..and an emo'ing new year~ {Post-XMas, Pre-NY}

Nothing much to tell.. lonely celebrations as usual..

Not lonely as in alone..but even when im surrounded by ppl..i still alone..

Been in Penang since Wed and all ive been doin is sleep, watch tv, play audi n sleep somemore..

Hmmm..i shd stop complaining =3

Oh ya..Sat was eventful..hahaz..Went to a bbq/steamboat thingy at nite with some ex colls..

It was fun..i guess..lost touch with alot of stuff since i left for kl..alot of stuff i couldnt really relate to..

So, that was wat i meant by feeling alone even when i have frens ard me..

Neways, it was good to be out there with ppl..in a way :)

Sunday ~ slept in

Monday ~ lazed ard

Tuesday? Beats me..lolz..

I knw wat im craving for though :p

Will be here till Sunday..time sure flies when ur havin fun =x

Im sure im gonna have a crappy n emo new year..

Unless by s-o-m-e miracle some wonderful happens...

Which i seriously doubt ._.

Dont matter, im happy im back home :)

Will be happier when i get...

Okies..time to watch more supernatural..=x

Enjoy ur New Years guys~

Truly, sincerely and erm..just enjoy la..xD

Not everything..

..is about you.

Ur not the only one who's sad,

Ur not the only one who wants to be happy,

Ur not the only one who feels depressed.

When u finally realise this and when u finally start to listen,

Then i will talk again.

._.

Wth la...i kena tagged for these ._.

Tagged by..Ivan Tan..u good la..make me use my brain =x

1. who is more important to you?

#MY MUM! she rocks man..xD

2.how often do you think of committing suicide?

#erm..many times this year..then a fren did it and it changed my life :(

3. do you think you have enough confidence?

#hmmm...full blast when im at work..not really so in life..=x

4. how many babies do you want?

#OMG! do you knw how painful it is?? do you? do you??? Mothers rule! for now..1?

5. do you believe in seeing the rainbow after the rain?

#i always wanted to think so..but..i like the rain! =x

6.what is your goal for this year?

#this year? 2008? wanted to earn lotsa n lotsa $$..if 2009? still earn lotsa lotsa $$ :P

7.do you believe in eternity love?

#hmm..ima hopeless romantic, but no i dont think it exists..maybe only to me ._.

8.whats a perfect girlfriend/boyfriend like to u? (List 5)

#listens, makes me smile, knws when im down, be there when i need him n is my bestest fren :)

9.list 3 characteristics of ur best friend

#lame (in a gud way:p), spontaneous and an idiot =x

10.what is ur bad habit?

#i think too much..and i mean alot! hee...

11.what is your opinion with distance relationship?

#dont think it shd happen bt if it does? trust plays alot..

12.what does flying mean to you?

#crash boom bang'ing? :P

13.what do you crave for the most recently?

#alot leh...most? hmm..attention..n lovin :(

14.Are you single/relationship?

#hurhur...single lor..^^

15.describe the person who tagged u in 7 words.

#ur so gonna get it! roflmao..kidding la..hmm..lame:p but in a funny way and cute(don explode pls ._.)

16.what have you done to yourself to make yourself happy?

#OMFG! i spend! =xx thats why needs number 6....alot!

17.what will u become in another 10 years to come?

#eee..i don think so far de..i believe in livin the day as it come..i think..dono la=x...NEXT!

18.where are your desired destinations?

#i don mind whr it is..as long as its with the person i care the most...awwww=x

19.do you play Gunbound?

#seriously stupid qn..wat are the chances of ppl sayin yes? erm..used to :S

20.(Mag's secret question..) have you cried recently?

#yes...:(

Tagged: ange, cheryl n yilin...:p (enjoy guys...^^)

Instructions:

Remove one question from the above and add in your personal question.

Make a total of 20 questions and tag 3 ppl..

List them out at the end of the post.

Notify them in their cbox that they have been tagged.

Whoever does the tag will have blessings.

Untitled..

"How can you see into my eyes like open doors

Leading you down into my core

Where I’ve become so numb without a soul my spirit sleeping somewhere cold

Until you find it there and lead it back home

Wake me up inside(I can’t wake up)

Wake me up inside(Save me)

Call my name and save me from the dark(Wake me up)

Bid my blood to run(I can’t wake up)

before I come undone(Save me)

Save me from the nothing I’ve become

You can't just leave me

Breathe into me and make me real

Frozen inside without your touch without your love

Darling only you are the life among the dead

all this time I can't believe I couldn't see

kept in the dark but you were there in front of me

I’ve been sleeping a thousand years it seems

got to open my eyes to everything

Without a thought without a voice without a soul

Don't let me die here

There must be something more

I’ve been living a lie, there’s nothing inside (Bring me to life)"

I wonder who shall save me..

Anyway this will be my last post for the year.. after this i will not be ard for awhile..

Too many things have happened in my life for the past 2 week..

Some, more than i can actually handle..im losing grip on my life..

I dont blame anyone..even ppl who said they would be there for me..

Coz i knw in the end its all up to me :) (or at least im trying to tell myself..)

Sleepless nights and endless staring out my 4 walled box windows...

Im afraid..for the 1st time in my life..i admit it..

Sorry guys fr cancellin my trip to sg..bt i really tried..

too many arguements...too many problems.. too many things happening..

I'll try to make it on Chinese new year..but no promises..not till i sort out my problems..

Sry pea..for not attending ur wedding...i wish all the happiness to u and ur hubby kays?

If i do come on CNY, we must meet ya? Hope u wont be angry with me..

..and tazz, mich, ange and bass too :(

Sigh..

I wont be able to say this when it comes, so shall do it now..

Hope u guys have a VERY MERRY X'MAS AND A BLASTING NEW YEAR!

Dont miss me when im gone..life goes on..with or without me :)

Lotsa luv <3's~

_____________________________

"..i cant pretend that this tears arent overflowing steadily,

i cant prevent this hurt from almost overtaking me,

but i will stand to say goodbye

for you'd never be mine

until you know the way it feels to fly.."

Another update on my life...

Actually intended to blog ytd.. but i opened the page from 10pm to this morning

and still it was empty...juz like me..

I knw, i knw..emo posts are not meant to be put here..so will not continue...

The week actually went on quite uneventfully..but here it is anyway :)

Wednesday

Wanted to look for dinner dress, but mood swings and rain made me go str8 home..lol

Other than that...work was as usual..

was supposed to have last rehearsal for xmas party performance..but was postponed..

Thursday

Dinner dress!! need to get today le!! omg =x

went after rehearsals after work which was almost 8.30 liao ...dam i hate shopping x.x

why do i do this to myself? must stress myself out de always lol..

hey! don judge me...thats for me to do nia :p

S0 went to KLCC and see...wtf the ppl? ._.

Saw a few that i liked but STILL i nvr get..omg la me..pls slap me..no time still wanna choose..

LOL! DON CARE =X

The fuckin trip back hm was longer than my stay in KLCC >.> bah..

Dam legs like not connected to body liao..

Still have to tomoro........erks!

Friday!!!

OMGOMG! panic liao =x

Went out during lunch and guess wat? gt a dress from a place i tried in sg wang earlier in less than 30 mins! LOL!! i was like walao lo..no time liao..keng or not? :p

And they all said the dress so nice...and shocked when i told them hw long i took to get it..lmao

But then..pls..don be like me...im very experienced and pro d =x

Actually at the end..boss let us off at 4pm..could have gotten it then also x.x

Party Nite!!

Gt ready, me and 3 other gals actually booked a room in Parkroyal (whr the party thing was)

so that we didnt have to worry abt getting back.. and also could change and stuff..

Room was like omg de nice lor..esp the bed =x

Finally went down at 7.30...cocktails started at 6 liao lo...but wat to do...need time ma..haha..

supposed to have sound check bt dono wat happen..nvr did..

had briefing during the lucky draw and they told my name was picked for trip for 2 to Bangkok de!!

WTH!! they chose other ppl coz i was not there T^T...sadded la..

Had a one rd of dinner (buffet lor) then did the performance..ppl were shocked and shouting lmao..

after that they came to me and said didnt knw i could all those singing and dancing stuff..

hahaha! yeah..my show nt free k? :p

then forgot abt dinner and drank the nite away..dancing, booze and alot of erm..other "shows"

Ppl at marcus evans work like mad and party madder!

Anyway didnt even get drunk..but my frens were lol..so left at 1am (end d anyway lol)

and slept x.x wahahah..we all tot can talk till morning..bt all drunk liao..sleep lor..

Saturday~

Slept in...so nice.. and checked out at abt 12...reached hm abt 1pm..ate lunch...

quickly did my laundry and SLEEP MORE!

Sunday...

Is almost gone...been raining the whole day..is it cryin with me?

somehow i feel...so on the edge..so pressured..coz of work, coz of family..coz of me..

i want to hide under my shell again...and not think...when i always think i will get through it..

somethin else brings me down..

Will i ever be able to feel happy..i mean truly happy for more than one day?

_____________________

"when u get caught in the rain,with no where to
run, when ur distraught and in pain without
anyone..when u keep crying out to be saved.."

Back in KL...Home sweet home? =x

3 days past so fast... i remember Friday nia then suddenly Monday d..

Time well spent..sleeping most of the time lol..

Sis said felt like i wasnt there =x

Wth!! I got do stuff with u guys lor! Juz dont ask me wat...i don remember.....=x

Well at least i didnt have to take bus back..took flight! heee...

Ok..don jump to conclusions ya..im nt rich..took firefly back..

No no not the insect x.x... the new carrier lolz..

And as my brother put it when i asked him hw its liked

"Its feels like ur a movie star"

Doink...small plane la he means zzz..cozy =x

But bladi noisy..like taking those fighter planes.. lmao!

Anyway.. reached 9pm.. cab'ed to Lrt station and begin my ard 20plus stops of train ride..

One end to the other ya...almost 1hr .. fell asleep during the journey x.x

In all? Flight from Pg to KL - 1hr, Cab and train ride to hm - 1hr plus, the exp? Priceless ._.

Reached hm tired, back pain, neck pain, stomach pain...*grumble grumble*

Will not talk abt work coz, well, erm.. nothing to talk abt?

Fk! i don have a dinner dress for company dinner yet..die die die!

Worry abt it tomoro...cant do much now..wahahaha=x

Im really quite fked =x

Xmas come soon!!!

Argh!!!! x.x

Cant do much abt it so..

Have a greatttt week guyss!!!

BAH!

Been having diarrhoea d whole morning ._.

Dono wat i ate.. but am pissed

Sorry fr those who have been calling and not gettin me.

Was busy.. in de toilet

'Nuff said >.>

What happened this week? :)

Well...finally im awake enuf to blog x.x..

Slept the entire day d actually =x

Bleh...

Anyway a summary of ma week^^

Sunday

No electricity! wth...

Hot hot hot..temperatures rising and mine also..

The better part of Wangsa Maju was screwed...lolzz..

Monday

Finally after Sun's hot weather.. i had fever x.x

Couldnt even get out of bed and had to take mc :(

Slept of the day..well tried..

Tuesday

Uneventful, stressful, crapful..lolz.

Wat else is new..

Oh still no pressie from my SS T^T..

And my recipient had resign, so new person to send my gifts to..

And when i wanted to take back the old one de..someone stole it!

WTH! CHEAPO!

Nvm..season of forgiving =x

Also alot of rehearsals for Xmas party..im involved in a skit..

Doinks.

Wednesday

As uneventful as Tues..

Still no pressie from SS...

Someone told me, don hope and it will come..

Yah....right! =x

Rain, and more rehearsals...

And gettin irritated calling hongkies..zzz

Realised i needed a hobby.. so went hunting for Brick bears..lol

Its true that when u are lookin for something u can nvr find it. x.x

Found it last min when i was almost givin up :)

Then saw another monkey collectibles..dilemma..

Monkey = cutesy cute

Bear = sickening cute

Guess which one i chose? LOL!

I like to be different and ima sick sick girl :(

Here it is..

So guys...knw what to gt for my xmas pressie d? *bhb* but don care =x

Then *imagines ppl closing blog* T^T again...

Thursday

Boss on mc...so slacked abit..

Still i was true to my KPI's and did my job :)

SS finally came true le! Woots!

I think they knw today last day and we can complain liao.

LOL!

Frens asked me not to be so negative.....BUT I KNW ITS TRUE HOR!

Newayss..tis is wat i gt..

Ferrero rocher was friday de...and another choco bar was on Thurs de..ate d =x
Hehe =3
And this is wat i gt as a SS..

Cute rite? :P

Friday!

Half day today! Did all my work quickly coz i had to leave sharp..

Fren waiting for me and i had to take the monorail and the train to her place..

Public transportatin fuggin with me ! zzz!!!

Heng i nvr gt lost..hurhur xD

Reached Penang still gt sun wor..lmao! Thanks woman for driving decently =3

Ate dinner with family :) and studied abit..early exam on Sat x.x

Sat..

Took exam..easy =x and came home and slept the entire day x.x

So sleepy wakao.. now in a daze and don get why my audi doesnt work..

RAWR!

And vara...neh u.. i dono..tomoro i nt free liao..gt other appointment..bleh..

Ok, tired d...zomg almost 1 and 1/2 hrs posting this..

Waiting for food and wondering wat to do next...

Hmmm..

Cheers and have a great weekend peeps!

I...

want so much to blog...so many things to talk abt..

but im so tired...everytime i opened it up..im at lost for words..

my mind is blank..

even tonite..

maybe i shall do it tomorrow..

Goodnite..

~.~.~.~

..my heart cant possibly break

when it wasnt even whole to start with....

T_T

MY SECRET SANTA IS A MEANIE!! :(((

Ok, b4 u ask wat the hell is a secret santa..let me tell u..

My company has this annual thing they do...everyone in office gets to pick

a name and for 2 weeks until the company xmas dinner,

we are to get gifts and be the best secret santa (ss) possible..

We wont knw who tat person is until the dinner and if they did a

good job, we're supposed to get them something too :)

But bad santas will be punished..lol..

Today was the 1st day of gift giving..i did my duty ady..

but but but...

Waaaaaa.....i didnt get :(

Ok la..im over abit la :P..but i wan ma :(

Blek...we'll see on Monday ba ^^

Anyway was bored, so went audi abit again lol...

Manatau..play play until 2 le x.x

Oh well..moving on..

The week was stressful as usual..

my new event has me calling hongkies which are almost impossible to get

but hongkie directors? Absurdly difficult! Doink.

But i will wont falter...i will bitch abt it though :P

*Pray pray* that i will get something soon :)

Still alot of stuff on my mind...everytime mum calls sure gt something de..

My head hurts..so bad..

Never..

regret ur choices made...coz its urs..

Though some were made on the spur of the moment..

its nvr wrong to follow ur heart

how silly they may seem to be at the time..

i dont regret mine, work or life or frens..

they had some happiness in them..

juz sad that it didnt last...again :)

...

For the past 2 days during the weekend,
Ive been feeling down and depressed..about work
and why i cant seem to make it..
First of all, my 3 month probation was coming to an end.. in abt 3 weeks and
it seemed hopeless and i really could not come to terms that i was failing..

Then ytd morning, as i was walking to work...it suddenly hit me..
A revelation? lol..

Anyway..ive accepted the fact..whatever fact that may be..

But im proud of myself for being able to do it.. alone.

And ive done all that could have been possibly done..

The only sad thing is that i was nt rewarded for my hard work..

But then, that's life.

All i can say is that im embracing whatever shit that comes my way..

There is only so much i can do, and im wont be ashamed to say it..

But i was a hard worker.. :)

So whatever that might happen, i wont feel sad abt it, coz ive done my very best^^

Gt my new event ytd, and normally i would hope that this would be my big break..

but i wont expect as much and juz do what im supposed to do and only hope

for the best :)

Wish me luck ya?

Anyway drowned my self in audi over the weekend, even on Sunday -.-

Npc'ed till even my noob acc is rich lol..

Last nite, audied awhile also.. helped ivan with 2 of his stories :)

Jy to gold ya^^

Well am at work now...was supposed to blog last nite..

opened the page and fell asleep >.>

yeah, dead tired...gt irritated with someone, also with my lappy..

and ended sleeping and waking up at 1plus to bath ._.

Oh well, got to go work now..

Have a great week peeps!

Hmm..

Ive opened my "New Post" in Blogger so many times, and everytime i end up not posting

anything..juz coz i dono wat to say anymore..

This has been the longest period that i have nt had the energy to talk abt whats

goin on in my life anymore..

Even as of now.. i still dono wat i shd be writing here.. but here goes..

Its Sunday, last day of my so called weekend..

Days were spent in bed, with my only 2 companions,

My lappy (if it didnt hung so much..really goin to upgrade..tomoro!) and

my purpur PSP :) been playin alot of Dj Max lol..

Guess it was coz i have been playin alot of BU in audi..

Well, its raining..always rains when i feel like goin out to cc..its a sign maybe?

Crap -.-

Life has been, well work has been..a heavy load on me :(

Mentally mostly...getting depressed every day..and at the end of the day..

I drag myself home..

On Friday, i did the unthinkable after so long...i smoked 3 ciggs in less than 2 hrs..

Sigh...

With my current health condition, its like begging fr death..

And the worse part is?

I cant let go..i refuse to believe that i am so unlucky, that i cant do it..

Maybe that will be my fall in the end..

Stubborness.

Im angry with alot of ppl.

Always angry and disappointed..at myself.

And the ppl who are suppose to care and listen.. are nvr there..

Im... speechless.

The thin fine line between..

emo'ing and real depression..

I knw alot of u out there think im juz emo'ing again..but believe me.. it was not..

When i made that post.. i was really depressed..

There is a difference between the 2..

Coz the depression was really...more like hopelessness on me..

I knw u might nvr get..coz ur nt me...but its ok :)

Happy buttons are not actually back yet but trying to get there..

At least on Fri i found out i was gonna be transferred to another manager..

Which im hoping will be better for me..

The previous one was..ermm..shall not talk abt it anymore..

I mean she was nice and good to me..but dam kiasu..and nvr looked after her staff..

Sigh..let that be that..

I don like being controlled at work.. i mean..to some point its juz ridiculous..

and i feel trapped..kpi's and faxes out a day..sure they're there for a reason..

but at the end of the day..it doesnt matter whether u made 300 calls or 150 calls out..

It juz takes that one person..and Luck.

I always believe sales is abt luck..other stuff are juz crap.Seriously.

Although it may seem that i dont give a damn abt anything..

I really actually am very competitive..of myself..

I push myself everyday...in every single thing that i do..

and i want to be better than the last..i stress myself out..so that i keep moving..

Its not healthy i knw..but i do it alot..esp at work..

Thats why im here where i am now..Lost.

My saturday was spent..in bed the whole day..slept at 10pm the night before..

and well didnt wake up till the next morning..lolz

Havent slept so long in awhile..was so tired x.x

Actually left my cave at 9.30pm! coz i was hungry and been eatin junk for the whole day

._.

Well at least, by keeping to myself these 2 days..ive thought alot..

And also realised somethings..and seen others in a diff perspective..

And i also know nw who matters and who doesnt :)

Well, whoever u are..don make me emo again!

or i will definitely keep to myself longer this time.. ISK!

Sorry guys..

..but will stop ths blog for the time being..

I have reached my lowest point for the 1st time in life today..

I have nvr been so discouraged, emotionally wrecked, mentally tired before..

and alot of other emotions which are like a storm inside of me..

A feeling that i have let everyone down is so clear in my head..

And though i may seem nonchalant abt stuff, i feel that i let myself down the most.

There was one point when i was standing on the balcony of my 21st flr office..

and i remember looking down and thinking..how far is down?

And until (as a fren put it) my happy buttons back, i shall not return.

Also during this time, i shall be unreachable.

Not on audi, not on msn, no sms'es except to my family..and i mean everyone..

I have learned to accept the fact that by nt expecting anything, i will not get hurt.

Not in work..not in life. Nothing.

Therefore i do not need sympathy nor concern,

I don need to talk coz talking is overated nor do i want to listen.

Until i am able to get out of my depression, i will not return.

Sorry for not being a good fren to u guys and take care :)

YAY!

At first it was Gold...

And then......Jeng jeng jeng..:P

Hahaha...yeng bo? ^^

All thanks to my zhu :P! After i did like 5 of the stories for red..he completed it

for me le...so sweet :)

I knw its a lot of work lor..thats why sayang u so much x3333!

So bling wor...hehe..

<3's~!!

Something to think about...

Early ytd morning, my mum suddenly called me..while i was standing in the lrt..dazing away..

Was surprised and abit worried coz she doesnt normally call so early..

Actually she juz went to bed i think ._.

Anyway, she was worried...coz i din answer the phone the nite b4..

*Sorry mum..fell asleep x.x*

Apparently my bro's shop was robbed, set on fire and worse part is..

Someone was murdered...it was my bro's boss' brother..They said they heard

him screamin for help inside the house :(

Those of u who live in M'sia, esp in Penang would have heard abt it.

Its scary to actually be someone you knw..

Someone u've met..though only a few times..

And it was a Sunday, normally my bro would go to the shop..

But tis time he was busy with his PS3 that he forgot to..

He actually mentioned it to mum...

What would happened if he had gone?

What did happen?

Apparently, someone broke in, stole the luxury cars and burnt him alive..
And i asked my mum..was he the kind who would get into trouble?
He was the nice kind, a manager from a local factory who resigned to help

his brother with his car business..the kind ppl liked and helped
out.. Did someone do this to get back at the bro?

Why would anyone harm him?

I doubt when they woke up that day..to think that this would happen..

A life altering moment...There will nvr be the answer to this incident, juz alot of "what if's" ...I thank god my brother is safe bt i feel sad fr the family who faced it..

As i always say..life is so unpredictable..one min ur laughing..the other cryin so hard..

Dont take anyone u love for granted..ever..u might nvr knw when u will lose them..

To the Lim Family : I pray that the ppl who did this will suffer as u have, if not more..i hope they pay for their actions..My condolences to you and God be with you so that u will be strong in this dark time.

ARGH!

Kenot pass my dam license!

^%%##&&(*#

Always so near le....

Then the dota players all start shouting..

Gah!

Dont believe i cant pass!

Sleep better ._.

Bla!

=)

Saturday was spent sleeping, sleeping, watching dvd, sleeping, and erm..

Sleeping? Lolz..

Come to think of it..i cant seem to remember wat i did..Wait lemme think..

Hmm..yeah..slept :S

Did laundry, cleaned my room, and watch dvd..

Oh..had to walk under the hot sun to get something from fren ;x

Dam hot day ytd @_@

Finally went out to cc at abt 8plus...wanted to get my gold lor..

And somemore managed to get ppl to help me :)

And guess wat? I GOT IT! Woots! xDDD

So happy sia ytd..

Thanks to these ppl lor :

My hani who else lol, she was using alu's acc to help me

AHP lolzz..who would have guessed that kuku would help =x

And bassy who purposely reinstalled audi juz to help me...even when i din ask..

So gan tong !! <33

And a Baka lol..who came in to see see nia but end up helping :S

First few rds were saddening..we chained but nt together ._.

Then Ahp wanted to try, so let him do lor..

He managed to get 3 done for me..

Haha..but i was already warmed up..and when using my low lvl acc..

I did this..

I did a x13 combo LOL! Ahp say i took his 1st place :( say i shd play bek :P (Re-edit..coz ahp say he nvr complain :( ... he happily gave me the 1st place xP! RELAX LAH!)

Anyway he had to leave le..and he apologise fr nt being able to help much..so sweet...He did alot liao lor :)

Also poor bass..whose comp died after installin audi :S.. When i come sg i belanja u k?

And nt gam jia zui lol :P

Am happy that i gt what i wanted to get ytd..and will continue to get the next..Well until i get stuck tat is lolz.. wanted to post my gold but my blogger givin me problems ._.

Cheers and have a fun week ahead!

Ermm...

Well..its the weekends. Finally lolz..

But time certainly does move fast..

Havent been audi'ing since sunday fr a few reasons..

1. Stupid cc kenot patch

2. Too tired from work

3. Don like playin alone (u knw who u are -.-)

Well, finally went in on thurs..

Nothing much, oh ya..there was this clubber who won me in beat rush

(107bpm song k plus the fact that i cant BR?)

And said "Yay i won master!"

I said " Good for you man :)"

And then suddenly 131 bpm song came and i pawned his ass?

He said " Aww lost to master" and left -.-"

Am i suppose to say "Good to me?" Lolzz

Aaannywayssss....

Played till almost 3am last nite..crazy huh.

Had to much on my mind..had to destress..and still sick to top it off..

Plan to get my gold e1 tonite..if i can find the ppl..hopefully..

Then can quit d.lol..

And babe, playin audi doesnt make me happy..its who i play with that does..

Its always been like that and will stay like tat, got it?

Don have much to blog abt.. or rather no happy stuff to blog abt..

Work has been really down this week..

Getting demotivated sigh..

So, wont be posting here for the time being..

or until my happy happy thoughts come back..

Will be bloggin emo stuff thats been bugging me :)

Cheers peeps and have a great weekend!

<3s~

To: Ange-Mei~

Dont worry abt me..

I will take care of myself =)

As you said..i dono why i cant seem to eat or enjoy food as i used to..

I know im hungry and yet when faced with food, i juz feel sick x.x

Its becoming harder and harder for me to finish my food..

And even if i forced myself to finish it..i regret it when i get home..

Coz the pain is unbearable..

Food use to be my outlet to release stress..

Now its my cause...

Because of You - Kelly Clarkson

I will not make the same mistakes that you did

I will not let myself cause my heart so much misery

I will not break the way you did

You fell so hard

I've learned the hard way, to never let it get that far

Because of you I never stray too far from the sidewalk

Because of you I learned to play on the safe side

So I don't get hurt

Because of you I find it hard to trust

Not only me, but everyone around me

Because of you I am afraid

I lose my way

And it's not too long before you point it out I cannot cry

Because I know that's weakness in your eyes

I'm forced to fake, a smile, a laugh

Every day of my life

My heart can't possibly break

When it wasn't even whole to start with

Because of you I never stray too far from the sidewalk

Because of you I learned to play on the safe side

So I don't get hurt Because of you I find it hard to trust

Not only me, but everyone around me

Because of you I am afraid

I watched you die I heard you cry

Every night in your sleep I was so young

You should have known better than to lean on me

You never thought of anyone else

You just saw your pain

And now I cry In the middle of the night

For the same damn thing

Because of you

I never stray too far from the sidewalk

Because of you

I learned to play on the safe side

So I don't get hurt

Because of you

I tried my hardest just to forget everything

Because of you

I don't know how to let anyone else in

Because of you

I'm ashamed of my life because it's empty

Because of you

I am afraid

Randomly blogging..

On mc today...and for the 1st time in a long long time..

i slept for more than 14hrs..

Last thing i remember from last nite was..

i had my dinner while watching a movie..

And...ermmm...well thats all..lolzz

Oh yea..woke up at 11plus and saw a few msn messages..

Read and fell back into my slumber :P

Woke again at 4am to realise my movie was still running x.x

My headache is still ard..comes and goes..

I really wonder why im still having it...

Startin to think im really stressed out at work..

And my taking mc today, i really feel bad abt it..

I shd have gone to work :(

Its almost 3pm now and havent eaten yet...

Lookin outside my window and its raining...dam..

Thinkin of goin to audi but lazy..

Thinkin of eating..no mood..juz ate 2 pks of mamee..hmm..

Thinkin of so many things..yet im still sitting here..

Why do i have a feeling i juz blogged? Oh..ok i remember d..lolz =x

Well one good thing abt tomoro would be thats its a Friday..

but then again..

Tryin to be happy...truly i am..

<3's~

x.X

My throat is swelled up and i cant even talk without coughing..
imagine i have to make ard 200+ calls per day at work >.>
Nothing else to blog abt as my life at the moment as it has taken a nosedive
all i have to say for now is..
Im so GG...

My head...

..hurts like hell..

It feels like its gonna explode and i almost fainted while i was walking back from work

Yes..its that bad..

As soon as i reached home..i couldnt even do anything else..

I didnt even eat the dinner that i bought and str8 fell asleep..

Even the voices of my housemates talking outside made it hurt..even more.

And no one knows...

Saddening :(

Sunday...came and gone x.x

Thats it..

The end of my weekend..

The end...lolzz

Its nt that dramatic..but i like to make it that way :p

Alot of sleeping and quite abit of audi'ing occupied my weekend this time..

Coz of the new season, the old songs, old friends coming back..yadda yadda..

Think ima gonna quit audi...lolz=x

Though i slept alot..but still it wasnt really sleepin...

Juz had a lotof nightmares..weird ones..i dono why im having those recently..

Then woke up and thought of this..

Have u ever been surrounded by ppl and still feel lonely?

Have u had a grp of frens with u and yet u don feel like ur there? Like u dont fit?

Like ur life is a big jigsaw puzzle and somehow along the way..pieces gt lost?

I do. I feel it now.

I dont know how or when i started to feel this way.

But i do feel alone. No one who will really listen.

Maybe coz im so far away from home. From my comfort zone.

I feel like a stranger..

I dono if u get wat i mean..its juz how i feel..

I dont knw..im juz confused and stressed..

I need familiar faces, ppl i can relate to..

Although im a nice person to everyone (at times lolz)

Im still very much a loner.. antisocial? haha..

Anyway..

It was juz somethin i needed to say out..

Life goes on..

Cheers peeps and have a great week ahead!

I hope i will.....

<3's~

Hiak hiak :)

Guess where im bloggin from??

HOME!!

No no..not Pg home...KL home!

Yay! Woots!! =x

Haha..was excited when they told me ok le :)

And true enuf here i am..hehhe..

After almost a whole day of audi'ing in cc..this was really really good news..

Hopefully the line is stable though, coz apparently service provider co told them our condo nt so..

Hmm..we'll see hw it goes..

Juz in time, juz when i was thinkin of doing some siggies..for audi chars lol :p

AUDI!

Falling in love with it again..well the songs i mean xDD

Brings back alot of memories...alot..

Everytime i play an old song..it reminds me of something..

BU also so many songs..walao..hopefully the songs are there until im done playin all..

Which also means, never! LOLZ!

Now the only thing i want is my lappy reformatted and upgraded..

so hopefully ill be able to audi at home..well..sometimes ba..

Eh, i also need a laptop cooler..for ma poor lappy :(

Other than a few, not so happy incidents..today has been a great day!

Hope it will be the same tomoro :)

<3's~

Watta!! Friday's finally gone!!

Worst friday in a very very very very loooooooooog time x.x

Abit of a fked up day..eh no..a very fked day...

Dam it.

Stress level was so high that i couldnt, no didnt want to talk to anyone...

Only spoke to the person on the phone, well coz it was my job..

Not even my manager =x

I dono la..u knw me..once i refuse to talk, I WONT!

Woke up late -.- but didnt really care coz i..didnt care?

anyway still early when i reached work..abt 7.45 nia..

and my ulcer nt getting better..and i cant seem to eat also..

since i had diarrohea that day, my stomach is nt very happy..

Shit.

I mean that literally k? Wil nt explain if u dont get it..

Had xmas party meeting at 10..was nominated to do a skit..

And they are forcing me to sing..unhhh..

Whatever.

Seriously dam busy day.. don get it.

Left sharp from work..5pm nia..bye bye office..

and nw at tbun blogging and blogging..since i cant audi.

Double doinks.

Stupid fked up patch..i wanna play season 2..sigh..

So what can i do until u come?

Watch Indiana Jones..lolzz.

Bla.

P/s: Had TGI's for dinner last nite x33..

Now i wanna eat japanese food..can?

Meaningless Post..

I like the clock..

I mean i like watching the time pass..counting down my time on earth lolzz..

Sorry, but i really am like that..dark..i think abt death..

Im not scared of dying but more scared of leaving behind the ppl i love..

Im the kind of girl who when growing up, cried when my siblings were caned by mum

ITS TRUE!

I have too much empathy, and its not a good thing..

Oh well, woke up at 6.30 again for work after 3 days of slacking and waking up at 2pm..Really wanted to go back to sleep but being the hardworking, dedicated and obedient employee that i am .. i went *grumble grumble* Reached early juz to find out ppl still on hols and no one to open office door.. so sat outside of office, and waited for half n hr ._. *grumble grumble*

Today am at a new work cubicle, hopefully this will be my fengshui desk and i will get many many many many deals - muahahahahahaha =x

And the office clock is juz right in front of me x33...hurhur..

Was lazy to work but did anyway since im such a ......u knw^^

Also lamed ard to pass time...wanna see what lame ppl do?

U SURE?

STILL TIME TO CLOSE THIS BLOG!

REALLY REALLY SURE???

ok...dont say i forced u to look...

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Did i not tell u i was lame? ._.

Bear in mind i did this after work ya? Well most of you wont get it but

HAH! *laughs anyway* =x

Was googling for my blog and then thought hmmm...

Yea...told u so..u juz dont listen do u?

And the fact that i have enuf stuff to blog in 2 places amazes me

- Im so full of it! Yay!

For those who are curious where my other blog is..

Well if u really know me..ull find it..

and if u dont? As someone said to me once "Leave it to fate" :)

Wanted to leave after my boss, but uhh she donwan to go home so i go lor..

Lrt still packed - wtf? *grumble grumble*

And guess where im writing all this?

IN THE GOD DARN LRT! Fk me ._.

Oh well, guess thats it, think ive lived up to my post title

*clap clap* * curtesies*

Cheers peeps

and

Have a great week!

Note to self : Be happy always....and i am^^

Countdown to weekend..

3 fk** days x_x

Weekends..over x.x

Thank god there's no work on Monday! =x

Well, lets see hw ive spent my 2 days..

Saturday..

Woke at 2pm (slept at 4am the nite b4 -.-)

Did laundry, cleaned room, did more laundry, and more laundry

and..well u get it..lolz..

Finally gt out of the hse at abt 6pm.. went to cc, played some audi,

blogged abit..and its 1am d..hmmm..

Ok..

Sunday..

Woke up at 2pm (o.O don remember wat time i slept=x)

No laundry (woots!) so...

watched some csi, some anime :P

went to cc at abt 3.30..audied abit, manage to complete one story! (club 4k zz)

still gt the 8k one ZZZZ

went to get dinner and ate at home..

came out to cc again at abt 8..

audied abit more..blogged abit more..blogged at 2 places actually lolz..

emo'ed abit.. well still emo'ing :(

Will snap out of it tomoro ba..since i already poured it out :)

And... thats it? C'est la vie..thats life guys..well my life anyway x.x

Guess wat im gonna be doing tomoro?

Nothing -.-

I really wanna complete my story mode..its starting to pissing me off :(

..

Took out ytd's post of emo ramblings partly becoz

I promised myself i wont anymore..

That i will only post in my other blog of emo's..

Yes yes i opened another blog juz to ramble..

Oh well..

Even so i still feel what i felt 2 days ago when i read it...

=(

Sighz.

Bored..Irritated..

Pissed..

Dono what im saying.

Rather dono what else i shd say.

Fked up.

<3

Finally....changed our audi rings le x333! lolz..

Ok next? hahaha...slowly lor..

Stupid song to party to though..so dam hard to perf x.x

Wth.."Feel the Night"..bodo song..lolz

Had to listen like so closely...lolzz.

But in the end...

WE DID IT! ^^

Though it doesnt bling yet, but its big :P, we are officially FREESIA!

We will get to the blinging ring soon..i knw it =)

Other than audi'ing till very late lolzz, work has been fine..stilll havent gotten my 1st deal,

So abit stressed out at times, scared of disappointing my family who have done so much for me..bt i knw when to stop panicking and start doing more..

So keep wishing me luck guys and pray for me xD!

I knw it will come..

Was supposed to go for the company's annual paintball comp..but its been raining for a few days now and since my asthma juz really gt better..don wanna risk it again..so yeah..dropped out x.x

Will be on hols till Monday due to Deepavali on Monday, so hopefully will get enuf rest and be able to do more research for work..

Was seriously thinkin of goin back to Penang since it was a long weekend but the thought of taking the bus again...uwek..

And also..

Sorry mum, i really miss u guys but i wont come back until i get something =(

What else has happened since my last post? hmmm....nothing d..omfg i have no life! lolzz..

I have missions in life :P^^

Let u see again:P!

I have nothing to do really x.x...entertain me can?

I wan a pet! So sad that they dont the piggy anymore..shd have gotten it the last time :(

And i need to finish my story! Dem club dance *&^$#

Oh ya..my BU improving sia..but only 8k lolz..4k i die x.x

And the song that i hated the most i gt 0 miss for o.O..

Was doing this for story...and was looking for songs i could combo alot with..din expect it to be this song though..haha..wait la..i practice my lvl 3 songs^^

Am i cool or wat? =x

<3s~

Something to ponder about..

Sorry havent been faithful to my blogging lol, something else has grabbed my attn for the moment...Wanna knw what? Well read on lolzz..

Before i start, let me tell you what i noticed on my way back from work ytd..

Left the office sharp at 5.30..had been dreaming and waiting the time to pass like forever..lucky Mondays pass dam fast..been thinking abt it the whole day so thats why left sharp sharp until the ppl at work were like,"Eh mag so early?" =x

Reach lrt station at abt 6pm, wtf so many ppl zz..while lining up for the train, tis is wat i saw, a train came, but it was filled to the brim, then this lady comes out of nowhere from behind and tries to squeeze her way in..well she didnt get in..so HAH! * laughs at her* and continues waiting..guy behinds me..makes a phone call, my hair stood..of coz will nt elaborate on the conversation -.-...why ppl so thick skinned ya? Finally after like 5 or 6 trains -.- finally managed to get in..well, was squished like wat..bla..and b4 the door closed one lady ran in and squished us even more zzzz..U can imagine my trip back was a stand still lolz..no space for movement at all..then suddenly realised there was this guy behind that was burping for the entire journey..wth? i think he purposely one la..20 mins of train ride ok? i wanted to turn ard and slap him =x Finally gt off..*breathes relief* and gt my dinner and walked home..on the entrance to my apts, saw a car gt clamped haha! *laughs to myself again* and sniggers on my way back..think im losing my mind..

The summary to this and why i had to go through this ordeal..i blame audi=x! Because i wanted to go home early and do the STORY MODE.. i had to face all this annoyance -.-... don care, need to blame something..

Oh well, 6 more stories before gold, and im proud to say i did it all by myself :) well of coz the 4 other ppl who had to be in the room to help me pass it lol..thanks ya x33..

Well will tell u guys more abt my story tales when im done.. until then... ciaoz peeps

<3s~

hmmm..

I dono what i did d..dont think i did much but my original template is at home...

in PENANG!! ! &^$^*....Mei help! :(

Bla bla bla..

So fast the weeks past and its a Friday d..hard to believe that ive been out here in KL alone for almost 1 month now..how time flies..when ur having fun?

WRONG!

It happens when ur so busy working, sleeping for a few hrs and continue working..lolz.

Tot i was goin to get my first deal, eh no, first 2 deals this morning, but it wasnt meant to be :(

Oh well, life goes on..im sure i will be able to do it :)

JY JY ME! ^^

Been raining like crazy here..non stop de..weather ki siao d lolz..

Why am i bloggin now ar? Coz i like ma hahah...

Actually...tmd asiasoft having server patch? wth is that ya?

Juz another of asiasoft telling us "We're 'tryin' to fix our screw ups".. yeah rite as if that ever happen..i assure u once we go back in, nt only will nt improve but they throw somethin else in..juz for fun lolzz..

Sorry im bitchin la but anyone who gets in my way of getting my bling bling will kena de..NO MATTER WHO YA! =x

Tomoro the office is having month end drinks..thats when the company belanja's dinner and they booked Modesto this time..free booze, free food :)

But im lazy to go la..hmm..really not in a mingling mood..nt until i get my deals in..bt my boss is asking me to go..dilemma.. and i don wanna go home late also..ahhhh=x

Maybe shall go for the dinner and 1 or 2 drinks then slip away ba...erk.

Tomoro then think ~.~

Anyway, bosses wont be ard for tomoro..all of them going for training lolz..

So, its gonna be a relaxin friday :)

I wanna go put in new games in my psp d x333

Thanks ya babe :)

<3s~