Sunday, November 29, 2009

I just got a new haircut!! Yay~♥

My sis FINALLY open shop today and offered to cut and straighten my hair for me :D After its been in a state of chaotic mess for the past month or so. But then ive been hesitating too. The time it takes to have it all done x.x In the past it could go up to abt 6hrs! Minimum ok? My butt hurts and ima restless person...:X

Anyway, this time it only took 4hrs :DD yay~ So, new haircut, for a new week, a new month (well, almost), and almost a new year :D

Day has been quiet, woke early, to serve my dishes lol ( i seriously wonder why im still so playin cafe world...i knw...its kiasuism :S) The lag i have to go through jz to play that game, and still im relentless :p

Afternoon was spent doing my hair, slept awhile after that, woke up, watch abit of tv and here i am now.

Cant believe its Monday again! Arghhhh!! :S Ramble, grumble, whine, complain, bla bla bla...

Im so so lazy and bored at the same time. Contradiction? Not really. I wanna do stuff coz im bored but when i find things to do, im lazy. LOL! Oh well D:

Net played a cruel game with me at nite, totally pissed me off when its 2min dc'ing at a time. So annoyed that i actually fell asleep! D: In the end, had to restart pc, and it was slightly better again..>_<

Guess im off to bed, since its almost, well not, its 3 now. Crap =.="

Have a great week guys~ :)

Saturday, November 28, 2009

My eyes hurt :(

I dont knw whether i accidentally knock on something when i was sleeping or is it because ive been staring at the pc for long hrs. All i knw is, the minute i touch it, it feels sore :( Maybe i shd see a doc :S

Anyway, its the weekends again. Though work didnt go so well, actually argued with my colleague because she was getting on my nerves. Kept repeating the same thing over and over again and i juz snapped and told her to get str8 to the point. She got pissed. As if i fking care? Jz be precise and get to the dam point. Sheesh.

Day was quite hot and somehow i was feeling kinda hyper in the afternoon and lethargic later in the evening. Didnt do much the entire day, jz sat ard and watched dvd's and staring at the pc, with the occasional 15min naps. Dont knw why i felt so restless today.

Oh ya, for the past cpl of days, been bumping into someone which i totally dislike with every single nerve in my body at lunch. Of all the ppl, i would bump into, it had to be her. And not even once, twice! Wtf. Every time i look at her, i jz feel sick to the stomach. Dont think ive ever disliked someone this much b4, bt she reminds me of alot of ugly shit. I would use hate, bt its a strong word, even though its hw i really feel =.=

Other than that, audied awhile with ray n sam. Nothing much, was kinda quiet most the game lol. But there was one convo between ray n sam which really cracked me up,

Sam: So how do u swing fast fast? (they were talking abt badminton)
Ray: Use hand.

LOL! I knw ray actually meant it seriously, but man, did that make me lol for real! Haha :D

Left awhile after that, coz was feeling tired and cranky lol. Nets been givin me problems the entire night. So dam screwed up. I mean we're paying SP for fks? I juz feel like picking up the phone and giving whoever who is unlucky enuf to pick up the call and giving them a good piece of my mind. Hmmm..maybe i shd do that tomoro =.=

Couldnt even get into any of the applications properly and i washed my stoves in Cafe World like 5times and still im cleaning coz the connection keeps gettin cut. >_>'''' Bah bah bah! Whatever. Sue offered to help, but im jz too annoyed. If i cant do it, then heck let it be =.=

So now im sittin here, tired, cranky, irritated and sleepy. Maybe it coz i didnt sleep in the afternoon. Lol..

Maybe i shd go sleep now :p Since i cant do much with the screwed up connection =.=

Friday, November 27, 2009

Greeting fellow earthlings @ 27th Nov 09~!

Currently blogging and enjoying my bowl of ice kacang at the same time (yes yes, im coughing..but shhh :X)

So, what have i been up to these cpl of days? Thursday was spent rejoicing that it was finally Thursday lmao :X Didnt really wanna sleep at all, so spent it juggling and multi-taskin between tv, fb, audi, msn ..etc etc.. Oh ya! Wanted to look for a new blogskin, well actually raychy found a few for me, but im still lazy to re-edit it with my stuff @___@;;

Fell asleep at the pc at about 4? :X

Woke up early on Friday, ard 8plus i think..pc had juz been resting fr a few hrs nia..poor thing :p Audi'ed with babe after i served my dishes in cafe world :p One thing, C9'ing in the early morning...bery confusing x.x Maybe i havent audi'ed tis early in a veryy loonng time :p

Then slept, cafe world'ed, slept, oh, got jio audi by ken !! Miracle!! :p...took my dog for a run, came back, slept, fb, cafe world, csi.. bla bla bla bla....Lol~

Pretty boring huh? It was fun! :DD Family went out to Ipoh (i think) and since i was still feeling a little sick, i decided to stay home. Wee~ Home alone! Peace and quiet :O

Evening was spent doing just about the same thing thing of the night? Audi'ed with ange, mango and ken Really missed playin with u guys la~! The laming, craping, indecency :p And guessed who jio? Ange! LOL! Of all the ppl in the world :p Missed ya mei~ Lubs~ :)

Yes! I saved replay and took ss of us :P

I think its true babe, audi trying to screw with our 8k by putting in C9 :S

Sad thing abt audi'ing is i suddenly have intermittent freezes when i play :( Im not sure if its coz of the bad connection or the windows mode that i had set previously.Hmmm.. Anyway cant change it back to full screen anymore since the log in is now the old one we use to have. Bla. But still it was a fun nite :) We shd do it again soon guys ~ :D

Lamed on msn, watched lame ass vids on youtube and finally slept at abt 3plus'ish :X ~

Note: my posts are always one day behind :p YES! It takes me one day to finish bloggin now..but still i post right?? :p

Im happy its Saturday! Wee~ :D

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Hello peeps @ 25th Nov~

Cant believe ive been updating my blog almost every day. Somehow i find comfort in it again. Telling how i feel, my dreams, my wishes and not be judged of what i am supposed and not supposed to do.

I find solace in it. Its a place i pour and vent my feelings out and forget about it when i wake up tomoro. Some day, i will read back on my past post and laugh at my innocence or stupidity. Lol :)

Its Thursday~ finally :) And for this weeks' special, Thursday is the new Friday :p

Played audi for almost 6hrs ytd nite. Dont knw why i did it though lol. Havent played so much in a long long time. Was too engrossed with C9 and also to block out the voices in my head. I think im becoming delusional lol~
Nah, its just alot of going ons at the same time. About my path in life, where do i wanna go frm here. Am i happy now? Well, i try to be. Alot of things have come crashing down and i wonder how i will be able to make it through in one piece. But guess i will survive :)

Lost my voice since ytd lolz, result of coughing too much :( But its good, silence on my side haha :D

"Time will tell.."

Will things ever be the same again? I wont look that far. For now, im just taking it one day at a time. Though it hurts me on hw distant we've become. How u cant even call me what u used to call me anymore or talk the way we used to. It feels like im one of the casual friend u talk to at work and when u go home, that person doesnt even cross your mind until u see them again tomoro. If u see them. It used to be, even though we're miles apart, we were always close in spirit but its not that anymore. I miss the time when u 1st left, coz we seemed closer then. I resent the fact that your work has made u angry and tired most of the time. But thats life, and how u choose to live it. U seem to be in a far away land and im just standing outside the window, looking in.

Im still hopeful, but wont expect much. Less expectations, less disappointments.

*Lots of Love* ♥

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Bad bad day for work D:

Was sneezing the whole morning which lead to coughing because i sneezed too much which lead to sore throat coz i was coughing too much :( In all, was tired the entire day, and body aches. Think my fever almost came back. Darn it.

Goin for dance class soon though, so might have to continue bloggin only after i come home from class. Shd i skip class today? Lol..

Yay me~! I didnt skip class :D Though was coughing alot in class D: But i made it haha :)

This is actually the longest time for me to finish a post continuing this at work :p Took muscle relaxation meds ytd and fell asleep in less than 10mins :O Cool~

So, work is extremely boring today. More like i have no mood to work at all. Throat is sore from coughing and sneezin thus cant really talk much too D: But i jz realised its hols on Friday! yay yay!! :X

Currently doing mundane work, and yes i shd finish it and get it over with but im irritated that im actually doing double work =.=

Im such a bad employee~ D:

Anyway, played audi ytd with new modes, C9..Dam no. 5 button confuses me like hell. Other than that, nothing much. New songs? New items?

As u can see, my post is very very random today. Coz basically i have practically NOTHING to blog about =/ Im seriously bored out of my wits....Kill me pls someone?

Actually thought of changing my blog layout ytd..but cant find one page ones. Dam lazy to click ard the tabs lol x.x So that shall be my new project :D

Lately been dreaming alot, day dreams. Thoughts keep filling my head and somehow i cant quite keep them out. Its like i know something bad is gonna happen. But i dont wanna waste my time waiting for it to come, so i move on with life.

I try to smile each day. Laugh even when im down. Pick myself up after every fall.

Its not what it used to be. Maybe i had a hand in making it this way. Maybe uve just gotten bored. I dont like the ways i used to make u pay attn to me, coz its mostly not the best way and we will only end up arguing. Yes, i do sit back and think why ur bored talking to me, esp when i dont imply anything until i get tired of sitting there waiting for ur replies. I wish u can see it.

U used to be able to tell me anything. Why is it now, a simple wat are u doing, makes u so agitated? Ur words are so cruel recently.

I wonder if i left would u notice? Maybe not :)

Monday, November 23, 2009

Was on sick leave today :(

Woke up with fever and body aches. Must be rain. Oh well...went to see doc and slept the day away. Havent slept so much in a very long time :) Though i still feel extremely tired.. hmmm..

Well its back to work tomoro though.. Alot of stuff still pending completion x.x Hopefully will be able to finish it up by end of the day. Im having headaches again now D:

Writers block........... shd really stop watching :x

Oh ya!! I just remembered. When i was in Hatyai, i actually found a Blythe shop!! Selling blythe dolls!! Omg omg *screams* They're so much cuter in real life...!!! And i saw alot of shops with little posters of blythes..thais do really love those dolls :)

Its almost 3...i shd really sleep earlier..

Came home to what i was fearing. Guess its fate, and i cant do much to stop it. Once im gone, im replaced. Whether im here or not, does not really matter anymore. I was just someone who was around :)

Im done talking, coz uve already set ur opinion on me. And whatever i have to say, will just be push aside and only irritate u. Now u understand why u said i always misunderstood u.

Forgiveness. Forgetting. Letting go.

I feel like giving up. Always trying to vie for ur attn. For a bit of ur time. When u didn't have the mood, i always tried to cheer u up, even though it hurt me when u kept silent but i knw, u were hurting inside. Ive been tryin to make amends, and move past the me u dislike. But u make it so hard..

A friend will assume ur ok. A good friend will know if u really are. Which one am i to u?

Sunday, November 22, 2009

Monday.....again.... D:

Just reached home not too long ago from my Hatyai trip :) Uber tired, exhausted, very de wet most of the times and sore feet..It was raining when we were there, heck it was raining 98% of the time. The other 2% is when we're asleep and dont knw whether it rained or not. Lol..

Getting slight headache and sneezing nonstop suddenly :( Think coz of the numerous time we were caught in the heavy downpour.

Brief summary of trip:~

Went with a bunch of ex colleagues frm Asia File and there were 12 of us. Rented a van and left Pg ard 7am. Long journey in a crampy x.x Reached Hatyai at abt 10plus. Rain rain. And i told them my ffs thai friends told me it was bad rain now. Nooo one believed me =.=

Anyway, checked in hotel, placed our bags and had buffet lunch at the hotel. Quite yummy stuff :) Then we were off shopping~ Walked ard the Central supermarkets and surrounding nooks and crannies. 1st time exploration lol.. Bought a bag there though..:D

Walked till abt 4plus and the van came to take us to the "Sleeping Buddha" temple and Floating market. Rain rain and more rain. Floating market was a disappointment, no boats ard coz the river water had risen too high :(

Went to have dinner at this Thai restaurant up in the hills. My brains exploded frm the tomyam and kensoms. Believe me, u will definitely lose ur senses :p

After that driver dropped us at Bus stop, a famous night market there. Alot of stuff to see and buy but one disadvantage. It rained! Again! Lol~ Still didnt stop my fellow shopaholics from splurging though..

Took tut tut back to hotel, bathed and came down again in search of massage parlours and supper :p Slept at about 1am after almost 18hrs of non stop moving x.x

Woke up ard 7.30am and got ready to go to the popular morning market :) Guess what? Yep, rained ~ Lol..wats new eh.. We were sort of gettin used to it now haha..Left hotel, got wet, and reached the market at abt 10. Man, this place was a maze. So many things, so little time x.x All of us got pots n pans which were extremely cheap. I got into it too :X Bought for mum :))

Walked ard somemore, bought dried stuff, cuttlefish, shredded pork, bla bla...Went back to hotel, broke, wet and tired...:p

Back to hotel, bathed, got ready to chk out and van came ard 3plus. Its a wonder we took such a short time to reach home since it was rainin like crazy here too.. i didnt sleep on the way back though..

Well, tats a short version of it. Alot of other screwed up things we did that 2 days haha..Will post pics and vid as soon as i can..Now need to get some rest, coz im feeling abit sick D:

Still Monday blues....but still, have a great week guys~!

Saturday, November 21, 2009

5 more hours before i leave for my one day trip to Hadyai~ :)

Juz woke up a cpl hours ago, and thought one more post before i go off.. im so addicted to bloggin again lol..

Woke up kinda emotional though...been feeling kinda down, coz of work and some problems at home..mum has been givin me the silent treatment for 2 days now...she jz spoke back to me again awhile ago. Maybe coz im goin off in

I just needed to talk to someone, and when u told me u weren't in the mood, i sort of lost it. just feeling that the world is out to get me..and im trying so hard to be happy all the time..regardless of what shit that comes to me..

Tears really welled in my eyes though, maybe out of frustration.. Sigh.

My insecurities are also playing their games with me...i always felt reluctant to leave, coz of what i might come back to, a different scenario. Dam them. Please help me get them out?

Are we still friends, like we used to be? I still think we are, what about u? Just cant help but feel the distance between us. I miss your laughter. Though i don't agree on how u view r/ships still gonna be here when u need me :)

"So what if it hurts me, So what if i break down,
So what if this world just throws me off the edge, my feet run out of ground,
I gotta find my place, I wanna hear my sound,
Dont care about other pain in front of me,
Cause im just trying to be happy, Just wanna be happy."

Friday, November 20, 2009

Maybe. Perhaps. Definitely.

Its Friday. Yet again :) Feeling kinda lethargic though. And indifferent. A part of me knws im doing the right thing, its something i need. But part of me is afraid of what i will come back to. Dilemma.

But i guess, there is no turning back and i shall have to go through it. If i do come back to what i have been dreading, guess i cant do much about it. It juz proves, i dont matter, not anymore. Sigh. Painful shit.

Im looking for the on/off button for caring, can someone tell me where it is?

The signs are all there. What else do i need to make myself understand? Its not the same, no matter what is said or done. For hell cares, if i shd even leave this god-forsaken land tomoro. Lol.. Ok being drastic. But then its kinda true when it comes to this.

Can money buy me love?

Thursday, November 19, 2009

Morning world @ 19th Nov~

Gosh, its almost the end of November. Soon it will be Xmas and 2010! I cant believe its been a year since i was in KL working. Boy i miss it, despite all the stress up, i still miss the ppl there :) Hopefully will be able to go back soon, for visit? Work? Haha maybe :D Still in planning ;)

Anyway 2 more days! Some time off frm life, frm work, frm the mundane world :p

Posting again from work, hahah wats new :D Just enjoying my freedom, whilst i still have it. I predict some busy times in a month or maybe a few weeks time D:

"Its ironic,
We ignore those who adore us,
Adore those who ignore us,
Loves who hurts us, and hurts those who love us."

Humans are weird that way. How we perceive love or what we perceive love to be. How we take for granted love that is given and seek out the ones that are non-existant. Call me old fashion, but i still believe it exists, love i mean. Yes, it sucks at times, but isnt that life? We make our choices, and when we choose to love someone, it has to be taken all in, good or bad. Nthg is good all the time, it might be in the beginning, flowers and sparks but as a r/s progresses there will highs and lows at some point but its how u face it that matters.

Lol, random thoughts? :)

Anyway, thoughts are trailing away due to PA talkin loudly on phone and drilling next door x.x so i guess its time to stop multitaskin and continue workin :P

Just want u to knw, im always here, whether u see me or not, its up to you :)

"Im adamant on being happy this time, no matter what"

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Finally got it! Pics of my new phone! Hehe ~ :D And here she is ...

Cool right? Hahaha...i knw im cool..cant help it :X

Anyway im glad i got it, and im slowly starting to get use to typing on it lol. Im still a slow sms typer though but no worries, ill soon be as fast as i used to be :p

Work was horrid ytd D: All the bosses and the office manager came back and it was hell-like :S Stressful and fk up environment again. Oh well, nothing lasts forever ne? Lol.. Think my new projects are on the verge on beginning d, so ill be more busy and crazier. Hopefully i dont go mad though coz one the projects is quite big scaled and ill be only staff handling it D: Hmmmm...

Shall not worry about that yet coz thinking about it makes me...:S

Im starting to really enjoy dance classes lol, i cant believe im actually into the 3rd month of going :) Well, im not gonna quit it this time, coz its really a stress reliever for me, and gets my mind of things :D Wish me luck, gogogo!! :p

Somehow, something feels different. Maybe its juz me, maybe its true, but i cant pinpoint it yet. Im glad uve let me in again, bt something feels amiss, maybe im jz paranoid. Maybe ur always this hyper or maybe ur stressed out :( I dont knw lol..But lub lub ya~ Though i dont really care anymore, i hope im not a means to get back at anyone :)

Oh well, back to work. Wanted to post last nite, bt fell asleep watching CSI lol~ :p


Tuesday, November 17, 2009


I got my phone! Yay!! :DDD In the end, went for E71 hahaha :D Told ya i was indecisive and fickle :X Anyway, thanks babe for the suggestion :)

No photos yet, coz i tried taking it with my old phone, bt i cant transfer it out..dam phone dying sooner than i thought. Wanted to use digital camera but bah, no batteries =.= Will post them tomoro~ Promise! :D

Went to my normal phone dealer guy, i bought my last 2 phones from them, so yea guess i like the service better and the prices are much more competitive...i think :p It was so funny, coz i sat there for the longest time, staring and thinking if i shd get it. I mean its a cool phone but the kb's are dam small, and i need to get use to it in time. So, ive become a slow sms typer D:

Was actually looking at e66, bt after getting bad feedback abt the batt, i was really turned off by it. But i still looked at it coz it was white :p My phone guy showed me his e66 and told me he hasnt had any problems with it, bt batt life was 2 days only...not cool. Called bro, called mum, discussed and i got it! Lol...dont ask me why i consult my family b4 i purchase anything. I jz do it to please them ..:S

Conclusion, cool phone bt need a lot of getting used to. Kb are like our pc kb's which im nt used to yet, and alot of functions tat i need to explore. Downside to the learning part? My manual is in chinese, Taiwan export. Hmmmmm... time to google n shake :p

Work was busy today, bt office manager nt ard (yay!) so i jz did my work, which is neverending and snuck in Fb when i had a chance lol..having a sudden headache now, maybe coz i ran under the rain..Shd go to bed now, coz eyes are not really opening n feels like migraines again x.x

Anyway, hope its a wonderful Tuesday for u guys tomoro~! ♥

Sunday, November 15, 2009

As promised my second post fr Sunday! Kkthxbye! :X post..well, didnt get my phone get D: coz in the end waited fr mum to come home and she came back late. Reason = no one to look after the dog =.= I knw its ridiculous, so dont ask. Anyway, was abit undecided by the time they did come back, so shall try to google some and get it tomoro after work...i hope!

Me wan new phone! TT^TT


*calms myself down* Its only Monday, cant be that bad....:X

Lol..everyone will be back at the office today >_> Last Saturday, i had the office all to myself, it was so cool! :DD I was able to work without those ppl buzzing all ard me. So dam annoying.

Hopefully tomoro will be a good day at work, dont wan to have a bad start to the week D: Ima having tingling senses though...hmmm *ignores ignores*

Anyway, gonna turn in early i can face the new week feeling refreshed! :D

Have a great week guys! ♥
Taking my life step by step, day by day :)

Its the weekends! And though i havent rested as much as i should, im happy :) and though i did ppk some friends ytd :X they wanted to go karaoke to celebrate an early bday but i wasnt in the going out mood D: Rain leh! I was plannin to sleep...they're so gonna kill me TT^TT

Life is fragile, relationships are fragile, but its how we deal with it that matters. Im glad its turned out ok, but im learning not to expect too much thus less disappointment. I shall not dwell on this any further, coz its time to forgive n forget. No matter who was wrong, i apologize, coz i truly treasure tis relationship.Time will repair all the hurt that was felt by us. Time to smile again, ok? :)

Oh ya, went to Joy's wedding party ytd, such a cool new mode >< New wedding song which rocks more than the old one -.- and the layout so cool D: Haha, will post photos when i come back frm my phone shopping.

YES! Im gonna get my new phone today. I was actually using my bro's 5800, hmmmmm..why did i decide to change ar? Hiao? :p Anyway he sold the old phone ler, so i have NO choice bt to get a new one >< I might end up getting a new 5800 :O *slaps*'

Im so so so excited! Havent had a new phone in 2 years! *gasp* :p No matter what im gonna get one today, and mum is being super supportive this time, thanks mum! :D

Ok la, time for lunch..will have another post later :)) Double post for Sunday! :D

Supertighthugss and lots of love ♥

Friday, November 13, 2009

Its Friday time really flies.

It seems like ytd when u walked away, but its not. The feeling is still very fresh in my heart and on my mind. Friends keep telling me to move on, dont look back. Easier said then done eh? I knw u guys want the best fr me, but this is something which i have face on my own.

I need to be who i was before. I need to be strong again.

Anyway, had my check up ytd, waiting fr results in a day or two. But i guess i shd be allright. I wont die so soon lol~ Suffer yes, die no.

So muchie optimism on my side :p Anyway, life is fragile, im livin each day as it was my last. Telling the ppl that i care hw much they mean to me. So even if i were to leave this earth one day, i shall not have regrets and the ppl ard me will knw hw much i loved them :)

I wanna get my new phone!! Rawr~ waiting fr my bro to get it for me coz his friend has a phone shop and he sells them to him slightly lower than market price :D
Work is cool today, one of the old ladies on leave :p i was alone in the office this morning, it was my world :p but i still worked la..jz under not so stressed out conditions. Lookin looking fr new job~ lalalala~

Been having bad dreams again D: This morning woke up to a dream where u told me, "ive broke it" Hmmmmm...might be losing my marbles soon D:

My pc is cool! New windows 7, but problem is, my ram cant really support it, hence the need fr more ram! Grrrrr.. next month ba..

What else..oh! One more week! Im goin away in less than a week time! Weet! Looking forward to it really :DD Couldnt have came at a better time ;)

Dam it, im really sleepy now.. looking at the clock n counting the time to go home :p

Back to work~ happy fly-day guys ;)

Thursday, November 12, 2009

The single thread that was left, the only connection was taken away from me today.

I shd feel nothing, coz i shd have expected it. Its still hard to take, coz im only human. And it still hurts. The fact that u have actually really let go of this friendship.

Im off today, goin out soon fr a checkup, so jz a short post b4 that. Mind is currently blank, coz it seems to be quite clear that u want to have nothing more to do with me. The only thing that i have as a reminder of what we were was taken away by you today. The only privileage i ever had is no more :)

I dono what your "trying" as i saw on ur bl, but if u intend to break this tie, i hope u will just be honest to me now. I dont think i can take anymore silence and denials.

My pc came back with new HD and for awhile when i was taking it back home, i suddenly realised alot of my audi pics might be gone. Then i thought, maybe its fr the best that i dont look at the past anymore. Anyway, its still there, they managed to salvage it. Unlike this relationship that we have had for as long as ive had those pics.

But despite all the pain and hurt, despite the words and actions that were done, ull always n forever be in my heart *loves*

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Another day, another week, another month, another year.

And another post :)

Life has been pretty much dull recently. Still having sickening feeling after every meal =/ Checkup is due tomoro D: Guess ill be ok, keeping a positive mind on things :)

Work is dull and so full of shit. I hate office politics, esp when there's only a few of us in the office. Its so uncalled for and uneccessary =.= And even the boss does it, wtf. Thinking of changing I dont want to, but i have a knack fr choosing the worst possible employers. Hmmmm....

Well, shall start searching..:p

Currently posting this at work, coz will nt be online as much at home. Lol..i do try ok =.= staying away frm everything which reminds me of what has become :) Guess in my quest to find true friends, friends that stand by no matter wat shit u give them, i have to first find myself.

Oh ya, pc has been given a new lease on life, since it had cardiac arrest a few days ago. Im hoping this time it will last, considering im using my extra cash to have it done up..And oh yes, getting new phone soon! Weee~~! Not an iphone im happy with anything i can get :)

No more sad posts frm me anymore, coz there's nthg to be sad about anymore. I dont wish to be angry or sad for ppl who will not care if i did :)

Finally, my emancipation.

Sunday, November 8, 2009

They say, when life gives u lemons, make lemonade. What they nvr told u was, wat if life hands u a bad lemon, what do u do with it? Throw it out? Or try to make good use of it? I would nvr throw it out.

I dont think ive ever felt this sad or hurt before. The words u said kept repeating in my head. The cruel and cold words u used on me. It tore me apart, even more with ur silence. Ive never deserted u when i had my friends, coz u were always part of my circle.

Im sorry for being too strong on you, this much i can do. But i didnt deserve all those things u said. I guess in my attempt to hold on, ive made u go further away frm me. So now, ive become the bad person in ur life and the other has become the better person.

I guess there's nothing much i can do anymore. Ive been told to let go. I guess thats the only thing i can do.

It will not be easy, and hurts as hell. But i respect ur choices.

I hope there will be sun after the rain.. :)

Saturday, November 7, 2009

Im scared.
Ive nvr been this scared or sad and alone before.
Who can i tell about this?
Few more days and ill have to face it, the cold hard facts.
Will i be ok? Will i get through this?
Past weeks it has been ringin in my mind that something was not right.
Constant migraines, constant nausea.
Maybe its best the ppl i care about leave, that way i dont hurt them as much.
I feel like crying, but i cant.

God, please help me be strong.

Friday, November 6, 2009

Sometimes, the only way to be happy, is to let go.
No matter how much it hurts..

Im emo, yes.
But dont reprimand me and use that against me as a reason to hurt me.
I am who i am.
Not when u ask me to not do it to you.
True friends will stick by u, despite all that.

Thursday, November 5, 2009


Having bad migraines these cpl of days. And it doesnt help when ur colleagues are each others throats. So tiring being in between. Just felt like shouting to them, and get them to shut the fuck up. Sigh.

Going into depression soon. Been feeling sick and no appetite at all. It reminds me of when i was in KL where i didnt eat fr days. Been throwing up food again =/

Update at office:
New staff started work on Monday. Well actually old staff which came and coincedently is the boss'es sister. Duh. Another old lady in the office =.= And ytd she calls fr a meeting and wants to do housekeeping ard the office. Ahhhh...

Then tis morning, we started. She did it halfway and had a nosebleeding session =.="" I ended up doing most of the work while she sat at her table, dazed. Blah. The ppl i have to put up with. Now im so freaking tired and migraine jz got worse.

I jus feel like sleeping and nvr ever waking up from this nightmare. But its been nightmares that has been keeping me up.

So, current status? Extremely tired, depressed, no appetite, and bad headaches to boost to all that.

Im sorry i bothered u. Im sorry i worried uneccesarily. Im sorry for breaking my own promise and contacted u when i said i wont. Im sorry for being weak and did when u didnt need me to.

I hope i wont do it again.

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

Another day ending. Another chapter of tales of disappointment.

Busy day at work, yet it felt as though i was floating through air the entire day. Unresponsive and worn down. U nvr cease to amaze me on how u can hurt my feelings :)

The cold hard fact is, u nvr really treated me anything more than a "sub" friend. Whenever there was nobody to cater to ur whims, i was the one u looked for. Whenever there was nobody to listen to ur tales of sadness at work, or at home, i was the one u looked for. If u had, i would be non existent.

Its ok.

Ive learnt that in life, nothing is ever fair. Life is nvr fair. But i would expected more respect frm u. U were nvr the friend when i needed one. Telling me u were busy with work, but that was nvr mostly the case was it? U had time fr ur extra social lifestyle. But not fr someone u claimed was an important friend. Since when were u ever there hun?

I laugh at my stupidity over n over again. I laugh at my soft-heartedness over n over again.

I am done talking, done crying, done feeling hurt, done pleading u to listen, done trying to be ur friend, and im done with you.

Goodbye ♥

Sunday, November 1, 2009

"Trust - its the easiest thing to lose and the hardest thing to get back" - R.Williams

Such a simple 5 letter word but so important and yet people take it ever so lightly.. Its like a broken glass, u can piece it back together but it will nvr be the same glass. It saddens me that i might nvr trust a person the same again.

I remember like it was ytd, hw i let go a 3yr friendship because in the end i realised i was nothing much in her life. I doubt she ever thought of me as a close friend. Anytime she needed anyone, i was the 1st to be there. But in the end, she betrayed my trust and did things behind my back that made me realise i could nvr forgive her, not anymore. I have forgiven her though, bt she is not part of my life anymore.

I have a sickening feeling the whole day :( Part of me feels, i cant be nvr be sure of anything anymore, part of me says, try.. But i have, so many times..time n time again i end up feeling sad.. What shd i do?

Well its Monday again.. another passed yet again and i seem to have nothing much but lay in bed and finding stuff to do or watch to keep my mind frm thinking too much =\

Back to work guys~ Hope u all have a great week ahead ~