Work was super tiring, worked through lunch up to ard 7. And im still not done. Physically dead. Lost my voice this morning, so am unable to speak properly without feeling pain. Internally dead. Did the worst thing possible and made 2ppl sad. Emotionally dead, mentally dead.
Almost went through something that would hv made me very sad. But i knw it needs to be done, if only my fren didnt chicken out and ask me to think properly. Ur right, i havent broken it, yet. Once i have enuf courage, or once i feel disappointed enuf. I will.
I think i felt my heart stop when i heard the choices u were goin to make. And alot of stuff flashed out right in front of me. I stared at my pc fr 5mins, thinking of what to say. Alot of emotions came in too, anger - coz i couldnt accept ur reasons fr doing what u wanted to do, that u dont have other choices anymore. If i was there, would u even have thought of me? The answer = No. Sadness, coz what i had been saying n asking was actually true. And i was right, again. And yet i remember hw u denied and said i thought negatively of you. All that, "she can delete, u cant" was all just a load of crap. Coz right after that, you went out with her. So much for that.
Alot of things keep running through my head. Like that nite, when u called when i was at the airport, and my batt died, did u call her after that coz u couldnt get me anymore? U see how messed up i become when im nt told the truth?
And the fact that u put my emotional behaviour as a reason to scold me. Ur emo too, how is it u can freely deny it, but im forced to admit it? I admit i am, do u? We're juz emotional in diff areas, i put up with urs, u cant with mine?
What shd i do now b4 u decide to go on with ur decision? Shd i start to walk away frm now? Coz if its true that u say u wont be alone this way, then u would nt miss my presence in ur life. Its always abt making u happy, and if this makes u happy, then im willing to leave all of this.
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