im giving in to destiny or fate...im choosing my destiny, my path...even if it does hurt now..to feel unloved and empty...i will not falter..

"Close your eyes and feel me hold you
Can you lead me through this ordinary world
Let the sky cry restless rain
To wash away the miles between us
Cause without you, it's just an ordinary world"

My fav song of the month^^....

Juzt remember..love is there..juz have to look in the rite direction..

Till my next blog...lotsa of love and muacksssss^^

Wednesday, June 6, 2007


Huhu...im sooooooo tiredd >< ><...seriously really tired sia...its a wonder that i can even wake up for work everyday...wat motivates me? hmmmm.... with an average of lesss than 4 hrs sleep..im killing myself k? i know it...*dies*

My work has taken alot of eye power, brain power, finger power..stare at comp from 8 to 5.30, reach home, bath, and stare some more until almost 2+? siao lang =.=! i admit le..im nuts..berserk..cuckoo..and yet i still do it? WAT THE HELL IS WRONG WIT ME?!?!?!?

Ok, todays post shall not be an emo one..too tired to be emo k? even now as i stare at the comp..my brain is empty..im typing mindlessly..huhu..wat does tat leave me then? orh..nothing..ok bye guys!!!

Lol..jk jk...lets see wats new in my life..hmmm..nothing? oh ya..i want to resign from my job..but im scared T__T...chicken me..ive never handed resignation in such a short period before...i mean the last time i was like at wits end (and having ur mum whine and nag everyday also helped alot =x) oni did i gave my letter..i seriously dont know how im gonna do it..help? =x...

The reason im leaving u ask? (apart from the fact tat my mum's whining and nagging is starting again?) well, the family business is slowly picking up and i did promise last time tat i would help when it did...so in order for me to keep my promise, i have to do the impossible..gahhhhh..why am i so scared to let ppl know i quit? coz i don like to? Sigh..it seems inevitable tat i shd have to do tis o..oh heavens help me..

Today has been a depressing day for me T_T..feel like my frens are all leaving me..no more old frens left here in Pg...the last best fren i have is leaving for the US soon..I wish her happiness of coz..with all my heart..but i shall miss her dearly..Im all alone >< *saddened*

I actually for the first time blocked my pm in audi..and while i was playing some more..din feel like talking some how..was in my emo mood..oh well..alls well now..
MY DEAR FREN, I WISH U ALL THE HAPPINESS IN THE WORLD..LOVE U LOTS^^.. u've been there for me since we were 12 and my best fren always..u will always have a place in my heart..forever and ever..

To those who tried to pm me tonite..sorry again peeps (u too babe^^)..u know me la..overly sensitive..but tats why u guys love me rite? lmao..bps sia..eeee..blek blek :P

"...always cherish the ppl u have..frens..ppl who are there to listen and love u juz the way u are..u will nvr know how long u will have them beside u..."


Goodnite guys...<333 muaksss^^

Monday, May 28, 2007

I am..? am i..? maybe i am....

These past few days..i have been aimlessly living..no purpose..no direction..

Im lost...

Im starting to close myself up to the world..maybe i have given up hope..promises that will never be kept..not by me..not by anyone..no one is listening..im hurting and yet i smile to the world..cheer those who needs it..be the daugther and sister that im needed to be..

I am an empty shell of wat i was before..i hate it, hate myself for feeling like this..trying to so badly to be happy again..maybe im expecting too much in life..is that so wrong? to expect something for oneself..or we shdnt be so selfish..i nvr tot i was..

Trust..such a powerful word..trusting someone with ur life, money ..ur heart..given to the person who u know will treasure it and nvr misuse it..betrayal has been a common thing in my life..but i still trust in ppl..i will not let one bad apple ruin the whole basket..

Wats today blog abt u ask? do u feel depressed reading it? i have no idea..juz a place to spill my tots and release wateva that has been inside of me so i can move on wit my life..ramblings of a lost soul u might call it..

Lolz~ as i sit here listening to Brandy's "Have you ever"..the words suddenly makes sense to me..will i ever feel the same..i have, i think..i have..

"..there is fate..but it only takes you so far..once ure there..its all up to you.."

My dearest frens..even if u feel unloved and alone..nvr feel tat way..for i am always here..will always be in your hearts..and always remembered..

<33's and kisses from me to you..

Tuesday, May 22, 2007

This thing called......


Hmm..been coming across the matters of heart a lot lately..me, ppl around me..so as i was mindlessly driving home today,this topic suddenly came to mind..and though im half awake now (no thanks to audi..cannot log in >_>)and a long day of using my brain..tis is the oni time i think to myself..

I realised there are a few types of love..and here there are (in no particular order..juz as it came to mind)

1) Puppy Love - fumbling type of love..young hearts and young minds..not sure wat their doing but think they're in love..so sweet...

2)First Love - ahhhh..the most wonderful and unforgetable of all loves..whr ur mind is still young and carefree, the world is in your hands...but..love nonetheless..pure and simple and innocent love..(do u remember urs? :P)

3)Lusty Love - hmmm..raging hormones..mostly not thinking wit their hearts ok..of wat u ask? wat else is there?? lol~

4)Love at first sight - arrrr.. refer to no 3? sorry folks, it might have worked for sleeping beauty or snow white.. but not in this world..anyone there wish to show me im wrong, please feel free to do so..

5)True Love - hmmm..a very difficult one..tis one i do believe exists..but very rare..i mean staying wit the same person for the rest of ur life..definately a lot of love (lmao)..i mean seriously..ive seen it..and i hope for it..XD

6) Taken for granted Love - haiz..sad but true..it does happen..when someone is so comfortable wit the other person and takes each other for granted..tat they will always be there..

and the kind tat i believe in....

7)Friendship Love - always frens before...always..ive always believed tat..and i still do..tats whr u gain trust, understanding.i dono..its always something ive based my past r/s on..i suppose if the guy is not fren material..tat juz turns me off :P:P...

The conclusion? well there is none..juz my opinion and my opinion is "LOVE SUCKS!".. it makes ppl become total idiots, funbling and stumbling, make u weak in the knees, and stark raving mad and insanely jealous(for some ppl^^)...but....

The fact is..we cant live witout it..it fills us up..makes us do things we would nvr do..and as much as we deny it by saying how lucky we are to be alone..deep inside we yearn for it..

Yea..it hurts..and makes u cry at times..but tats love..and life..we search and search in hopes to finding our perfect match..in my case..i hope i will find it some day..and forget my past and wat it has shown me..hopefully it will make my heart strong enuf to fill another person completely..

I suppose..we shd always feel happy..happy to be in love and be loved..if thats not there then i don know wat else is there to hold 2 ppl together...I believe i am alone now coz i choose to..am still afraid to let go..to open my heart..to be loved..been hurt too many times and still picking up the pieces..one day i know..i will..

Well its a long subject..i suppose there shd be a part 2? lolz~...anyway anyone who reads tis who are total advocates of love..and are offended..im sorry..but i merely stating my point of view..as i sit in my car and try to complete my quest to reach home as soon as possible and audi (LMAO!!)am totally getting sick of the jam =.=!! and i still look like a HONG BAO!! T_T""...

Last but not least..cherish ur love..but keep in mind love makes us selfish..its not wrong..i always wish for the ppl i love to be happy..

Oh darn..its 2.30 >_>..diediediediedie....cya all peeps...<3333 muakssss^^

Friday, May 18, 2007

TaDaiMa Pt.3??? LMAO...

Hmmm..my blogs..veli slow hor..sorry laaa..writers block luh >_>...

Lets see wats new..


okok don be shocked k (i was too lo :P)..hun loves to shock ppl wit his spontaneity...lols..all he said was "lets get some stones to put beside our names"..i was like huh??!? wat stones?? :P:P.. too bad i suck at cpl mode..kept missing (>.< sorry babee) long time nvr play le..in the middle of the thing i got so nervous i couldnt even press T__T.. boo to me..too many ppl and i was scared to let them down...I DONT PLAY WELL UNDER PRESSURE ><.. lalalala~ giving myself excuses..hehe^^

ooo..waitin for ppl to come..mostly play members^^ thx guys for coming XDD..xiao mei (xiao xing was like OMG wait for me..lols) too last minute le..lots of ppl not on..T_T

Me veli veli bad..T_T cannot perf..boo me..poor hun..

WOOOTZ pass le =DDD.. hug hug..lmao^^

In our wedding suit.. see the bling bling by my name name?^^

Wedding Cert^^ lmao

Back to rl...

After avoiding it for 2 months..finally i have succumbed to it..MY OFFICE UNI ><.. haizzz.. its was a bit discreet, i wouldnt mind..the thing is now i look like a darn HONG BAO k???? so freakin red >_>...been giving excuse for not wearing.. in the end, im out of excuses..im not joking, i really look like a Hong Bao packet..T__T..

Been really tired and working like crazy..time is like nvr enuff..non stop working from 8.20 to 5.30 and still not enuff..staying after work for these past week..reaching home almost 8pm..eyes tired, back pain, and sick of the comp..lol~ not to mention my fingers has actually protested and not listening to my brain liao..kns..so my audi playin is really starin at the arrows as they pass by..keke..

Oh..went out with collegues too for farewell dinners (hmmm..doesnt sound good does it?), other than that..nothing much..ima boring person..o? i choose to be tat way? blek~

One thing tat is making me happy as i write tis is tat i do not have to wake up at 7am..IM SOOO HAPPPYYYYYYYYYY..2 days off..im gonna, gonna, gonna SLEEPPPP..YAY!!! PREEEEEEET!!

Okie..sleeping timeee..<33 muackss..and thanks again babe..muaks:P

Thursday, May 10, 2007

TaDaiMa Pt 2? O.o

Im back...again? MIA again?? huhu..haizz..

Din mean to disappear for so long but was nvr in a good enuf mood to blog..always felt moody and angry..maybe im losing it..i think i am...frankly been getting pissed off so easily..angry at alot of things..myself and ppl.. (sorry for those who was at receiving end of my wrath..esp hun >< sorry luh)

The world can be a cruel place..whr ppl are judged by the 1st impression..no not the world..ppl can be cruel..why do we live in a society who has double standards on ppl? yes we may say..screw the ppl who does tat..but sincerely arent we all judged that way first? i always believed in looking at the person inside..who they are..but i suppose tats the fool i am..i trust too much and put myself as unworthy of being cared for :( wat a fool...

A fren of mine used to say.."what ur heart desires the most is the one thing u will nvr get" .. i used to tell him "you will get everything u desire the most if u put ur heart to it.." im starting to believe wat he said...

Its raining again...been raining alot.. a sad person might say..that the world is crying wit them.. but i suppose another way of saying it would be..maybe the world is washing away ur hurt and pain and when the sun comes out it will be a new day and a new beginning...im still waiting for the rain to stop..

Perhaps im feeling lost..ive lost my way in the quest of looking for myself and my tunnel seems dark again...someone said to me that they felt invisible to the world..tat no one knows they exist..my answer to that person is... we are all living our own lives..even though there are ppl around us..we are actually alone in our journey..nobody can walk it for us...only with us..loneliness is a state of mind...we need to speak up if we felt abandoned or left behind..no one will ever know wat we think or wat the heart feels...if they choose to stop and wait for u then treasure them with all your heart..but if they walk further away then let them go..

Hurhur..my emo level so high today..but no worries..life goes on..sad or happy..maybe i shd be more moody and whine more..then i can be a grunge song writer :P:P...kakaka..

Dedicating today's post to that person who feels lonely and invisible.."even if u feel that the world has forgotten abt u..there's still a fool who's ur fren and always been beside u.. i might understand wat ur thinking but ive walked tat road too at times..the rain will go away.." lolz

<333 and kisses~ muacksss...

Sunday, April 29, 2007

TaDaiMa~ Pt.1

Huhu^^ ima back...for those who did not notice tat i was even gone >_>...i have been busy moving hse for the past 2 weeks...but it was until last week tat we really got busy and started to move all the big stuff...wat do i have to say abt all the moving? 1 word - TIRING!!!...i know i said tis the last time, but ima gonna stay here forever and ever and ever >.<...i have bruises and scratches and blue black spots all over me..oh gosh..i juz spotted another zzZzzz...today is actually the official day we finish moving..WHOOOOPP!!! =DDD

Juz got my net connection back 2 days ago..went to cc for a couple of days..but was so laggy =.=!!and the thing is i went to cancel my old line and register for a new one, they told me tat they will oni install the new line in abt 3 to 7 days time (!!!!??!?!?!?) ..and so i patiently waited (NOT!!!) and when it did come..my family decided not to tell me and i went to cc to play abit..RAWR RAWR RAWR!!...in the end they were dropping clues and suddenly it hit me..WE GOT INTERNET!!! no wonder they ask me do tis and tat la..nehneh..they were afraid i would be stuck in front of pc again..wont laaaa...(=P=P)...and we even upgraded the speed (now it goes WHOOOOSSHH~...lololol)

Think i shall post photos of my new place..but now still so tired..old hse clear..new one full of stuff >_>... well besides all the grumbling and complaining i really love my new place..it was actually in the area where my grandparents to live..where my mum brought us after the divorce..so yea, a lot of good memories here XD.. funny how things work..after so long and moving all over the place..we end up in the place tat we 1st started out^^...

I actually had a lot of things to say de..but suddenly writers block pula..zhu la..bleh~ HOHO!! my mind really blank le T_T!...simi la...tats why i put Part 1..hurhur XD...tomolo then continue can? must break up a bit..if not later u all say long post again >.<..

tomolo lo guys..<333 u all...muacksss (..to be continued =P...)

Monday, April 16, 2007

Argghhh x.X

Bleh~ ima tired, sleepy, my body is aching and did i mention im tired? The reason u ask? Sigh...we're moving house x.x... how i always shiver when i hear those words..my head hurts juz by typing it..

U cant possibly imagine the amount of stuff we have in the house..i cannot understand how we seem to accumulate so much junk and its growing!!! OMG ITS ALIVE!!!!! X.x....Since my sis and mum are starting their business soon, they rented a double storey hse and the grd floor will be the workplace..the place so darn big..cleaning the toilets also make me faint le..then they decided to hire professional cleaners..cant imagine how we gonna keep tat place clean..

Im excited..its a new environment..quite cool actually..juz the moving part..scared to think also..now we're driving back and forth taking the small things first and i dont even think we're like a 1/5 through...zzzzzzz....will probably be moving in by next week..and i might not be around for a few days..until the internet line is set up..gahh no internet T__T....

Arrr...not much to update le..my brain not working lei...today whole carry stuff nia..back pain, arm pain..pain pain x.x...oh btw...ytds post, for u guys who didnt get it..its actually my own compo.. and not some story i found in the net de(=.=!)... its actually ermm..my story >.<... juz felt i needed to talk abt it..sorry if u guys found it a wee bit depressing =/....

Well until my next post...<3333.. muacksssssss^^

Saturday, April 14, 2007

Mahal kita~

My update~

" I could not imagined it then but i know now how she must have felt as she stood there in the hallway, looking at him and at "her"..he had brought "her" to the one place that was her sanctuary..her home~ She had asked me to wait by the back door wit my siblings..we had juz come back from her parents hse to lessen our financial burden and she came back to tis...

There was complete silence at first but then came raised voices and sobs among those voices..I could feel anger and dissapointment in her voice but could not understand why~...I think i do now...

With my younger brother in my arms fast asleep, and my sis grasping tightly on my arm..she asked me wat was going on..i couldnt reply her..i didnt know how~But i had felt my 1st taste of betrayal at the age of 7...

She took us away from that shattered home..which was no longer ours and move back in with her parents...she had been a single mother at 25.....She had left this home 7 years ago to be with the man that she loved...and she thought that was all that was needed...LOVE~ He had been a pampered, well off child and even after he had no more family to rely on..he still kept on his old ways...but she loved him..i knew she did..

She worked hard to support us, was constantly away from home..and the resposibilty of taking care of my siblings rested upon me..she had trusted me on this...this was a small thing to do for her...as compared as wat she was doing for us....To have to shoulder tis burden so young..and yet she never faltered and always stood strong...

Though he did come to see me in school, he never once gave me money to bring back to her...to help support us.. all that was given was old hand me down gifts which meant nothing to us..The one question that will haunt me for the rest of my life is when he asked "I dont think i did anything wrong, right?"....No u didnt...if thats the way u feel...nothing more could come out of my lips..and tis came from the man who once wanted to sell me off to the highest bidder...if not for her persistance..maybe i would have..but i..forgive..him..

It has been around 20 years since that day...and we are happy..we really are... we have each other and thats all that matters..She has been the pillar of strength, and the one person i look up the most in the world..her courage and determinations astounds me every single day.. she has tought us to be independant and always look inside ourselfs if we face difficulities in life...she is my hero and my source of inspiration.. though its a bit too late..but "Happy Birthday" and

I love u MUM...always have and always will..<333

Its always been hard for us to say out our feelings..and as she reads this..i hope she will understand how much we all love her..she is our heart and our soul..without her..there is no us..

Im not telling tis story for sympathy..wat has happened has past..maybe it has left a mark in all of us..though i was young when it happened..but i will always remember it..Im telling you her story because hers is one worth telling..how she overcame everything and raised us all..if i was half the person she was...i would be grateful..

"...always be grateful for what u have in life...we are only living on borrowed time..nothing last forever...try to make the best of it..alwayss...never have regrets of wat could have or might have been.." ~ me

Wednesday, April 11, 2007


Keke.. dam tired today...the cause? me sleeping at almost 3 and waking up at 6.45 am x.x...i know i know..im gonna le sleep le la..my fingers hurt, my head hurts..haiz..i actually fell asleep in the toilet!!! nehneh sia >.<... since im not gonna write much today.. im gonna leave u guys wit tis..oh almost forgot..joined the exp compy again today^^ starting to like doing it..huhu..makes me kin cheong..very chi kek sia..kakaka =x...nvr take ss also..so lazy..so many things to do..tomolo ba..=p=p

Read Carefully and Understand the Meanings:

Nobody is perfect until you fall in love with them.
Love starts with a smile, grows with a kiss, and ends with a tear.
Don't cry over anyone who won't cry over you.
What do you do when the only person who can make you stop crying is the person who made you cry?
If love isn't a game, why are there so many players?
Good friends are hard to find, harder to leave, and impossible to forget.
You can only go as far as you push! Actions speak louder than words.
The hardest thing to do is watch the one you love, love somebody else.
Don't let the past hold you back, you're missing the good stuff. Life's short. If you don't look around once in a while you might miss it.
A best friend is like a four leaf clover, hard to find and lucky to have.
Some people make the world special by just being in it. Best friends are the siblings God forgot to give us.
When it hurts to look back, and you're scared to look ahead, you can look beside you and your best friend will be there. True friendship never ends. Friends are forever.
Good friends are like stars....you don't always see them, but you know they are always there.

Don't frown, you never know who is falling in love with your smile.
Everything is okay in the end. If it's not okay, then it's not the end.
Most people walk in and out of your life, but only friends leave footprints in your heart.
If u love something...let it go. If it comes back to you its yours.... If it doesn't then it never was.
A kiss is just a kiss until u find the one you love. A hug is just a hug until its from the one ur thinking of.

A dream is just a dream until u make it come tru.
LOVE is just a word until its proven 2 u.

Hurhur^^... nitesssss all...muackssssss

Tuesday, April 10, 2007


The weekends have come and gone...not much was done...but nonetheless..was a good weekend^^.. had my most needed rest and also went out wit my sis (something i have not done in awhile ><..soryy sis)..even mum says ive become a hermit..=.=! Hmm.. cant really say much abt these 2 days..most of the times..i was either in bed or audi (bed more =P)..oooo.. almost forgot.. i got my new set le..<3333 and i change my skin color.. huhu.. ima paler=p...gonna take some ss soon^^

Was playing really sucky most of the time...maybe juz too tired and my eyes seems to dry up more often x.x...woke up late on sun...almost 1 le..played abit of audi..help bassy npc a bit( he wanted to get his uni) and went out (wooott!).. went to Popular Book store, apparently they were havin a clearance sale.. books books.. used to read a lot last time..my sis was like "oh no, now we won see u le..its either audi or my nose stuck in the books.." =x=x

Got a cpl of nice books..wont last me long though..i read very fast de.. and then it was off to Pisa for the Pc Fair.. wanted to chk out new speakers^^.. i really bth mine le...no sound one side.. so put loud.. suddenly both sides got sound O_O!!! deaf le... blind and deaf =.= .. cwap>.<... well michy and babe ask me to look at altec lansing brand de.. so was looking out for it.. SUDDENLY!!! i heard ZAZAZA!!! Koyote Sparks =.= and guess from whr.... the altec lansing speakers booth =.= .... seemed like the devil telling me "see how nice ur audi songs will be if u get those speakers..." no choice le...had to get it lurh...its a sign k >.<....

Drove, drove, drove.. my legs felt disconnected from my body.. so jam >.<.. reach home already 8.30 le...reach home nia went into audi le..then follo mich they all to compy... and i got sucked in =.= .. nuuuuu i din wan to play.. too tired le.. but got to 2nd rd.. so nice..almost got through lo...kekeke... so proud of myself...and a lot of pro in the room lo.. got 4th not bad le la..prac more^^.... then the gang ended up looking at npc costumes.. mei and mich got theirs le (Narisa and Nicole) and i was undecided.. wanted to get shurin but so exp @_@ (bo lui la)..

Michy suggested dens one..so it was either seneka or sally..choose sally in the end..but i look really brite >.< (nvm blind everyone and i win muahahahaaha =x=x) Michy helped me npc to get my pants..<3333 thxxx lao shu~ she helped when i was at work T_T

When everyone left, i stayed on and looked for new moves..found some really sexy ones^^...in the end slept at abt 3 am...and had to wake up at b4 7am...deaded x.x).. sian day at work again.. its getting boring.. sigh.. and rejoiced when it was time to go home (not a good sign?)

I got some new stories but now lazy to type le...wan go read my books=p..tomolo ba^^..

Yerr 1am liao...need to sleep le...tomolo zombie again...

"...if u want something badly, let it go..if it comes back to you then its urs forever..if it doesnt then its never going to be.."

Hehehe..niteee peeps..sweet dreams.. muackssssss^^

Saturday, April 7, 2007


Hurhur..probably shouldnt be blogging now..too tired x_x...i think i might go blind before the month is over..always staring at the comp for 8 am to 5.30pm...no energy to audi also..my eyes keep drying up..sigh..so dead...

Well my mum and sis are gonna start their own company wit my uncle as the financial supporter.. and they ask me to help them out..not yet decided..the things is there are pros and cons to the thing.. i mean family business wor..of coz good la...then there the fact tat its "family business" and wit the emotional levels of the ppl in my family..i a bit scared to be the in between person..later cold war again how, how, how??? T_T..

Lucky i don have work tomolo (YAY!!!).. plan to do a lot of things..want to go out(by myself =p=p), see a movie (hmm? shd i shd i?) and buy some stuff lo...we'll see wat time i wake up tomolo..suppose to go out wit an ex colleague tomolo morning, he's been bugging for ages(dotness..=.=)..see how lo...lalalala~

I juz realised tat i can dissapear from the face of the earth quite easily, i mean i nvr keep in touch wit ex co-workers.. they always say like i juz went poof..i feel tat its quite true to a certain point..sometimes the past is best left in the past..but friends? i try...i really do...im so good at running away from things(tats another story..x_x).. am i a bad person? sigh..i suppose i am..

"...there is some self interest behind every friendship..there's no friendship witout self interests..tis is the bitter truth.."

U think tats true? tat ppl are frens coz of self interests and not other things?... well if im frens with ppl coz i want to be loved and love others in return..then i suppose its true then..i am selfish..lol~

So many things i wan do..things tat i used to do...dunno wat has changed to make me forget all the things i enjoy doing the most..i shall promise myself tat i will try to bring some light and fun into my life again..1st thing i wan to do..grab a couple of beers..drive out to my special place and see the night sky and welcome the dawn^^.. lame as u might think tat is..it makes me feel relaxed and reassures me tat there is bigger world out there..

Ok..better stop here for today..if not a lot of stuff will start coming out..and i wouldnt even remember wat i said..hahaha =x...gonna watch ghost rider on dvd and fall asleep in the 1st half hour LOL!...until again.. muackssssssssssssssssss^^

Wednesday, April 4, 2007

Love and Life... the continuation^^..

Tis story tell us something abt Love & Life,

"My husband is an engineer by profession, i love him for his steady nature and i love the warm feeling when i lean against his broad shoulders. 2 years of courtship and now, 5 years into marriage, i would have to admit, tat i am getting tired of it. The reasons of me loving him b4 has now transformed into the coz of all my restlessness..

I am a sentimental woman and extremely sensitive when it comes to a relationship n my feelings. i yearn for the romantic moments, like a little girl yearning for candy. my husband is my complete opposite; his lack of sensitivity, and the inability of bringing romantic moments into our marriage has disheartened me abt LOVE.

One day, i finally decided to tell him my decision, tat i wanted a divorce. "Why?" he asked, shocked. "I am tired, there are no reasons for everything in the world!" i answered.. He kept silent the whole nite, seemingly in deep thought. my feeling of dissapointment oni increased. Here was a man who was not able to even express his predicament, so wat else could i expect from him?

And finally he asked me: "Wat can i do to change ur mind?".. somebody said it rite.. its hard to change a person's personality, and i guess, i have started to lose faith in him..Looking deep into his eyes i slowly answered: "Here's the question..if u can answer and convince my heart, i will change my mind. Lets say, i want a flower located on the face of a mountain cliff, and we are both sure tat picking the flower will cause ur death. Will u do it for me?"

He said: " I will give u my answer tommorow.." My hopes jus sank by listening to his response.. I woke up the next morning to find him gone and saw a pc of paper wit his scratchy handwriting underneath a milk glass, on the dining table, near the front door, tat goes...

My dear, "i would not pick tat flower for u, but.. pls allow me to explain the reasons further...the first line was already breaking my heart. I continued reading..

"When u use the computer u always mess up the software programs, and u cry in front of the screen. i have to save my fingers so tat i can help to restore the programs. You always leave the house keys behind, thus i have to save my legs to rush home to open the door for u.

You love travelling but always lose ur way in a new city. i have to save my eyes to show u the way..you always have the cramps whenever ur "good fren" approaches every month. i have to save my palms so tat i can calm the cramps in ur tummy..

You like to stay indoors, and i worry ta u will be infected by infantile autism. i have to save my mouth to tell u jokes and stories to cure ur boredom..

You always stare at the computer, n tat will do nothing good for ur eyes. i have to save my eyes so tat when we grow old, i can help to clip ur nails n help u remove those annoying white hairs. so i can hold ur hand while strolling down the beach, as u enjoy the sunshine and the beautiful sand.. and tell u the color of flowers, juz like the color of the glow on ur young face..

Thus my dear, unless i am sure tat there is someone who loves u more than i do.. i could not pick tat flower, and die...

My tears fell on the letter and blurred the ink of his handwriting..and as i continue on reading.."Now, tat u have finished reading my answer, and if u are satisfied, please open the front door for i am standing outside bringing ur favorite bread and fresh milk...

I rushed to open the door, and saw his anxious face, clutching tightly wit his hands, the milk bottle and loaf of bread.. now i am very sure tat no one will ever love me as much as he does and i have decided to leave the flower alone....

That's Life and Love.. when one is surrounded by love, the feeling of excitement fades away, and one tends to ignore the true love tat lies in between the peace and dullness. Love shows up in all forms; even in very small and cheeky forms. It has nvr been a model, it could be the dullest and most boring form..

Flowers and romantic moments are only used and appears on the surface of the relationship. Under all tis, the pillar of true love stands.. And tats LIFE!

So so? long post leh?? i had to retype it coz i din have the copy in my comp @_@...so u had better appreciate it =p... Did it touch u as much as it did me? i think the woman a bit like me in terms of emotions.. a bit oni laa..but i know better now^^....

"..NEVER take a person for granted..for u will never know when it might juz all go away.. "

Tuesday, April 3, 2007

Love and Life....

I now truly understand y my family says im a workaholic..i truly, madly, deeply love to work^^.. work tat occupies my time and makes me busy.. not monotonous one mind u..im saying tis coz tis job tat im having now.. seems to be going in tat direction..its not giving me the satisfaction im looking for..and im getting bored >.<.. which is not a good thing coz i tend to stay at one place for long periods..even my last job which was suppose to be my "transition job" was for abt almost 2 years..lol~

But im not saying im gonna quit..no no no..im gonna give it 1 more month and decide..but tis job might be the reason i go blind lei.. staring at the comp the entire day and looking at the darn item codes @_@...oh well...the other day my mum was saying tat me and my brother are the oppposite extremes..when we were studying..he was always the one who played hookey and skip school most of the time where else i would always be present (even when i had my asthma attack >.<).. i dunno y i do it... even now when we are working.. its still the same.. juz my bro dun hookey so much laa..but im still the same.. i always felt responsible to finish all i have started..if i wasnt sick (even if i was) i will always be there..i dunno.. call me dumb, but i suppose tat part of me will nvr change =P...

Been really tired these few days..mum and sis were having a cold war and i was sort of stuck in between >< ... mum would complain to me abt sis...sis would complain (gahhhh).. i give opinions (NEVER EVER DO TAT)... i get shot at.. sigh.. luckily it ended last nite..or i would have avoided coming home today..stress >.< ...

The reason for my blog title today? well i read a really touching story but not gonna put it here coz too long le... (mei if u want it, ill send it to u^^..very nice ><).. well in summary, ill leave u guys wit this...

"..the happiest people in the world are not those who have no problems, but those who learn to live with things tat are less than perfect.."

wat do u think?? muacksssssss^^

Sunday, April 1, 2007


Huhu...my siggy..juz wan to show off...ange mei did de <33333....so nice..

I'm back^^...

Well been away most of the time these 2 days..my sleeping fiesta has been delayed from day to day.. until today..finally i get to sleep in..really been feeling a bit blue..dunno y..dun ask..missing a lot of ppl..u guys know who u are..

Went to the movies with Mr.Blur on friday..actually was dreaming of my bed the whole day..came back early..was watching some replays, then the sms came.."hey wanna watch movie tonite?".. i was like hmmm...bed..movie..bed..movie..after a number of sms'es(was already on the bed)..couldnt fall asleep le T_T..and since he suggested Mr Bean, been meaning to watch it..decided to go..halfway there it started to rain...heavily =.= (shd have stayed in bed)...in the end, guess wat..Mr Bean sold out..RAWR..ended up watching the lamest movie ever...(Warning: DUN EVER WATCH HAUNTED FOREST!!!) OMG..it shd get the award for the lamest movie of the year..loitered ard the arcades while waiting for the movie(it was an hr later) walk ard.. found no place to sit coz it was still raining and the mall was already closed.. so ended sitting on the staircase.. i dunno abt u guys but i havent chit chatted in staircases since i was in secondary school k..anyway chatted a bit and went for the movie.. NOW...briefly abt the movie...

Starring Ekin Cheng and Shu Qi: Shu Qi(SQ) plays a cop investigating a murder case and Ekin Cheng(EC) is a botanist..cut a long lame story short..EC can talk to trees (???!!??!)..it juz gets lamer and lamer..i was like falling asleep..and the Grand Finale...it turns out the forest isnt filled wit ghosts of ppl who killed themselves there..its ALIENS (LAMEEEEEE), they are doing research on humans..or wateva la...OMFG..i switched off my brain at tis point..movie ended..YAY!!!

The last movie i watched also was a lame movie..Epic Movie..and guess wit who?..Mr Blur lo..no more le..next time must make sure got the movie i wan to watch then oni can..nehneh sia..Well went to car park to get car..and our fren here forget whr he kept his ticket..i shd have guessed..so spent abt 15mins looking for it..it was in his wallet all the time =.=...reached home at abt 1.30am..so sweet, he followed my car (huhu) and sms'ed to make sure im safe at home..but pls har.. no more lame movies...

Saturday morning.. work..gahhh..so boring.. seriously dreaming of my bed le..had to wash my face like xN times..lucky half day nia..had to fetch my sis from work..went to get lunch..and some grocery shopping (bed bed bed bed @_@).. reached home..mum says..later we have to go Cheng Beng( all souls day) ar.. dun forget... HUH??!?!?!?!.. no offense.. i really want to go pray at my grandparents grave..but but but...sigh...slept for abt 45 mins..was shouted at to wake up..drove for abt 1hr...prayed.. reached home at abt 9.30pm...soooooo tiredddd...had dinner.. and went audi lo.. 2 days le nvr play..oh.. my siblings and i had games galore ytd.. my sis on ps2 (playing her tomb raider), bro on xbox (some zombie game) and me on pc (audi lo)..but all so tired.. couldnt last..3.30am all pengzz le.. slept until 12 today lo..

Not really sure wat to do for the rest of the day..rest? audi? we'll see ba..

"...nvr say goodbye..i feel a sense of lost when u utter those words..juz say goodnite..cya tomolo..."

Thursday, March 29, 2007


Waaa..really long day le today..so much things to do one >.<.. but at least got 1hr lunch today.. other days oni 1/2 hr nia..so can slack slightly longer...then suddenly after lunch got training =.=
... dunno train wat lo.. prod codes or something like tat la..bleh.. went in..trainer kept saying short one oni..it lasted for 3 hrs (gahhhh!!).. my fren beside me kept dozing off..lucky i wasnt affected..by the time we came out..time to clock out le...my work nvr finish T_T..tomolo more le...
And another thing, i finally passed my license!!! wooooot...ima backup =p...but noobie backup loo.. if u had seen me take my license, i think u will get heart attack sia..coz i almost did >_> ... here's the short breakdown:

Last 1 min: left 8 perfs (hmm..shd be can kua..but i also blurring a bit..and my last try, if cannot then sleep le..so din put hope)
Last 10 secs: left 1 perf!!! (omgomgomg)
Last 3 secs: left 300 exp (gahhhhh!! last move.. dun miss dun miss ><)

Waaa really heart attack le...but i still pass luu...huhu...so happy^^...HAHAHAHA...=x

Oh yea, another cool news..tis juz in nia...i got my 1st mil today =p...Freestyle Y, got x11 lo.. 1st time i chain tat high... really nice to perf for me sia.. but hor, i using my stiffy acc..den the girl in the room.. say i bian tai =.= , chain so much...blehhhhh..nvm de..still happy luuuu...kakakaaka...
they lose to stiffy sia...hurhur...ima noobieeee...

Okie...today cannot say a lot...brain falling asleep le..zzZZZzzzZZ...muackiesssssssssssss^^

Tuesday, March 27, 2007


Long day at work again today..non stop action..shd be thankful actually but sometimes a lot is too much >.< ..its been awhile since ive done office job, all my previous job had flexible times..so i could go home at any time..but tat also meant nite work..so both has it pros and cons i suppose..juz dont like the feeling of being tied down (mei dun anyhow think pls..).. but at least finished all my work (so efficient =p).. b4 5.30 was clearing my desk le, getting ready to go home..suddenly mum called???!!?

Mum: Meet me at Tesco later, need to buy some stuff..
Me: Huh?? isnt sis wit u?
Mum: Yea..but who's gonna sign for it?
Me: Orh...ok (......)

Understood la..the oni reason im going is to foot the bill..reached there early..they called to say they will be late (rawrr!!!).. so slept in the car..called again to say maybe cannot make it, ask me to go home 1st (!!!!!) Drove home...got stuck in a bit of a jam =.= ...thinking wat i shd do (at tis point i still din know audi is patching today).. tot maybe try to license again today (ive done it like xN times T_T, always left 1 or 2 perfs..RAWRRRR) ..o yea, broke my record ytd..slept b4 12.30..b4 everyone in the hse!! my mum was like "huh?? sleeping??" yea yea..i was tired la.. came home str8 audi ma and then @#$^$&^%%^ license cannot pass T____T... still sleepy now lo (shh babe dun say anything..i really tired de..)... now sitting in front of the comp also thinking of wat to do..watch movie i suppose..or sleeeep =p.. huhu...patch extended till 8 (by the time i finish patching, it will be 12 lo =.=) ah well...

Been thinking of renting a room wit my frens for awhile now (since my last job..) but they always forget to tell me when they have an empty room T_T...not tat i dun like staying wit the family, i mean i lovee my family..but sometimes need some space for myself..when everyone's at home is really like market like tat..its either i audi or i go sleep..den the family dog which is constantly horny >_>.. gahhhh.. stress sia >.< ... c'est la vie...maybe, probably...ill look ard..kakaka..

Poem for the day....

Remember (Christina Georgina Rosseti)
Remember me when I am gone away,
Gone far away into the silent land;
When you can no more hold me by the hand,
Nor I half turn to go yet turning stay.
Remember me when no more day by day
You tell me of our future that you plann'd:
Only remember me; you understand
It will be late to counsel then or pray.
Yet if you should forget me for a while
And afterwards remember, do not grieve:
For if the darkness and corruption leave
A vestige of the thoughts that once I had,
Better by far you should forget and smile
Than that you should remember and be sad.

Too poetic? or too depressing?? its about lost love or lost relations...the thing is ive been thinking of wat i have done in my lifetime.. i mean
will i be remembered for wat i have done..or juz be forgotten..have a made my presence felt? Will my leaving be felt? (and i dun mean death ok? =.=) ...well ppl dont like to think abt these stuff..but i do.. not in a "i love death...hahahaha" kind of way..but in a realistic way..have i made my mark or am i juz another human living their life aimlessly.. i suppose.. "LIfe is like a box of chocolates, u'll nvr know wat u're gonna get..".. a familiar quote? ok...ill stop being a depressing ^^...going go watch some CSI and have my dinner (yummm) and try patching later =DD...hurhur XD...muackssss

Monday, March 26, 2007

Laggy laggy meee >.<

Huhu... been meaning to blog these past 2 days but everytime i open it up, my brain goes poof and its blank again..other times my comp is so slow tat before the pages come up, i fall asleep le >_> .... im SERIOUS!! i really do fall asleep...dunno la my line very bad these past week..ive given up on all hope tat it will recover..as i told mei the other day, if u look up the dictionary and find "lag", there u will find anoili...sigh... oh well...its either tat or my brain which is constantly lagging.. well found a poem during one of my aimless browsing of the net.. the rest were quite tacky but tis was..i found "deep" bleh~
A Friend Most True by Wendy Hinsson
I need to know if you’re my true friend,will you be by my side until the end?
Can I tell you my secrets deep,and trust them in your heart you’ll keep?
We are neither of us without our flaws,can you accept mine as I will yours?
I’ll be a shoulder to cry on when you’re blue,will you be there for me when I need you?
No matter how busy I will make time for you,if you are busy will you make time for me too?
I will take your hand and comfort your tears,will you hold me and soothe my fears?
I will give you joy and many warm smiles,can we share that even across many miles?
I will not forget what’s important to you,will you remember what’s important to me too?
With you my most favourite things I’ll share,If only I know do you truly care?
If you can accept me as I do you,then I will know you are a friend most true.
Well..?? too bad if u dint like it..muahahahaha..erh hmm.. sorry for being lame..
Been really tired these few days.. and my eyes have recently gone quite blurry..guess have been looking at the excel spreadsheets too much..its actually reddish now >.< ... recently been getting bored and restless easily.. guess i want to do more things in my life. see more stuff and not live tis monotonous life.. go work, come home, sleep....if oni i can leave everything behind(which is something tat will nvr happen)..so many "if only's..." ... shd write down a list though..if one day tat day does come..i wont leave anything behind..hurhur..LIVE LIFE LIKE THERE'S NO TOMMORROW!!! OMG..im getting hyped up >.<
Wanted to see a movie ytd, but my mum ask me to fetch sis from work so tat was tat..i wan go kai kai!!! and today woke up at above 12 and went into audi at abt 2? played until 6pm and went to sleep x_x until abt 8.30 (huhu).. went back in to audi (i know i know..no need to say) and help babe level..again!! (pump pump) Btw gratzzzzz babe for making 30, jyjy wor =p....
Played a few games (was actually watching tv most of the time) and came out at 12.30.. boohoo my weekends have come and goneeee..so fast.. tomolo work again @_@... oh my tian!!! is it tat late le... nuuuuuu T_T....well at least i have enuf rest..hurhur...
Ok...my brain has juz lagged on me again..probably because its already 2am and way past my bedtime.. oh yeah..had a really weird dream last nite...will tell u all tomolo =p=p.... *runsssssss*
Lost for words at