Tuesday, February 3, 2009

1st day of Work...

was horrible...
Before that..a summary of my cny hols...
Spent the first few days sleeping and eating and sleeping some more...
And then spent the remaining days out in cc till 5am and nt sleeping enuf..
Im sadistic that way :)
But that was the hols...and that was over fast..
Back to work..
..started out the day finding out my event was cancelled due to lack of response
and then finding out that i was given an event another had been selling for 2 months but
was nt getting anywhere also...sigh
I always get those...
Had my sales brief only to be called in for a meeting with 2 of my bosses.. i knw this was coming..eventually..
Came out feeling so numb, so sad, so hurt..so many things..
To Them:
Because i smiled when u said those stuff does nt mean im happy or blase or whatever shit u guys said..
I smiled because i made i promise to myself when my father walk out on us to nvr cry again..
I will keep that promise...i will only cry inside..
I smile coz i need to carry on..how do u think i get through the days?
By telling myself, "Yep its gonna be alright! Tomoro is another day :)"
How should i react when told i wasnt taking it seriously? By thinking its funny?
By saying i did not put any effort?
Should i say hw much i persuaded my family to let me go?
How i stayed in a hotel room for 2 weeks so i can work here?
How i travel to work in the wee hours of the morning and come home late and tired?
How i motivate myself each day?
How im so scared i will disappoint my family with promises i made when i left?
How i teared when they told me to hang on and believed in me even when i at times didnt?
How i gave up so much to be here?
I said it before i will nvr explain myself to anyone..those who knw me will knw wat i have done..
I feel so misunderstood, so wrongly accused yet i swallowed it down in one big gulp..
I have frens who understand hw much i have done.
I will nt let a few bad apples spoil my basket..
I have always done wat was told, even when it didnt make sense..
Given 1001% on the job..
Yea, maybe i wasnt serious abt the job like u all said.. yup maybe.
The only reason im spilling it here is coz those who really care will read it..
Those who dont and give excuses for it..
well its juz impossible for them to spend less than 5 mins of their week to care abt my life..
I feel like a "kept" woman at times,
Only to be seeked out when someone's lonely or sad..
And completely forgotten after that..

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