Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Maybe we should all be praying for time..

Was actually considering taking mc today, couldnt wake up at all, or rather didnt really wanna wake up. But had to take some drawing plans to photocopy, so had to drag my cute butt out of bed ><. Maybe i shdnt have watched "Yes Man" last nite lol.. but then i distinctly watching halfway and getting up and off'ing the player o.o lol :x

Wanted to join comp last nite, but it was so laggy that when i clicked to enter, it frozed and i got 202th =.= I dont knw if streamyx is really that sucky recently or is it jz my pc. Fug sia =\

Whole morning has been spent looking at plans plans plans..my eyes have gotten abit @_@; and also my webby design, which is almost done...jz need some creative words which apparently is eluding me..boos..

Been in and out of zombie mode since saturday. Somehow, seeing that acc, that name again brought alot of memories, mostly painful ones.

A friend was asking me, hw she shd talk to someone again when they met after the last incident hurt her alot. But it was also unfinished and she needed closure. Then she asked me, "We dont really forget do we?"

That sort of got me thinking of the past which i had thought was long forgotten. How we say we forgive and forget but one little thing brings it all back and the hurt that came with it. At times i really wonder why i still am ard. But the I guess we weigh out the good and the bad times. Do all the good times overweigh the bad? Or does the bad overshadow what was good?

I read a short story somewhere earlier, about hw a father got his son to hammer a nail into a fence everytime he was angry, and when the son wasnt angry anymore, he told him to take it all out for everytime he wasnt angry. Then he took his son to the fence and said to him "This fence will nvr be the same again, coz when u say things in anger, they leave marks like this on these holes on the hearts of others. You can stab a person and withdraw the knife, and no matter how many times u say ur sorry, the wound will still remain"

So, how do we trust again? If we didnt matter the 1st time it happened when they said with conviction they would nvr do such things, how would we be able to know it will nvr happen again?

The answer? We wont. The real qn is, is it worth it?

Is it worth, letting down our guards again and trusting that they knw hw much it hurt the 1st time to nvr do it the 2nd time? Well sadly, 99% of the time, it does, doesnt it? And the 3rd, and the 4th.... round round it goes, where it ends nobody knows.

Lol. Life is a bitch isnt it?

Im still having fears of history repeating. Could you help me cure a little bit of those fears away? If i asked you to, would you do it for me?

Somehow, I dont think you will :)

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