Happy Tuesday~! :D

Well, its the last day of June and officially end of the 1st half of 2009. Time to look back and see what we've actually achieved so far. Coz before u knw it, its gonna be 2010, another year, another journey.

My 2009 has been bitter sweet so far. Lessons learnt, new adventures, new insights, new places seen :). Its has also been a year of friends gained & friends lost, love found and slipped away, sanity coming and going away for a short while. Happy times, sad times and even really depressing times. Cest la vie? Oui :)

A brief summary of my year so far ~

Jan to Feb ~ Was still in KL, working at Marcus Evans aka ME. Though the work was mundane it was also challengin at the same time. I came in at the wrong time though coz at the end of 2008 the economic crisis hit worldwide and alot of companies could not afford to sent their ppl for expensive training anymore. I learnt alot frm ME, gained my confidence in talking to some really fked up ppl. Lolz. Gained alot of good frens frm there too, and i miss them loads. Hope to see u guys soon :) In the end, though it was lonely and stressful at times, for once i was away frm my family, on my own and truthfully i kinda miss it. I miss alot of things in KL, the good and bad of it lolz.

March to Apr ~ Came back to Pg on my mum's insistence. Since she did not approve of the jobs i actually found in KL(see? here's whr the cant say 'No' comes in..Im such a sucker..sigh) so i did. Broke my ankle the 1st week i came back -.- ( a sign?) and was cast ridden for 1 1/2 months. Couldnt even leave home, wth, stuck at home, and with my pc down, had to content myself with sustaining my r/s with my dear old lappy.

May~ OZ!! Best trip ever, saw alot of things, ate alot of stuff :p and went alot of places. And dam was it cold! :D:D Came back relatively broke though but its ok, it was an eye opener to me and i hope i get to travel more :D ( NZ soon? Maybe ^^)

June ~ New job, new start, very old office lol. Got a job at my mum's frens place. Construction co. and they deal with housing project, government projects..etc etc. Im supposed to be the Project exec, but so far hv only been doing accs coz they dont hv one yet and their new project will be starting in a month or so. Well, its a learning grd for me, and its a good line to go into so, yeah. Nothing bad abt the job, i hv my net which means i can access Fb at work :p so im happy haha.. The only downside is the lady im working with..If uve read my previous posts, ull knw wat i mean, if not, pls go read. 'Nuf said.

So thats it, my year so far. Seems like i havent done much and there is so much still that i wanna say and do. All I wish for is that someone will be there to be my candle when i reach the darkness in my life, some1 who will hold my hand n nvr let it go till i see light again.

I deserve that much.

Hello world ~

Its currently raining cats n dogs outside..Why why why??? Why didnt it rain this morning!! On purpose de lor, tomoro sure kenot wake up for work x.x. Anyway, been havin' a sleepin fest these 2 days, sleep, farmtown, sleep, farmtown..well u get the idea. And also, mum's craze with durians have kept us with an endless supply of it. So, in conclusion, im now wide awake and am having a very bad headache and heaty ><.

Did i also mention my toothache has gone frm bad to worse? Hmm..

Current mood: Cranky and irritated. Not to mention pre Monday blues ><.

Confessions of a lost soul:

For these past 2 days ive been wondering, how much can a person take before they give up on someone. How much can they withstand before they decide to let go and forget that that person ever existed? How important are they in your life to make u nvr let go of their hand?

Lately ive been doing and saying things that i havent been proud of. Behaving and acting in ways i dont mean, and hurting ppl and myself in the process. I guess in a way i feel, its easier to make ppl hate me and leave me than for me to walk away from them.

I do this so i dont feel disappointed again. And i have a feeling i might soon. It all seems like dejavu to me and that history is slowly repeating itself.

"We say we forgive and forget, but can we really forget what we forgave?"

IM IN PAIN! T_T~

My toothache is getting really bad again and my gums are swollen.. It hurts so bad im havin a migraine ><. Juz popped 2 panadols, and wanted to lay down..but couldnt close my eyes :( . So here i am irritated, frustrated, tired, moody and in pain. Haih.

Uneventful day at work, as always. Just alot of complains frm the OB (old bird=x) in my office. As usual, whats new? Lol..

Hmm, im not sayin there's anything wrong being soft hearted. Dont think i will ever change that part of me. Even though i say things and i get angry, i tend to let it go few hrs later, just dont remind me of it. I just don like ppl not taking me seriously when i get angry and think to themselves "Oh she's just angry, later ok d" and just ignore n avoid me for awhile. I dont like it. Period.

I want to be more strong and let things go easily, but i cant. If i was, i would have walked away from a lot of things long ago. I apologize for being sensitive and emotional. But thats who i am. I dont like doing it sometimes but thats just me. Would u love me less because of this?

Oh yes, been having weird dreams lately. Havent been dreaming for a long time now, i mean vivid dreams like this. I dream of plane crashing and i even saw what company it was from. And ytd when i was walking to my car, i saw the plane o.o. I remember feeling sick to the stomach. Hmm..what does this mean?

Maybe im losing my mind and being overly paranoid.

OMGOMGOMG!! Im so hyper today!! x.x

Woke up at abt 5am to to harvest my grapes in farmtown @_@. And as i was sitting there plowing and planting my seeds, i was also thinking to myself, "What the hell am i doin?, shdnt i be sleeping??" But but but... I would still do it again. LOL!

I knw, this is so random. But hey, im blogging abt this now coz i can :p

It will be one month since i started work here on Friday, and i lost my sanity at the 2nd wk :D:D

Weee!! Its Wednesday! Still got the blues though but...weeee!! Lol=x

Back to work :p!

Im having....

Monday blues, Tuesday blues, Wednesday blues, Thursday blues...Oh Friday, I love you..Lolz.As u can see, ive currently lost my marbles and am slightly stressed out abt goin to work.Not coz of the work, nonono, work seldom stresses me out. Its the ppl i have to meet that does.Hmmm.. that aunty must be really gettin on ma nerves to make me feel this way ><.

Frankly, i DO NOT like doing accs, abit is ok but this is gettin to be too much leh. Im like the garbage man who is cleaning up the previous ppl's shit ._.Bah! If thats not bad enuf, the worse part is, the impt parts of my job are always replaced by other redundant work. FOR EG. I ask her, "These vouchers are missing, what shd i do? Hv u seen them?" - Her reply to me? "Take out these vouchers and repaste them so they are neater." Huh? Arh? What??

I rest my case. And also my sanity.

Currently typing this at work, coz ive actually sorta given up for abit and will look at it again later. I dont even have net access so i can FB to relax my mind ><. Very very very very sleepy now coz was up till abt 3 to harvest my grapes lol..Then this morning no net, so my plants most prolly hv died :(

Argh! Im really sleepy, someone slap me pls ><

To me:
Ive failed to do what i set out to do ytd again. I blame myself for being soft hearted. What should i do to be strong enuf so i can walk away? You do it so easily to me everytime,why cant i?

Its been a few days since i last blogged, well, it doesnt matter does it though? The ppl that i want to know about whats happening in my life, doesnt seem to bother knowing.

So what has been happening? Nothing much really.. work, work, and more work. And also semi quit robot wars and hop back to a game which i swore i would nvr play- Farmtown. Lol. So much for that. Im so gonna rot in hell for this =x . Its juz robotwars came to a point of ridiculous-ness where ppl spent MONEY to get ahead =.= Duh, no 'spank you.

The only exciting thing the whole week was, goin for a farewell dinner for a an ex colleague of mine on Friday. Woots girl! Gratss! U finally did it :) Gonna miss her when she leaves Pg though :( but its all for the best and i hope ull be happier frm now x3.. Had Thai food at Pulau Tikus , it was dam filling lor. After that they decided to go for drinks at Bed and we spent the night talking abt ghost stories @_@. Left at abt 11, dropped a fren at hm and went to cc to meet up with babe and ivan. Played abit of audi and went home at abt 1.30am. Tired.

This past week has been one emotional cycle after another. Prolly things are starting to unravel themselves slowly and i finally know what u think of me as. Now i knw who you really are. I thank you for finally being honest with me, and opening my eyes.

If u had truly truly cared, you would not have treated me the way u did. Guess u didnt :)

I believe in life, we are suppose to go through it alone, but sometimes when u reach a junction, its good to knw that there is a hand there for u to hold and go through whatever shit that comes. I dont think alot of ppl find that in their lives, ppl who understands what ur going through, are always there when u need them no matter what and loves u no matter what u do. I hope if u do find them, hold on to them with all ur heart coz ull nvr find another soulmate like that again.

Well, its Sunday again, at that time of day when the blues start creeping up like an unwanted shadow darkenin your life forever. Ok, abit too dramatic lolz, but yeah, hell =x. Been sleeping alot today, sleep n farm, farm n sleep.. Still im sleepy, doink me pls..

Regardless of all that, have a good week ya guys :D, Im prayin for mine to be.

- I pray that i will be able to go through it this time,

To not give in and be strong,

Maybe it will makes us all happier..

There's so much to be said, if only u wil listen to me seriously. But u cant, can u? I will always be the too emotional one to u, the abnormal one. Those words hurt. And i retaliated by saying things which i didnt mean juz to make u feel hurt. Guess it didnt work did it?

I think I know what i should do.

"I will not be your consolation prize anymore"

Ive never been so tired in a long long time...

Work was super tiring, worked through lunch up to ard 7. And im still not done. Physically dead. Lost my voice this morning, so am unable to speak properly without feeling pain. Internally dead. Did the worst thing possible and made 2ppl sad. Emotionally dead, mentally dead.

Almost went through something that would hv made me very sad. But i knw it needs to be done, if only my fren didnt chicken out and ask me to think properly. Ur right, i havent broken it, yet. Once i have enuf courage, or once i feel disappointed enuf. I will.

I think i felt my heart stop when i heard the choices u were goin to make. And alot of stuff flashed out right in front of me. I stared at my pc fr 5mins, thinking of what to say. Alot of emotions came in too, anger - coz i couldnt accept ur reasons fr doing what u wanted to do, that u dont have other choices anymore. If i was there, would u even have thought of me? The answer = No. Sadness, coz what i had been saying n asking was actually true. And i was right, again. And yet i remember hw u denied and said i thought negatively of you. All that, "she can delete, u cant" was all just a load of crap. Coz right after that, you went out with her. So much for that.

Alot of things keep running through my head. Like that nite, when u called when i was at the airport, and my batt died, did u call her after that coz u couldnt get me anymore? U see how messed up i become when im nt told the truth?

And the fact that u put my emotional behaviour as a reason to scold me. Ur emo too, how is it u can freely deny it, but im forced to admit it? I admit i am, do u? We're juz emotional in diff areas, i put up with urs, u cant with mine?

What shd i do now b4 u decide to go on with ur decision? Shd i start to walk away frm now? Coz if its true that u say u wont be alone this way, then u would nt miss my presence in ur life. Its always abt making u happy, and if this makes u happy, then im willing to leave all of this.

Saturday~~ and im having bad sore throat n headache ><

This morning was worse :( and guess wat, i juz came back frm spending 7hrs at the cc playin audi =x Huo gai rite? Bleh. I like goin to cc to play, i feel pro back :p. It was 3hrs with ivan n 4 with ray lol..Even ray also ask me why i go cc and donwan use laptop and when I asked him why, he said then can win u ..LOL! Me like to win sometimes :p And also been a long time since i see myself x10 for any song k? And this was fast song. Too bad kenot save replay =.= lolz..

OMG, thats it? Thats all i have to post about?? Ive been staring at the dam monitor fr 2hrs and nthg is coming out. Omwtfbbqtmd ><.

Anyway its Sunday le, and the blues are slowly creepin up to me :( Heck its been crawling up since this morning when i woke up to a beautifoool Sundae'. I wish i could click on Monday and T'Davy Jones with it =x Back to reality mates, its Monday tomoro no matter what the hell u say, well unless u die, then that the end x.x

Emo much? Or not too much? Hmm..

Anyways, weekends ish gone, sobs, so time to earn money again haha..

Have a great week aheas mateys, pray friday comes soon will ya ;)

Guess what?? Its Friday!!! xDD

How fast the week's past by. Really should be sleeping now, but alot of things on my mind..I juz wish i dont think so much all the time. Been having a bad headache the entire day :( One more day, jy me..

Watchin "Shall we dance" at this moment, abt this man who enrols in dance classes coz he got bored with the mundane and monotonous things in his life. Hmm, maybe thats what i need to get my mind stop thinking so much. Not dance classes (erm, well, lol) i juz mean some kind of distraction from my usual n borin everyday routines.

Somehow, i wish my existance in this world meant something to ppl i care about. What if i were to leave this world one day and i have nothing to be remembered by? Lol..its the mid night ramblings of mine.. Signs to go to bed :)

Have a great friday guys~!

Your life will not go unnoticed, because i will notice it and

Your life will not go unwitnessed, because i will be your witness.

Had dinner with the girls tonite :)

Its been awhile since we did it. Gossiping abt the ex company, the quirky ppl there, and the annoyin one :p Had fun.. least it took my mind off some stuff. Laugh our asses off the entire night, and keep saying we were so bad to talk behind ppl's back..*LAUGHS* =x

Of coz it was not all bad things la..we spoke abt future plans, work, life the lots. What we've been up to, where we're going for hols..those stuff. Also one them is getting married in July..asking me what im wearing lol x.x Force me wear dress sia =/

Where did we eat? Where else if its not Old Town lol.. dono why we always end up eating there. But still its the company that matters right? We shd do this again gals, BAH KUT TEH?? :p

Other than that, work is work and i must say i am an efficient multi tasker. Work, Fb and Msn at the same time? Woot! Lol =x Jk la.. msn not that much lol.. Si bass even asked me to go watch a video on Youtube! Over la u man, i working leh =xx

Finished all my stuff b4 5.30 heee im so proud of myself xD~ Jy me, one step closer to my new hp ^^.

Ok la, time to watch a movie and fall asleep lol.. Its Wednesday d! Wheee~

I wish we could stop time, then i will keep it at happy always..

Coz i hate it when we fight, and i will end up missin u~

Hello peeps @ 090609

Shall make it a short post coz ima sleepy chick lolz..

Monday has come n gone, the blues? Still here until its Fly-day again :p. Work has been work, after the 3 days of not having the bosses ard, they came back to office today le. So must be extra guai and hardworking d..sobsob =x

The dam air-cond was not working, dam hot k? And the night b4 juz had a lot of durians..Walao heaty!! Not to mention stuffy? I was clearing the company accs until i pek chek d ><. Mind u, this is not in my job description ar.. juz because they havent hired an accs ppl, means i have to do it :( I really really really...don like to do accs.. Maybe coz im not patient or or not detailed enuf or or i juz dont like staring at the paper @_@ Blah.

Other than that, nothing much really..redundant, monotonous work. Whoopee~! Tell me what else can i say about Monday?? Tell me! Tell meeeee!!

Ima feeling bad abt something i did tonight :( Not quite sure why i did it, hmm, actually i do. Juz didnt like the feeling it gave me. Hmm...

Ok la, be4 i go on mumbling, i better go to bed..my eyes are closing halfway d, and im actually sleep typing :p

Happy Tuesday!!!

Im attempting to update x.x~

This page has been opened since 5pm and i have not put in a single word...until now ><. JY ME! Hmm, whr do i start? Here goes...

Ytd was the ASGF 09 compy at 1Utama. Left home uber early to the bus station. Luckily the bus ride was a smooth one and actually reached at abt 1.30. Took the lrt then took the taxi to the venue. In short i was there at abt 2plus :)

Dam the place was huge, i had to walk ard for quite awhile juz to find whr it was. And when i finally found it, walao so many ppl leh x.x.. Guess coz it was of the hols thus the insanely amt of ppl in the mall ><. Anyway registered (though i did feel like not at one point lol), went to get my goodie bag frm the verification counter (thx babe for telling me xD) and got my free in game cap..poor babe got the maple sea items, doink u. But since i had 2, i gave one to him (lets be kuku together :p)

Loitered ard the place, coz the were still having the other comps going on..i nvr even practised sigh..Been playin on lappy so long le, lost touch on how to play on a proper pc :( Saw ppl playin on demo pc's, and also found the stall to buy my scholar jimjim pet :)

Went to get lunch at a Jap place, had teppan salmon yum :p and headed back to the event place. The pc were empty le, bt i asked the guys could we warm up, they say kenot zzz. So i juz stood ard n waited. Manatau they let them in to play after that, more zzzz's.

Event started at abt 5, and i ended up same room as Keichisan and babe. Diao ~.~ Still i tried playin ba, but 4k really nt my thing :( Nvm ba, will def try again next time, coz through it all, it was quite fun :)

Finals were babe, keichisan, miki and socks. I was so nervous watching them lol..esp after the 1st rd and they had to restart coz socks accidently unplugged her earphone. But but..

Babe won!! Yay~ xDD I knew u would, didnt i? didnt i? :p

So, him, keichisan n miki are goin to korea end of this month to compete...i wana go :(

Then i receive msg stating that my flight had been postponed. From 8 to 11pm! Wtf? So i rushed to tell my taxi driver (lol, tis guy was the one who took me here earlier n offered to pick me up also haha) Found him, told him abt delay and still he said "i wan to come also later" LOL. Oh well, at least i didnt hv to worry abt the ride later, and he charged me quite reasonably also :)

So walked ard in 1-U until my feet hurt :( Sat at A&W and had a rootbeer float :p and walked somemore..Called some frens and they were scolding me coz i nvr tell them i was here earlier =x. Will come down again next month guys :) Then slowly tried to find my way to the place the taxi was waiting fr me. Walao took me 1/2hr, couldnt find the dam place :(

Had a talk on the ride there lol, then he was surprised when i spoke hockkein on the phone to my mum and started talking in hockkein to me. Cute. But he was a really nice taxi driver lol. Reached the airport at abt 10 and waited, falling asleep le. And my toes were really hurting. And my phone batt died tmd =.= Lousy, and i juz made like 2 phone calls the whole day, fuggot..my hp is dying ><.

Reached pg at abt 12plus le, die no transport to my car which was at the bus terminal. I thought a 5min ride, take taxi ba. They were gonna charge me RM39!! WTF?? Crazy blood suckers.Even KL not that expensive k? Fuckers=x

Tried to call a few ppl, but couldnt get them ><. My feet really hurt liao lo, and i was in the middle of nowhere and guess what i decided to walk. Crazy me, in the middle of the night n limping..My broken ankle leg started to hurt d..

Lucky an off duty bus driver saw me and asked me what i was doing lol. Then he took pity on me n offered me a ride! Say u crazy ar, this hr walk alone..lol=x Normally i wouldnt even get on a bus juz like that, but it felt safe so i got on. Then we talked (lol, i seem to have this affinity with transportation ppl) He told me wat time the buses end, where to take what bus, they whole bus story lol..

Actually, i had this properly planned. If my plane had arrive at 9 in Pg as it was suppose to, I would juz take the bus down. Even if it was late fr 1hr i would still nt hv this problem. But nooo..3 bloody hrs =.=

Reached my car safe n sound, and reached hm at abt 1plus..dam tired le. When i took off my shoe, realised it was bleeding ><. Sigh :( Mum nagged abit, i told my phone died, also she didnt believe me =.= too tired to explain.

Anyway, though it was alot of probs here n there, im lucky to have met at least a few good ppl who got me safely hm :) And im glad that u did call and talked to me, at least i didnt feel so alone then.

Oh well, Monday blues, its a wonder i managed to blog so much though, coz im really falling asleep le lo..

Have a great week ahead guys! I hope Friday comes soon! LOL! =x

P/s: no pics yet, too lazy. will post soon! :p

I guess, it is possible to be happy and sad at the same time..

Well, i juz reached home..finally. Long story. All i knw is im worn out, tired and bloody toes :(

One part is truly happy you won (didnt i say you would? 100% confidence in you..), the other part is sad coz finally the one thing that we can always relate to, which u find support for in me and share the happiness of gettin it, the only thing i have that we shared was lost today. And i suddenly became the outsider, looking in.

I dono if u understand, but it was how i felt today :(

I didnt go because of the things u say u wanted to give me, i went coz i wanted to be there to support u. Guess i wasnt needed in the end.

Anyway, wil update tomoro on ASGF'09 happenings...how i got a free bus ride, met this funny taxi driver and ended up walking back frm Pg airport..all in one day :)

Nite peeps..

Why you?

Because u always know how to make me smile,

but u also knw how to make me cry.

Because you know just what i like,

and you know what i hate the most.

Because i can count on you to be there when i need you,

as long as i reach out and call for you.

I like it that ur emotional, juz like me,

Sensitive juz like me..

I even like it when you irritate me..

This list could go on n on because everything little thing you do,

makes a mark in my heart.

Though sometime we argue n hurt each other with the words we use,

I understand that its because we care too much.

I love despite the flaws, the imperfections, coz i love what makes you..you.

Most importantly, I love that your my bestest friend..

So, what do you love?

Another day and woots its already the middle of the week d :) Work has been redundant, paperwork, paperwork, sorting, sorting, papercuts!! Arghh! Lol..im really not made out for office work @_@;;

Doink doink. Bla.

Nvm..Mag u can do it! JyJyJy!! I wan my iphone!! =X

Im taking work a bit more relaxed today, bosses away on business trip :p therefore i can update at work hehe. Wanted to update ytd but my bro wanted to use, sis pc went kaput lol.. So let him use while i watched Saw 5.. Alot of " eeeeeeeee", " omg omg omg" "uwek!" came out from me x.x really abit gross lor ok? Tmd.

Lookin at my messy table, i feel abit lazy to work , but then its already almost lunch time xDD.. Soon it will be 5.30.. wheeee~! Haha.. anyway need to go hm earlier, mum still not back from JB. Uncle's cremation shd be this morning :( So have to babysit the dog these 2 days lolz.. sis already took 2 days emergency leave juz to babysit ahahah :p Anyway, i had to sleep with him last nite k? Weird la, my mum's last child lolz..

Sat's a holiday! Yay!! =xx

Anyway, am typing this while listenin to the old lady in my office complain abt her job n the bosses lol..So one ear in, one ear out..Bleh~

Ok la.. backie to work~ Im a model employee k? ( an employee who Fb's n blogs during work, LOL! hey im a good multitasker :p)

2.30am....and im still awake x.x

I really shd be sleeping d, but was straightening my hair till now lol..Dono why, the 1st time i did it and went to Oz, came back the whole head like frizzy =x Bth asked my sis to fix it for me.. Had to psycho her abit though, told her abt my colleague commenting abt my hair, that set her off d :p Kiausu'ism hehe..

Work was same old, lucky it ended super fast today. Still helpin with the purchasing, payment due to suppliers coz the new accounts ppl were not in yet. So yeah, doing alot of paper digging x.x.. Boss finally asked for meeting today, because of the arguement between my 2 colleagues the other day lol.. I was sorta the example person in there.. "For example, i wouldnt say Mag is bla bla bla bla.." that sort of thing lol. Kinda like in order not to directly shoot the ppl involved.Cute.

Anyway, the old lady in my office is super super sensitive, even after all that talk of how we shd all work together, she still abit bo song the other guy de lo..Oh well, none of my business anyway, juz entertainment lol.. Oh yea, sorry babe, when u sms'ed, I was in the meeting :)

I realised i really need to work in an environment with more guys, im getting too sensitive surrounded by all these women. Lol=x As if im not sensitive enuf, im getting worse. Hmm..

Today started back my jogging after work routine le :) want to feel healthier and also slowly heal my ankle..

Came back to bad news though, my youngest uncle passed away frm heart attk :( According to mum, he was the smart one in the family, went to Uni, got a good job. But he fell out of love and sorta let everything go.. This was like over 30yrs ago. Since then he's like moved ard, working fr scraps and letting himself go. Sigh. We heard frm some1 who knew him, that he had passed away, and we've been looking for him for very long le. So mum's goin to JB tomoro with my aunt n uncle to bring back his remains (apparently, i heard the girl tat left him is living there o.o) What we do for love..

Ok la, shd go sleep d. Work ><.. Will update tomoro :)